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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for this baby after injections...

117 replies

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:04

I hate to feel like a judgey parent but this really pulls at my heartstrings :(

Each time we've taken our DS for injections, there is generally the same group of parents/babies. Standard scenario with each baby - goes in happy, then you hear screams, comes out crying and then hang around the waiting area for a while to make sure of no reactions.

There is just one mum who, the three times we've been, has walked back in, after injections, with the baby in the pram rather than in her arms and this baby is SCREAMING. Obviously very, very upset as would be expected. But whilst everyone else comforts/cuddles their babies (who are usually only whimpering by this point), she just stands staring at her baby in the pram as if to say 'why are you crying??' and offers toys etc.

AIBU to really want to pick up this baby and comfort them? :(

OP posts:
WileywithSageStuffing · 07/12/2012 09:13

YABU.

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:16

Yes yabu.

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:17

Maybe she gave her baby a cuddle directly after the jab?
Maybe she takes baby home and cuddles the bones of him afterwards?
You don't know do you?

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:18

Can I just ask why? I accept I'm probably being too precious!! Just wanted to get it out and tbh I would rather know I am, so next time I can leave feeling a bit less :( !

OP posts:
FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine · 07/12/2012 09:19

Maybe he is tired and needing sleep

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:19

I know Pictish - I guess it's just seeing all the other babies being comforted and this one just screaming its little lungs out!

OP posts:
Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:21

Well actually I know I'm being precious because its been a few weeks and it was just playing on my mind then.

OP posts:
lola88 · 07/12/2012 09:21

I'm with you my instinct would be to cuddle any crying baby and would be a bit judgy about someone who left the baby crying in the pram, it's possible the woman had her reasons or she's just a shit mum but either way it would upset me.

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 07/12/2012 09:21

How judgy of you,

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:22

Maybe she feels under pressure in the doctor's surgery in front of all the other mums, and just wants out of there to deal with her baby in private?
Going by your post, you can see why she might feel that way can't you?

For very shy people, having to 'perform' in public can be too much for them.

PrincessMononoke · 07/12/2012 09:23

She probably just wants to get the baby home rather than comforting him / her in the writing room then crying again when she puts the baby back in the pushchair.

Hormonalhell · 07/12/2012 09:23

I'd be same haribo I'm that bad have asked DP to take in DC's as my heart breaks when they cry Sad

PrincessMononoke · 07/12/2012 09:23

Yes and probably feels shy about performing in front of a room full of people.

EarnestDullard · 07/12/2012 09:25

I can understand your reaction; DD2 had her first jabs last week and screamed her head off for the first couple of minutes. I think as a new mum you often have a hormonal reaction to a baby crying; hearing any baby cry really pulls at my heartstrings at the moment. And I couldn't not pick up my DD if she was properly upset like that.

But as others have said, you don't know exactly what's going on. YANBU to feel sad for the baby being upset, but YABU to judge.

YeahBuddy · 07/12/2012 09:27

Bit harsh to assume she's a shit mum. There are a number of reasons that stand out to me including physical disabilities that mean she can't push the pram whilst carrying her child at the same time (which I can't do incidentally so...) plus how do you know this woman is even the child's mother? My friend had to get her cousins husband to take her DS for injections because she has a phobia of needles. The woman could be a relative of the baby but not it's mum.

Or it could be that she's just not very affectionate, doesn't make her a shit mum.

Softlysoftly · 07/12/2012 09:27

Bad back so can't carry baby? Baby fights being hugged (DD2 was like this for a bit), detached due to PND? Or could just be a shit mum.

Yanbu to feel its against instinct but there could be reasons.

WileywithSageStuffing · 07/12/2012 09:27

Yes that's it lola she'll just be a shit mum .... Hmm

Jeez

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:27

For example - if my dh (who suffers from chronic shyness and social anxiety, though you would not know it to look at him) took any of our kids for a jab, he probably wouldn't do the whole there-there-daddy's-wee-angel routine in front of strangers. he's be flushed and sweating with the anxiety of it all. People looking at him.
He would do it in the car though, or at home - away from the judgey eyes of others. He's a very affectionate father, but a gathering of strangers in a waiting room watching him, would make him want to downplay and flee. So he would.

Good job it's been me at every injection, but I can imagine the scenario if it hadn't been.

Maybe she is cold, but there's every chance she isn't. You don't know.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 09:29

Maybe she just didn't fancy playing the 'i love my baby more' game that you were all having s bash at in the waiting room.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:29

I don't think she's shy - she often sparks up conversation with other mums there and chats away.

I'm not judging as to say she's a shit mum or anything in that sense, I just feel sad for the baby but assumed its just a different parenting technique to my own/others I know.

I think it's hard not to have an opinion when you see something like this, even if you don't necessarily mean to judge it's your natural instinct to have thoughts on it. And it's interesting to hear how many wouldn't be bothered by it.

OP posts:
Ephiny · 07/12/2012 09:31

YABU, it's absolutely none of your business.

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 07/12/2012 09:31

There is all manner of reasons not just shyness.

The baby might not like being picked up and would scream more,
The mum might have a disability and not able to pick up a thrashing screaming baby safely

YABVU and judgy

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:34

Again, not judging. My question wasn't AIBU to judge this mum. It was AIBU to feel sad for the baby. I would feel the same regardless of the reasons 'why'. Purely because surely no one wants to see a baby in distress. I totally accept she may have to do it this way, doesn't stop it pulling at my heartstrings.

OP posts:
pictish · 07/12/2012 09:35

Ok so she's not shy - but there are loads of reasons she might conduct herself as she does.
Point is...you don't know.

You are feeling sorry for her baby based on very little. To me, it's actually just another form of self satisfaction.

"I do it right, and she does it wrong."

WileywithSageStuffing · 07/12/2012 09:36

and a couple of years down the line at nursery as children are screaming their hearts out about being left, the same people judging this woman will be saying "oh yes leave them with a bunch of strangers they'll be fine". Confused

The fact is maybe she couldn't hold the baby and push the pram, maybe as she was leaving in 3 minutes she didn't think it was productive to get the baby out and then upset it again putting it down, maybe she knew getting the baby out and attempting to shower it with affection would make it go nuclear (as was the case with my DD2).

You said yourself she was interacting with the baby offering it toys. It's not like she shoved the pram in the corner and went outside to have a fag.

Cannot believe you now can't even go to the doctors without your parenting being scrutinised.