Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be angry at this mother.

165 replies

Sallyingforth · 07/12/2012 10:25

Right. I know I'm going to be flamed for this as it's been discussed before but I'll ask anyway.
On the tv last night there was a young mother who was complaining that the council had kept her in b&b because they had no suitable flats. You could see that she was also pregnant. There was no mention of a father for either child.
The last time I checked, pregnancy was optional. It seems totally irresponsible to have another baby when you do not have adequate accommodation for the first.
Councils have a responsibility to house homeless people, and that is quite right. But they cannot keep building infinite numbers of flats just to keep up with people who expect free accommodation for life. The rest of us have to pay for it!

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 13:48

I know what the OP said, Eldritch- she's wrong!

Unless I saw a report with a different woman?

Sallyingforth, can you confirm that this is the woman you refer to in your OP, or was it someone else?

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 13:48

x post

higgle · 07/12/2012 13:51

YANBU - and she is correct in saying she is failing her child.

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 13:56

She said she felt like she was failing her child when they were in B&B accommodation.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 13:56

Freddos, what if she conceived in a relatively good situation and then found herself alone...in that instance would you still judge her?

What if she was working but lost her job - what if she was evicted unfairly from where she thought she had a safe place to live - what if the father of the child started abusing her. Abuse often begins in pregnancy; people are often evicted due to pregnancy.

What's your take on it then?

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 13:57

As I said, the woman in that report:

-Was not pregnant
-Was no longer living in a B&B
-Did not say whether she was working or not
-Did not say whether she was in private or council accommodation
-Made no mention of her education

Unless I've missed it?

EldritchCleavage · 07/12/2012 14:02

I know what the OP said, Eldritch- she's wrong!

I am not agreeing with the OP, or defending anything she has said. The report stated the woman, Amanda, was in B&B for 9 weeks before she left, and was now staying in a friend's flat. She pointed out where on the floor she had to sleep. I also pointed out earlier I didn't think she was pregnant. Nothing I posted is inconsistent with anything you are saying tethers.

OhDearNigel · 07/12/2012 14:04

OP, maybe you'd like to try spending a night in some of the "B&Bs" that council dump young, vulnerable women with children. Flea ridden, drug ridden hovels would be a more appropriate description.

I have been in several in my working life; they weren't fit to house an animal.

FrothyOM · 07/12/2012 14:08

OK, she is called Amanda, has a young child and is homeless. That is all the info I could glean from that brief report. YABU to make any judgement, positive or negative, from that amount of information.

YABU to moan about paying for council flats to be built. This country needs affordable homes. And plenty of the people who need them are WORKING.

Sallyingforth · 07/12/2012 14:08

All right, having watched the recording I certainly get a different impression from the original viewing.
So In the case of this particular woman IWBU

But where was the father?

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 14:10

Sorry, Eldritch, in my sleep-deprived state I got you and Everlong confused!

Apologies.

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 14:12

Good on you for admitting YWBU, Sallyingforth.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 14:13

Indeed, where was the father.

OhDearNigel · 07/12/2012 14:15

Shagging his next girlfriend I expect. Then when he gets her pregnant he'll fuck off to the next gullible girl

LRDtheFeministDude · 07/12/2012 14:15

Good for you for admitting that. And for asking where the father is!

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 14:20

Indeed- absent fathers is a problem which definitely needs tackling; but making assumptions about this particular child's father is unfair. He may not even be alive.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles · 07/12/2012 14:23

I'd complain if I get put into a B+B and yes my children were an option I chose to take, but it's really shite being squeezed into someone else's home instead of homeless units or emergency housing, so I guess I wouldn't judge this lady. I've been at risk of eviction for the past two months, and at one point could have been spending Christmas in a B+B or hostel.

Damn right I would have complained very loudly as neither would be suitable for me due to my DD's special needs and my disabilities. I know it's better than the streets, but the council should have a more effective system of helping homeless people.

Like I found out yesterday that they have discretionary funds to try to help people in arrears avoid homelessness (never mentioned to me), that they may have an allocations policy, but I can legally challenge that as being discriminatory due to my condition/daughter's needs, and hopefully be considered as a special case (no mention of that made either). And that there may be charitable funds out that that can help with my circumstances (they didn't mention that too).

Really believe the council (well, mine anyway) could be more pro-active with helping people to avoid homelessness in the first place, and it was only the DLA coming through for my daughter that changed our circumstances from urgent to getting by.

EldritchCleavage · 07/12/2012 14:27

Tethers, uuurgh!
Send gin, and all will be forgiven.

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 14:28

I promise to agree with anything you say on any thread, ever Grin

EldritchCleavage · 07/12/2012 14:29

No. Gin.

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 14:31

Needs must.

| |
| |
||
| |
||

Hope that works... Cheers!

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 14:32

Oh for fuck's sake.

EldritchCleavage · 07/12/2012 16:49

Hic

scott2609 · 07/12/2012 18:11

I'm a housing officer and the majority of the homeless applications we handle are from pregnant females or those with children already, as beyond this, it's fairly difficult to be considered in 'priority need' for homelessness assistance.

First of all, it is not an automatic right for somebody pregnant and homeless to receive assistance with their housing. Various tests have to be applied, including an assessment as to whether they have made themselves intentionally homeless, in which case, no duty would be owed and the case would be passed to social services.

On the whole, the pregnant females we get making homeless applications are young girls who have been living with their parents, who have either been kicked out on announcing their pregnancy, or have been kicked out as soon as the baby arrives.

I actually find that it is the parents in such situations who are far more entitled and unrealistic in their expectations about what the council can and will do to assist their daughter.

Recent legislation changes mean that if a full housing duty is owed to an applicant, that a local authority does not necessarily have to place them into council accommodation. In fact, the majority of our applicants (pregnant or otherwise!) couldn't give two hoots about council housing, and will happily accept an offer of private rented accommodation because they simply want to be housed ASAP.

It is a job that can make you very disillusioned with the world, and there are undoubtedly some utterly idiotic girls who are very entitled, and who do not have the capacity to make sensible and informed choices, but this isn't the case most of the time.

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/12/2012 18:14

Thank you Scott. That's exactly what I've been telling people for ages.

Unfortunately people who believe that kid = house are the ones who perpetuate the myth

Swipe left for the next trending thread