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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DS in his own room?

118 replies

SpanielFace · 08/12/2012 19:25

DS is 14 weeks and usually wakes just once a night to feed (he is breastfed). Currently he sleeps in a Moses basket next to my side of the bed. I'm considering moving him into his own room (next door) as I keep waking him up at night (coughing, rolling over noisily, going to the toilet - he is a very light sleeper). Also, he wakes me up (grunting, squeaking, farting!). DH sleeps through it all, I might point out!

I miss being able to lie in bed talking to DH, and I miss being able to have sex in bed (I just can't dtd with a baby in the room - it feels weird, and I'm scared of waking him!). But SIDS guidelines recommend that babies sleep in their parent's room until 6 months. I don't really understand why this is (isn't SIDS silent? So it's not like I'd hear anything) and we don't smoke or have any other risk factors.

What would you do?

OP posts:
MacaroniAndWalnut · 08/12/2012 22:51

Who wants to go shuffling off in the cold to feed / soothe? So much easier to reach over, get baby, feed baby, snuggle baby, back into basket or whatever next to you?. I couldn't bear the thought of actually getting out of he'd in the night. Brrrrrrr

MacaroniAndWalnut · 08/12/2012 22:51

He'd = bed

rainrainandmorerain · 08/12/2012 22:53

"It's not a given that every child sleeping in his or her room before 6 months will die."

Christ alive...

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 22:54

I have a few friends who used them with no problems. I have the risk of prem birth. I'm hoping that I'll get some sleep if I use one. Ds3 was 8 weeks early and I should have bought one then as I hardly slept due to worrying about it

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 22:59

saccroo no one is saying it its ok to allow a child before 6months to sleep in a room on there own because said child might beable to go so long before resus if needed. There was just some confusion between how long a child can go without oxygen and resus and still be brought back healthily! as I recall someone saying that the sensors that alarm after 20secomds it would be too late for a baby, It wouldn't children have been resus-ed much longer without oxygen and been fine but is no way soemthing to consider if someone wants to put a child alone before 6months.

IneedAsockamnesty · 08/12/2012 23:06

coola back in 1993 I was given one by the hospital as well I'm pretty sure my dc took part in the same study.

As to the separate room, I just couldn't do it not for any reason, its the same thing with why I won't whack my heating up high.

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 23:09

I trained as a nurse and we were told that if it's a case of a baby or adult not breathing but the heart still beating there is a good chance of resuscitation working if you get there quick enough.

Obviously starting the heart again can be more difficult but it takes longer than 20 seconds after you've stopped breathing for the heart to stop beating.

LilBlondePessimist · 08/12/2012 23:09

With the Angelcare that I have, it will give off one loud beep if breathing isn't detected after 5 second, then 5 seconds later another single loud beep, then a further 5 seconds layer the proper alarm sounds. So it does give you preparation time (albeit very short) to spring into action. (Just in case anyone is interested)..

BOFingSanta · 08/12/2012 23:15

I'd happily put the baby in an adjoining room at that age if it suits you both. I did it myself about that age, for much the same reasons, and it improved both our sleep.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 23:18

Moomin I was taught that I'm my resus training, was also told that after checking airway etc and doin rescue breathes if after 6 still no breathing then to commence full CPR were you told he same thing?? Hmm I was told this because the length of time between finding, stimulating, doing checks etc was long it would mean its a heart issue??Hmm

Whatevertheweather · 08/12/2012 23:20

bloody tough when you've been where we have huh?

Those who kept in their room until 6 months - was this in a Moses basket? Hmmmm maybe we'll have to work on tucking her legs up! I still find the tummy sleeping advice interesting as dd3 was recently in hospital with bronchiolitis and the first thing the nurse did was flip every baby on to their tummies to sleep as they breath easier that way. Of course all these babies were on sats/breathing monitors (which were false alarming all over the place). Also (anecdotally) I hear on here and in RL of people saying 'well I sleep my baby on my tummy but would never admit it to gp/hv' so I often wonder how skewed the results are by parents not admitting to tummy sleeping. Impossible to tell I guess.

I don't like the insinuation though that parents who choose to have their babies in their own room before 6 months are somehow massively risking their child life. SIDS is a tiny risk, comparatively speaking. Though of course it's not how high the risk is it's what you are risking which is the crux of it.

Whatevertheweather · 08/12/2012 23:21

Sleep my baby on its tummy

Angelico · 08/12/2012 23:34

SIDS is such an emotive subject that it seems impossible to have a really open discussion about it :( The risks are so tiny relatively speaking, especially if you have no 'risk factors' but it's the random cruelty of it that seems to make people so fearful.

The stats from FSID are here. The one that interests me is that 72% of unexplained deaths occur under 4 months of age, hence we will keep our DD in room until then and then review.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 23:42

Whatever I'm sure you can work out a way to get DD3's cot in your room, even if it means moving a chest of drawers or wardrobe out for a few months? If you really can't then I'd put DD3 in with DD1 rather than on her own. Or as I have said before - send her to me, I'll even pay the courier Xmas Grin

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 23:47

piglet the usual way of training someone in CPR was always to check vital signs, airway etc and commence breathing then full CPR but to stop after so many cycles to check vital signs, although checking vital signs I think is just something they tell hcps to do.

Hcps in hospital settings will sometimes just do breaths if the heart is pumping and there is some research into chest compression only resus, but I don't know much about that.

Some people's hearts stop beating and even though it's difficult to manually restart a heart full resus helps to keep the blood/oxygen flowing to the brain and organs.

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 23:50

whatever yes I think you just worry about everything. I know I've been worrying about allsorts during this pg that I didn't think about with the others.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 23:58

Moomin yes I was taught to check vital signs after 2mins? It's been a while since my training but makes sense to me what your saying I was taught as if I was a hcp nurse on ward taught me the whole 'thing' on a dummy baby

MistressIggi · 08/12/2012 23:58

I have a snuza, like piglet. Fewer false alarms than the under-mattress one I used with ds1. I would have said there's no space in my room for a cot, but as for ds2 there is no space in any other room either, I've magically discovered there is space alongside the bed for it! Or, you can use a crib up to 6 months roughly, so it is not moses baset or nothing.
I think I follow all the advice FSIDS give, and yet I still think about sids every day. Not healthy I know.

MistressIggi · 09/12/2012 00:06

Are there any (reliable) videos on the internet demonstrating resucitation?

Moominsarescary · 09/12/2012 00:11

We were told to check after a certain number of cycles and I can't remember if it was 4 or 6, which would be 2 or 3 mins.

mistress there might be some if you google CPR NHS

MistressIggi · 09/12/2012 00:12

Thanks

Moominsarescary · 09/12/2012 00:14

We were taught on an asthmatic dummy baby, was not very nice

GothAnneGeddes · 09/12/2012 00:23

Going against the "mood" of the thread, but YANBU. DD was bloody noisy and in her own room well before 6 months. I don't regret it.

CoolaYuleA · 09/12/2012 00:28

Moomin you are right when you say that 20 secs after stopping breathing the heart should be beating so resuscitation in that situation should be possible. But that is only the case if the breathing stops first.

The issue for SIDS is that there is no definitive proof that events happen in that order. One of the biggest questions (simplified) around SIDS is does the heart stop because the baby stopped breathing - or does the baby stop breathing because the heart stopped? The truth is they don't know - and some babies, on monitors so caught at 20 seconds, hearts have stopped and they cannot be resuscitated.

The Angelcare monitor can be used in a moses basket, we had one downstairs until DD grew out of it. We had a crib upstairs in our room, and then bought another for downstairs. Not as expensive as it sounds - Kiddicare! The most expensive part was buying mattresses that fit the criteria. (One for the MB, two for cribs, one for cotbed).

We have never had a false alarm with the Angelcare monitor but it has alarmed when necessary.

CoolaYuleA · 09/12/2012 00:30

Mistress - speak to the nurse at your GP practice - she should be able to refer you to a paediatric first aid course in your area, which will include resuscitation.

We had resus training at home (for obvious reasons) and it's something that I think would be better learnt on a dummy rather than from a video if at all possible.