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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put DS in his own room?

118 replies

SpanielFace · 08/12/2012 19:25

DS is 14 weeks and usually wakes just once a night to feed (he is breastfed). Currently he sleeps in a Moses basket next to my side of the bed. I'm considering moving him into his own room (next door) as I keep waking him up at night (coughing, rolling over noisily, going to the toilet - he is a very light sleeper). Also, he wakes me up (grunting, squeaking, farting!). DH sleeps through it all, I might point out!

I miss being able to lie in bed talking to DH, and I miss being able to have sex in bed (I just can't dtd with a baby in the room - it feels weird, and I'm scared of waking him!). But SIDS guidelines recommend that babies sleep in their parent's room until 6 months. I don't really understand why this is (isn't SIDS silent? So it's not like I'd hear anything) and we don't smoke or have any other risk factors.

What would you do?

OP posts:

CoolaYuleA · 09/12/2012 00:32

Just realised I put she for a nurse! Would just like to make it clear that that's because our paeds nurse who we saw a LOT was a woman, not because I believe that nursing is a "woman's job". Brain fart!

CoolaYuleA · 09/12/2012 00:34

Sock - it more than likely was. And my heating is never high either, and not on at all upstairs bar the bathroom, that would be sadistic!

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 00:36

Goth Annecdote does not equal data.

louisianablue2000 · 09/12/2012 00:52

There are about 300 babies die of SIDS a year in the UK (that's less than 1:2000 average, obviously a non-smoking BFed child would have a lower risk). It is not the main cause of childhood deaths. You have to make your own choice. I have friends who only wake up when their baby is awake and beginning to cry for a feed, they tend to follow the advice. With DD1 I was awake most of the night because she made so much noise and had to put her out of our room before she was a week old for my own sanity, DD2 lasted a whole 6 weeks with us (Admittedly there was some cosleeping going on at times, is the consensus for or against that for SIDS?), DS is still in with us but driving me crazy with his snuffling at 12 weeks so will be moved soon. We don't smoke, we have a cold house, they all slept on their back until they could roll over themselves (at which point the girls both became committed tummy sleepers), we use sleeping bags, the girls were both EBF to 6 months (and DS is also EBF). Each of these things are factors in reducing the risk of SIDS but I doubt anyone sensible would be attacking someone who FF because of the increased risk of SIDS? So why be so mean to someone who is considering moving their low risk child to a different room?

GothAnneGeddes · 09/12/2012 00:56

Chipping - I never said it did. Just telling the O.P what I did.

Louisi- Quite. I don't drink alcohol and would never drink it during pregnancy, but there are plenty on here who do.

Moominsarescary · 09/12/2012 01:04

Who's being mean? Some people will say they've done it and were happy with the choice, others will say they wouldn't as it goes against advice.

Also I think if someone was asking questions about feeding the baby before it was born some posters would advise bf because of SIDS risks, if they are already ff there would be no point, so not really the same thing

Original poster

SpanielFace · 09/12/2012 01:48

Wow, I've just woken up for the night feed, and that's a lot of replies!

I think I'll try swapping sides with DH, and seeing if that helps. But, like a few other people have said, when he goes into a cot he will have to go into his own room - there is no way it will fit in ours. He's a little baby, still only 10 lb 7, so that's going to be at least another month I would think. So we'll go with it for now. I do really think we're low risk, but I'd never forgive myself if something did happen. Chrissy's story sent shivers down my spine.

OP posts:

MummytoKatie · 09/12/2012 01:52

I read on a different parenting site (and pretty sure the poster was a GP) that the main reason that sharing a room with the baby reduces SIDS is because you disturb baby then baby disturbs you then you disturb baby etc etc and as a result baby doesn't fall asleep deep enough to forget to breathe.

For the same reason back sleeping is advised as sleeping on your back is really uncomfortable so poor old baby gets a rubbish nights sleep. But baby keeps breathing.

She also said that sometimes SIDS is not silent.

Somehow the endless disturbances that you get with the baby in the room with you seemed much more bearable when I realised they were protecting dd from SIDS.

LDNmummy · 09/12/2012 02:24

I have co slept with my DD for pretty much every day since she was born over a year ago. I am a light sleeper and had a Moses basket right next to my bed when she was new born. a few weeks after her birth she started sleeping on my chest. around 3 months or so she started sleeping in my bed, she is here next to me in bed right now.

I think for me it was totally instinctual to do things this way. It has been tough and it still is. I am sleep deprived and frazzled most days.

A close family member lost a baby to SIDS earlier this year. The baby slept in another room and I remember thinking it might have been avoided had the baby been in the same room. That isn't to say I judge them for having the baby in another room. We all parent in different ways and sometimes people's circumstances mean they have to go against the grain.

But for me I could not risk it ever. I wake up intermittently during my sleep to check on my DD and I can do this because she is always at arms reach. It is worth the lack of sleep.

hazeyjane · 09/12/2012 05:17

I think 6 months is just such a short time.

Ds was an extremely noisy sleeper, due to his reflux and breathing problems, he also had to be manually turned, when he became uncomfortable until he started rolling at about 18 months. There is no way he could have slept in another room, but when you have to do it, you just have to do it!

With dd1 and 2 we had a very small bedroom, but managed by using a crib rather than a moses basket, as they last longer.

conorsrockers · 09/12/2012 06:50

Had I have read this thread before I had my kids (10 years ago now) I possibly would have kept them in with me for a while, however, they slept on their front in their own room from day one - as they were in an adjoining room I did not worry with monitors. How times change so quickly! Sadly, a good friends baby died from SIDS, he was next to her on his back . I run for the hills when the nanny state starts telling us how to bring up our kids, however, I think it would not be wise to ignore statistics such as these.

BlueyDragon · 09/12/2012 07:24

The interesting thing for me in this thread was reading the rationale for the guideline about sleeping in your room for the first 6 months. I never knew that it was about the mutual disturbance keeping sleep light. Both mine went into their own rooms well before 6 months, partly because they outgrew the Moses basket and partly because they were such noisy sleepers. One of the factors that led me to ignore the guidelines was not understanding the rationale at all - like the OP I couldn't see the logic. It probably wouldn't have made a difference and thankfully both mine are fine, but at least I would have been able to make a proper assessment of the risks. The information is of course available on the Internet, but I don't think it's unreasonable to treat parents as thinking logical adults rather than simply issuing guidelines with no explanation.

I'm so sorry for those on this thread who have experienced the worst side of SIDS.

MacaroniAndWalnut · 09/12/2012 09:55

If you can't fit a cot in your room and the baby is too big for a Moses basket how about a hammock? We had a moffi miyo or amby do them too. Both ours slept in them until 6 or 7 months, both were huge babies, over 99th thingy and both slept through from about 8 and 10 weeks respectively (I know that's the luck of the draw not down to anything in particular but it meant we weren't disturbed much)

piglettsmummy · 09/12/2012 13:34

Moomin I agree practising on a dummy baby was horrific but in hindsight I'm glad I did my expectation of doing it was a lot less than when I Actually did it! (doing it on the doll I found that alt more force goes into it than feels comfortable with)

I was told a while back by our paed (not sure if anyone else heard the same ) that they are looking into research about baby's who died from SIDs having underlying conditions (like my dd has) because at postmortem they wouldn't show up but conditions like that are assumed to cause some percentage of the deaths. I still follow SIDs advice now and my dd at age 2.3 doesn't have a proper quilt yet as she overheats. For those that are really lacking in sleep couldnt you Split the nights so one would sleep in a different room with baby and the next night you switch then atleast you'd get every other night without any interruption?

Moominsarescary · 09/12/2012 14:09

I did read something about low production of serotonin, also that boys have a higher core temp than girls which could be why they are more at risk.

Moominsarescary · 09/12/2012 20:41

Don't know if anyone is still reading this but there is a thread here a women who lost her son and has recently had a baby, it seems she has all the monitors etc but can't sleep and sounds very anxious. I thought maybe it would help her to talk to others who have been through it if anyone feels able

Thanks

chrismissymoomoomee · 09/12/2012 21:07

Thanks moomins thats very kind of you :)

I will message her and see if I can help at all.

CoolaYuleA · 09/12/2012 21:35

Moomins thanks for posting, I'll head over as well to see if I can offer any support.

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