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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad for this baby after injections...

117 replies

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:04

I hate to feel like a judgey parent but this really pulls at my heartstrings :(

Each time we've taken our DS for injections, there is generally the same group of parents/babies. Standard scenario with each baby - goes in happy, then you hear screams, comes out crying and then hang around the waiting area for a while to make sure of no reactions.

There is just one mum who, the three times we've been, has walked back in, after injections, with the baby in the pram rather than in her arms and this baby is SCREAMING. Obviously very, very upset as would be expected. But whilst everyone else comforts/cuddles their babies (who are usually only whimpering by this point), she just stands staring at her baby in the pram as if to say 'why are you crying??' and offers toys etc.

AIBU to really want to pick up this baby and comfort them? :(

OP posts:

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 11:11

When my baby was that young, I suffered terrible SPD. I looked pretty normal. But I could not lift my baby out of the pram. At all. I could not lift him, full stop.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 07/12/2012 11:12

When dd was small and at the hv clinic to be weighed, I saw a girl who was in the year above me through school with her small ds. I was 17 so she was 18/19 at the time. Her ds was sick when she was changing him and I overheard her muttering 'you disgusting little boy, look what you've done' etc etc. I was flabbergasted and pulled up my judge pants.

Roll on 4 yrs my dd and her ds are at school together. I try and push the incident from my mind as she seems a loving mum. We ended up chatting one day, and it turns out she didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 28 weeks, her son was born prem at 34 weeks. She had a 6week surprise pregnancy. And unsurprisingly had pnd as a result if the shock.

I've tried my best not to judge new mothers again. You never know what's going on behind the scenes!

pictish · 07/12/2012 11:14

Anyway yes - I was trying to say that mothers get a hard time I think. Whatever you are seen to be doing is wrong.
I always want to fight against that tide so try to keep an open mind.

I once had a confrontation with a member of staff in a clothes shop. My baby started crying to be fed while I was trying on jeans. By the time I'd got changed back the staff member was in my face telling me that I was more bothered about trying on clothes for myself than feeding that poor wee baby.

She was furious, getting all in my face with her nostrils flaring, and I ended up feeding dd on a bench in the street, crying with shock.

She clearly thought I had been negligent, but dd was my third baby, and the situation was well in hand.
People view things different ways. Perhaps she would not have left a baby to cry for even a minute.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 07/12/2012 11:20

Context is everything.

However, I would still feel sorry for a baby, having had their injections, not being cuddled - whether they want it or not - because I wouldn't know they didn't want it and I can't imagine a baby not wanting a cuddle. I fully accept there may be a perfectly good reason why she was doing what she was doing... but I would still feel sorry for the baby.

Original poster

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 11:25

Nappy addict - no the baby doesn't settle.

Pictish I agree people are quick to judge but I think there's a difference between a 2/3/4 month old baby and pre schoolers who have been told numerous times. I wouldn't feel upset for your children and would assume they'd been told. However, as you can't tell a baby 'don't worry that pain will go away soon', I would feel upset to see a baby very visibly distressed. And that's regardless of whether the mum can pick them up or if they fight being comforted. It's a distressed baby, and that conjures strong feelings. I would feel equally upset for the mother if I knew she was having trouble/unable to comfort the baby despite wanting/needing to.

I know I am over emotional!

That is all :)

OP posts:

pictish · 07/12/2012 11:28

No it's not the same - you're absolutely right.
I just used it to demonstrate context.

Maybe your instincts serve you correctly, and she's cold? We just can't know.

Original poster

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 11:29

Also that was disgusting of the staff member to act that way in the changing room situation.

OP posts:

pictish · 07/12/2012 11:48

It was. I did complain.

Goldenbear · 07/12/2012 13:31

Well the nurse at my surgery must have been very judgey as she would ask you to get ready to BF straight away or whether you had a bottle ready for after the jabs, failing that lots of cuddles. TBH, I thought that was a perfectly natural expectation.

JenFrankincenseAndMyrrh · 07/12/2012 13:46

When I've taken DD for her jabs it has been jabs, me holding cotton wool to stop the bleeding while the nurse does the paperwork and DD smiling at her when I'm getting her dressed again. I put her in her carseat and straight out to the car and home. Never been told to hang around, the carpark is so small that it is a pain trying to get parked there normally without lots of people hanging around the waiting room unnecessarily.

If she was still fussing after I leave the nurse's room then I wouldn't faff around taking her out of her carseat and carrying her, I'd just get her in the car ASAP and then sort her out at home. The movement calms her anyway so I'd either have a sleeping or happy baby when I get home.

MarianneM · 07/12/2012 13:48

Why is it judgy? Everyone has such a bee in their bonnet about "being judgy" and always making any possible excuses for the parents.

I would also feel sorry for the baby - and I don't think it's bad to say something nicely to the parent.

I was recently working at a uni graduation ceremony where I heard a small baby crying for a long time in the floor above. I then saw that the baby was carried around by an older woman, obviously the GP who wasn't able to calm the baby despite her best efforts. The baby's parents were at the ceremony.

So I went over and asked if she had tried to put a finger in the baby's mouth which always calmed my daughter when she was a baby. She was very nice and didn't mind at all so I asked if I could hold the baby which I did, and I managed to comfort him and calm him down.

He was happy, the GP was happy, I was happy.

hoobledoo · 07/12/2012 13:55

YANBU!!! I would feel the same way, any mother should comfort their child when they're upset. I think that's awful!!! and anyone who disagrees clearly does not have a heart!!!!

SamSmalaidh · 07/12/2012 14:00

YANBU - I would feel very sad for the baby too.

Yes, maybe the mum has loads of good reasons for not comforting the baby, but that doesn't make the baby any less distressed, does it?

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 07/12/2012 14:00

can you suggest a cuddle? 'poor thing, just had injections? Just want to give him a big cuddle'

SantaFrontPaws · 07/12/2012 14:07

I agree about context. We took DS to the nurse when he was tiny and poorly. DH was sleep deprived and said 'we've tried everything, even infanticide' he meant infacol and the nurse almost wet herself laughing.

ICBINEG · 07/12/2012 14:20

My DD was a baby that hated to be held....I am glad it never occurred to me that people would be wringing their hands over the fact I wasn't holding her rather than feeling sorry for me (who did need a cuddle after witnessing the jabbing of my baby).

Now at 18 mo she will ask for the odd pick up and cuddle but my god does she go nuts if a stranger tries to touch her....

So I guess I will also be judged for being extremely averse to strangers getting in her face in the supermarket also...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

DeWe · 07/12/2012 14:24

Dd2 could have been that baby. (she is 9 now, so wasn't) She used to scream full pelt on anything, didn't do quiet complaining. Had the plus side that she would never be ignored in a creche if she was upset. 0 to 60 in 1 second flat.

But if she got to a certain point, she was actually better to be put down in her cot or pram and ignored. She calmed down much quicker that way. If she was in that state, cuddling her and trying to calm her down worked the other way. Once she was calm she'd need a cuddle, then she'd go to sleep.

She didn't often get to that state, and, yes, it did make me feel bad that I couldn't comfort her, but it was much quicker and easier on her to let her finish on her own.

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