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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for this baby after injections...

117 replies

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:04

I hate to feel like a judgey parent but this really pulls at my heartstrings :(

Each time we've taken our DS for injections, there is generally the same group of parents/babies. Standard scenario with each baby - goes in happy, then you hear screams, comes out crying and then hang around the waiting area for a while to make sure of no reactions.

There is just one mum who, the three times we've been, has walked back in, after injections, with the baby in the pram rather than in her arms and this baby is SCREAMING. Obviously very, very upset as would be expected. But whilst everyone else comforts/cuddles their babies (who are usually only whimpering by this point), she just stands staring at her baby in the pram as if to say 'why are you crying??' and offers toys etc.

AIBU to really want to pick up this baby and comfort them? :(

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 10:13

I'd have judged too. Most people would, despite the rush to cover all possible scenarios which may or may not include the correct one.
Taking the scene at face value, I'd have judged.

witchface · 07/12/2012 10:13

Why on earth are all the babies crying so much after their injections? Surely its a few seconds and then forgotten about?

TwinklingWonderland · 07/12/2012 10:15

Yanbu. I would think cuddling a distraught baby after injections is the norm? My ds was so distraught from each injection she noisily filled her nappy in the doctors waiting room, then I bf her in front of the other patients.

Tbh I didn't care what anyone else thought, I just wanted to comfort her when she needed it.

worldgonecrazy · 07/12/2012 10:17

YANBU. There are a million and one perfectly valid reasons why she might not pick the child up to offer comfort. But unfortunately one of the most likely reasons is she's a shit mum. You can borrow my judgey pants if you want? They're freshly laundered.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:17

Witch face - they weren't. They were just whimpering as they were brought back into the waiting rooms (being held). This was the only one not being held and incidentally the only one screaming.

To others - I'm not going to back down on the fact I think it's sad to see a baby cry but I accept the reasons you've given, as I've said. I don't think there's anything wrong with being upset by babies in distress but I think I was probably being unreasonable not to just assume one of the given scenarios instead of focusing on distressed-baby.

OP posts:
AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 10:18

permaquandry I get the impression from the OP that no comfort, either verbal or physical was given to the baby,

she did, she was distracting with toys. Not totally ignoring then.

KitCat26 · 07/12/2012 10:19

Maybe she just has her hands full.

I always used to strap my two back into the buggy before leaving the nurses room after jabs. There is no way I could have steered it, carried a bag and held the baby (and with the second held a toddler's hand) too.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 10:19

I would wonder too OP, and I hate to see a distressed baby,but honestly think I would have assumed she had good reason, as she was paying attention, and trying to distract with toys etc.

nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 10:22

How long do you have to wait in the waiting room for to check for no reactions?

If she had a physical disability that meant she couldn't push the pram and carry the baby at the same time, why wouldn't you just leave the pram in the waiting room whilst you went to have the injections?

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:23

Nappy - we have always been told 5-10 mins. It's a big waiting room and yes most people leave prams in it before going into the injection room, and most stay in there the full 10 minutes.

OP posts:
permaquandry · 07/12/2012 10:24

Point taken ALIEN. At this point I will bow out. I hope the baby is ok, I do not miss having the take the kids for jabs. The pre-school booster is the worst, I had to rugby hold my youngest down, very traumatic. I feel for all the kiddies who go through so much more on a regular basis.

Merry christmas one and all. Brew and a cake for me now......Grin

valiumredhead · 07/12/2012 10:25

I never waited for any reactions, I was never told to but that was 11 years ago - in and out quick as possible.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:27

Valium - maybe as it is such a large waiting room they are able to accommodate everyone easily and so it probably helps put parents minds at rest knowing they can hang about 'just in case' ?

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 07/12/2012 10:31

Well I'd think it a bit odd to not cuddle a baby post-jabs and you know in RL I think a lot of other people would too.

God - I've seen threads on here when people get very het up about screaming babies in supermarkets and say the baby should be picked up. You just never know how things will go in AIBU

Sirzy · 07/12/2012 10:32

I have never been told to wait around after a vaccine. Seems like a waste of everyone's time really! The time I reacted to an injection it took 20 minutes for the reaction to start anway'

nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 10:33

Although I suppose she may have found just walking and holding the baby or standing and holding the baby at the same time difficult. She may only be able to sit down holding her baby. In our doctors either the receptionist tells you to go through or the nurse comes out to fetch you from the waiting room so in that scenario I would ask the receptionist or nurse to carry the baby for me if I had a disability that meant I couldn't walk and carry the baby at the same time.

Haribo Does this happen at your surgery or are you called through by an intercom?

MrsCampbellBlack · 07/12/2012 10:33

I was told to wait for 5 mins after all my children's vaccinations - pretty standard here. Not sure about adults though.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:36

Nappy addict - 2 nurses take turns to come in and bring you through.

OP posts:
Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:38

Also I think the waiting afterwards is probably mainly to reassure parents they can hang around if they're worried about adverse affects or think of questions they'd forgotten to ask.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 10:42

Does the mum wait the 5-10 minutes or does she scarper straight away?

If it were me and I felt everyone was looking at me I'd probably come out of the nurses office, leave straight away and wait in the car or go for a walk nearby so if there was a reaction I could go back after.

threesocksfullofchocs · 07/12/2012 10:44

yabu
no doubt you judge everyone who doesn't meet your standards

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:45

Nappy addict she usually waits the full ten mins, maybe longer as I've left by then, and chats to the other mums waiting.

OP posts:
goldenlula · 07/12/2012 10:59

We can't take our prams through to the room so always had to carry the baby through each time, but even if they were still crying when we got to the pram they would go in it. We do not need to wait (never been asked to wait for a reaction with any of my 3), so my plan is to get them out of the surgery as quickly as possible.

nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 11:07

I must admit I don't understand why you'd leave a baby crying in the pram for 10 minutes trying to distract them with toys. I would sit down, take them out and cuddle them. I might leave them in the pram if they would settle off by themselves or if I was going to leave pretty much right away I might leave them in the pram but not if I was going to wait 10 minutes and they would be crying for that whole time.

Does the baby cry for the whole 10 minutes or does he/she settle off by then?

pictish · 07/12/2012 11:08

OP - I think you are slightly getting your arse handed to you, because we are all under scrutiny like this, and some of us want to be supportive.

What a situation like this lacks is context.

I remember recently being given the hard stare and the head shake by a lady in the public toilets, who saw me being very cross towards my wee daughter who wanted to do a pee, and then giving her a dressing down when she didn't manage one. I admit I probably appeared an ogre to her.
However, the flip side is that the public toilets are on the way back from nursery, and my two little ones (particularly dd) insist on going in for pee every single day, but inevitably fail to do anything. Then they must wash their hands and dry them and the whole shebang ends up with me spending 15 minutes in the public toilets every day.
That day I had a ton of shopping (I am on foot btw - I can't drive) and the weather was abysmal. All I wanted to do was get home as quickly as possible.
The toilet routine finally annoyed me to the point that I really crossly told dd that she was wasting my time.

The lady in the other cubicle came out and if looks could kill......

She didn't know. Context is everything, but it is so hard to know.