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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put DS in his own room?

118 replies

SpanielFace · 08/12/2012 19:25

DS is 14 weeks and usually wakes just once a night to feed (he is breastfed). Currently he sleeps in a Moses basket next to my side of the bed. I'm considering moving him into his own room (next door) as I keep waking him up at night (coughing, rolling over noisily, going to the toilet - he is a very light sleeper). Also, he wakes me up (grunting, squeaking, farting!). DH sleeps through it all, I might point out!

I miss being able to lie in bed talking to DH, and I miss being able to have sex in bed (I just can't dtd with a baby in the room - it feels weird, and I'm scared of waking him!). But SIDS guidelines recommend that babies sleep in their parent's room until 6 months. I don't really understand why this is (isn't SIDS silent? So it's not like I'd hear anything) and we don't smoke or have any other risk factors.

What would you do?

OP posts:

redwellybluewelly · 08/12/2012 21:16

Like Welsh my baby was brain damaged at birth.

whois · 08/12/2012 21:19

Being close to a parent does help to remind them to breath

Really? I didn't know that.

CoolaYuleA · 08/12/2012 21:22

Piglett we've got one of those as well (Angelcare) and we were never discouraged from using it by any health care professionals. We use it on it's own now as DD is 14 months and her other monitor went back at 10 months.

I think it depends where you live and the experience of your health care professionals.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 21:28

Probably but then Ice jut read you
Mentioned your dc being at risk? My dd wasn't ' (well not at first) drs thought I was causing more worry than anything so told me not to use it! Obviously after they realised I was encouraged to keep her on it until they could stabilise her but she cannot use it any more as her breathing is too shallow for it to detect so she uses
A Sats monitor instead x

gimmecakeandcandy · 08/12/2012 21:33

I wouldn't - there is a lot of information about how useful it is for a baby to listen to your regular breathing and the guidelines are there for a reason. Why are so many people so keen to get little babies into their own room... It is not beneficial to the babies...

CoolaYuleA · 08/12/2012 21:33

I totally advocate the use of movement monitors, including shop bought ones - the Angelcare is brilliant, but even the NICU grade one we had isn't a guarantee. FSID are very clear about that, as was our paediatrician. Nothing is. No matter what parents do some babies will die. But there is a list of recommendations that can reduce the risks, all pretty simple and achievable. I can't see why people would choose not to follow them.

ven with a monitor I would keep a baby in the same room to a minimum of six months. Some babies cannot be resuscitated even at 20 seconds, but some can. The further away they are the longer it takes you to get to them, and the chances of a failure to resuscitate increase, along with the chances of brain damage should you be able to resuscitate, if, God forfend, you ever needed to.

An alarm goes off when it doesn't detect movement for 20 seconds, so at that point the baby has already been without oxyge for 20 seconds. You have to hear it, process it, jump out of bed, and if they are in the room deal with it. All of this adds time to the 20 seconds. If they are in another room you have to do all of the above and get to the other room. The longer you take, the more the chances of failure to resuscitate increase. Seconds count.

Having them with you not only reduces the chance of SIDS, it also increases the chances of resuscitation.

nightowlmostly · 08/12/2012 21:43

I moved our DS into his own room at 12 weeks. He was outgrowing his moses basket and there's not really the space in our bedroom for a cot.

I'm aware of the guidelines and the reasoning behind them, ie that hearing you breathe helps to regulate their breathing. However, having him in the living room all evening with us so he wasn't alone didn't facilitate a good sleep for him, he'd keep waking up and getting upset. So we put him to bed instead, and straight away he started sleeping for 4 hour stints. I really feel that being in his own room with some peace helped him sleep, and benefited us all.

I was uncomfortable with it at first, but I really feel it was right for us as a family, and next time we'll probably do the same again.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 22:01

Totally second that coola when my dd was on hospital apnea monitor in her own room it alarmed and took ages for me to process it, (had become desensitised to the sound) then freaked out as stimulation didnt work! Took ages before I got the guts to resus her! She went atleast 50seconds without oxygen, so actually if you are going to use mattress sensor have dc in your room!

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 08/12/2012 22:02

As a PP said, I also found that it helped if DH slept nearer to the baby. He slept through the grunting better and DD seemed to wake less when next to him rather than nearer my milk-laden boobs! I would maybe try this first? 14 weeks is still really tiny to be moved into a separate bedroom for hours at a time alone.

BabyGiraffes · 08/12/2012 22:21

I've massive gone against 'advice'. dd1 was in her own room from birth (I slept in her room for the first five or six weeks) and dd2 moved to her own room at a similar time (she was in a moses basket in a double bed with me the first few weeks). None of us would have got much sleep if we'd co-slept (which seems to be the point of co-sleeping, you don't go into deep sleep). My two slept 11pm to 7am from 9 and 6 weeks respectively because they weren't disturbed by dh and I turning over, getting up, coughing, having sex, whatever.

Do what feels right for you and your family OP. It's not a given that every child sleeping in his or her room before 6 months old will die. Get a baby monitor, leave the doors open, and enjoy your dc sleeping through the night soon. Sounds like he is trying to .

BabyGiraffes · 08/12/2012 22:21

'massive-ly'

LilBlondePessimist · 08/12/2012 22:25

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I believe that YABU. I just can't understand why anyone would put their own need for a night of undisturbed sleep before the risk of their baby succumbing to SIDS. No one can claim to be ignorant of the facts these days as they are so widely publicized. And for good reason. IMO, baby should come first, it's for a very short period of time, and sleep deprivation is a normal part of being a new parent (and please don't anyone start on the martyrdom shit, it's not being a martyr, it's being a parent).

Again, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh or judgmental, it's just how I feel. Six months is not a long time, and if anything ever did go wrong then the anguish would last much much longer than six months.

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 22:29

I'm buying an angelcare monitor after Christmas. Does anyone know if they can be used in Moses baskets ?

LilBlondePessimist · 08/12/2012 22:33

I think they can moonins as long as you put a thin piece of plywood under the mattress, and as long as its not a rocker or glider.

LilBlondePessimist · 08/12/2012 22:34

Sorry, moomins.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 22:36

moomins I used mine just under the mattress with nothing on top they can be used anywhere a baby sleeps (within reason! So not a pushchair or carseat)

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 22:38

On that note anyone interested this is fab!! I had one! Clips Onto baby's nappy and monitors breathing alarms just like a mattress sensor with the added reassurance that if your baby's breathing slows to a dangerous rate it will alarm too!

www.snuza.com/content.php?product=hero

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 22:40

Thanks, we haven't bought a cot yet as I'm hopeing ds3 can be moved into a bed before the baby grows out of the basket.

Whatevertheweather · 08/12/2012 22:40

Oh god I should not have this thread with my beautiful 16wo dd3 sleeping upstairs. I'm so sorry chrissy for the loss of your little boy. We lost our dd2 last year (not SIDS related at all) so we are understandably anxious about dd3. It took us until about 2wks ago to put her upstairs during the evenings (she was starting to struggle to stay asleep in the living room). She is still in her Moses basket at the moment but I really really don't think she will still fit in it to 6 months. There is no room in our bedroom for her cot and we only have a standard double so don't want to co-sleep as I don't think any of us would sleep well.

This thread has given me an icy heart. I was advised by our nicu consultant not to use a movement/breathing monitor as dd has no risk factors for SIDS and because the monitors regularly go off leaving parents thinking they've had a 'near miss' when in reality it was just the baby having a very still period/monitor becoming dislodged/baby knocking off sensors. DD1 went in her own room at about 10 weeks old.

It's all so scary

Mumsyblouse · 08/12/2012 22:41

Just to clarify, does this mean you should have a baby in with you whilst you are watching TV/up in the evening and chatting? Or during the day if you have a friend over?

I always kept mine in with me at night, but not early evening, for example.

I am quite surprised at this, I know some babies sleep everywhere, but how do they learn about night and day if they are with you all the time in broad daylight, and what about keeping things dark/calm, basic nighttime sleep hygeine? Or does that only start after 6 months?

Kalisi · 08/12/2012 22:42

I wonder why sleeping in a moses basket in the same room rather than co-sleeping is the top recommendation for preventing SIDS. Is it the risk of smothering/overheating?

Angelico · 08/12/2012 22:45

Spaniel I posted about this very same thing a couple of weeks ago here. Weirdly in the last week the noise has started to irritate me less but will still consider a move at 4 months if she is disturbing sleep. And I know what you meant about the silent comment as I've had the same concern, largely because I was having to sleep with earplugs in to get any sleep at all and was worried that I wouldn't hear if anything happened even with baby beside us.

It's so difficult as impossible to 'predict' what might put a baby at risk when you don't have any obvious risk factors and so the advice can seem madly over-cautious - but I take missy's point that no one wants to be left thinking, "If only I'd done x differently." :(

Kalisi · 08/12/2012 22:45

Also, I'm another supporter of the breathing monitor. Ours has never caused us any unnecessary panic and eased my mind greatly

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 22:47

whatevertheweather I was told that too about th e sensors but after contacting the company who made them they assuredly
That the only false signals it gave of was when it didn't alarm and it should have done' but in bigger cots ( compareto
Moses baskets )they can roll off them so that then does cause a false alarm .

saccrofolium · 08/12/2012 22:48

YABU. And those who say 'do what you think is right for you' are wrong.

There is a HUGE amount of data regarding SIDS and risk factors, and babies who share a room don't die as often.

If you want your child to sleep, wrap them up warm, put them on their front and leave them in another room. You will all sleep more soundly. But your risk of SIDS rockets.

The theory is that your disturbing the baby keeps him from stopping breathing. If its disturbing you, swap sides and wear earplugs.

The peak age for SIDS is 12 weeks. You're not far off that. Arguing how long a baby can go without breathing and still be resuscitated as an argument to sleep in their own room, is unreal. Why would anyone consider such risks? It's not for long - leave him where he is.

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