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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for this baby after injections...

117 replies

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:04

I hate to feel like a judgey parent but this really pulls at my heartstrings :(

Each time we've taken our DS for injections, there is generally the same group of parents/babies. Standard scenario with each baby - goes in happy, then you hear screams, comes out crying and then hang around the waiting area for a while to make sure of no reactions.

There is just one mum who, the three times we've been, has walked back in, after injections, with the baby in the pram rather than in her arms and this baby is SCREAMING. Obviously very, very upset as would be expected. But whilst everyone else comforts/cuddles their babies (who are usually only whimpering by this point), she just stands staring at her baby in the pram as if to say 'why are you crying??' and offers toys etc.

AIBU to really want to pick up this baby and comfort them? :(

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/12/2012 09:51

Good job your child has never been so ill that even if you wanted to pick them up to comfort them you can't. Perhaps this is why DS often settled better 'alone' than being hugged.

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 09:52

YANBU I don't care if it's judgey. Fewer people should turn a blind eye to things. A lot of awful stuff goes on because people don't want to interfere

[SHOCK] SERIOUSLY you are actually being serious about this,

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:52

I don't agree with the OP, but I understand her.

WileywithSageStuffing · 07/12/2012 09:53

I think that's my point, I totally accept she probably has good reasons for it BUT the baby doesn't know that.

Don't worry yourself OP I am sure despite the baby knowing it's mum didn't cuddle it after its immunisations it won't hold it against her.

SantasNaughtySack · 07/12/2012 09:54

After DD's injections, I just wanted to get out of the GP surgery as quickly as possible so we could both have a little cry and cuddle in the car.
YABU for judging, and YABU for pretending you weren't judging.

WileywithSageStuffing · 07/12/2012 09:56

I also understand what the OP is saying BUT we all know she is judging despite the "feeling sorry for baby" line and that is unreasonable.

I can't see how you can feel sorry for a baby/judge mothering capabilities on a 3 minute snapshot of their lives. She didn't even ignore the baby.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:56

Sirzy - how do you know I haven't experienced this? Maybe that's why I am now so upset by seeing others crying, needlessly or not.

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 07/12/2012 09:57

Even if there is something hideously wrong with her parenting skills because she put a crying baby in a pram then its not up to the OP to judge anyway, the woman has just come out of a nurses appointment, as a medical proffessional she would have picked up on it anyway and told the HV.

OP imagine how crap you would feel if you were being judged over 5 minutes of your parenting at a time when your baby is screaming and there is nothing you can do about it anyway.

Sirzy · 07/12/2012 09:58

If you have it makes you being so judgemental even worse.

Circumstances differ for everyone and nobody should apply their own ideals to everyone else.

Sokmonsta · 07/12/2012 09:58

YANBU for feeling sorry for the baby. But this comes on the back of judging the mum so yabu. I have severe pnd. Thankfully my babies have only ever cried for the few seconds of injection and after. If I were faced with my babies screaming at me, I'd be out of the surgery as fast as you could hoick up your judgy pants.

Chubfuddler · 07/12/2012 09:59

The brigade like the op really really piss me off.

mrscogon34thstreet · 07/12/2012 10:00

YABU in a way - for all the reasons already listed, however I think if you have a baby which likes/is soothed by cuddles and you are comfortable with cuddling in that situation then I can see how you would instinctively think the baby needed a cuddle.

How would you feel if I was judgmental about you 'just' cuddling the baby after jabs rather than getting a boob out and BF as that was the most effective soother for my DS after his? I could say that 'just' cuddling seemed a bit cruel rather than offering a feed. Obviously this is a ridiculous thing to say just as you saying that just playing with toys isn't enough.

SolomanDaisy · 07/12/2012 10:00

People actually think this is reasonable behaviour? People would actually treat their own babies this way? Bollocks they would, this is just AIBU contrariness at its best. OP, judge away. I would too.

aamia · 07/12/2012 10:01

Perhaps it wouldn't make a difference if she picked the baby up. I dunno. I tend to go wait in the car a bit in case of reaction - more private and easier to settle baby.

WileywithSageStuffing · 07/12/2012 10:02

People would actually treat their own babies this way?

I know it's totally abusing the baby, right? Hmm

hazeyjane · 07/12/2012 10:02

Well, you said

And as I say, genuinely hasn't come across babies who hate being comforted after injections etc

so I assume, that Sirzy read that and thought that you hadn't experienced a baby that was so ill that even if you wanted to pick them up to comfort them you can't

Ds was one of those babies that would scream whether i was holding him or not, and this was one of the reasons that I asked for jabs to be done at the end of sessions and any weigh ins etc to be done at home.

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:02

how do you know I haven't experienced this? Maybe that's why I am now so upset by seeing others crying, needlessly or not.

as your baby grows up and goes on to toddler groups and what not you are going to see parents picking up toddlers who fall give them a quick dusting off and send them on their way, sometimes still sniffing everybody is different and you are going to see parents acting in an "unemotional" way to crying, (for want of a better phrase,)

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 10:03

Mrs cog - I wouldn't be offended and I would offer my opinion that actually my baby isn't comforted by BFing (again, if this was the case). That's exactly why I posted, you are all offering the opinion that maybe the baby was happier without being comforted. That's fine, I've just not experienced it in the same way you've not experienced a baby that doesn't want to be BF(as an example)

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 07/12/2012 10:03

sorry, crossposted with lots of people!

permaquandry · 07/12/2012 10:05

I'm surprised at the bashing OP is getting. I would want too feel for the baby and want to se it being comforted.

I get the impression from the OP that no comfort, either verbal or physical was given to the baby, whilst the rest of the babies in the group were. This mum stood out and that's what made the OP take notice.

Yes, we do not know if the baby does not like to be cuddled, could also have issues but I guess the mum came across as unfazed which appeared cold, am I right OP?

There are some children out there who don't have enough love, sadly. I hope this baby isn't one of them.

I don't think the OP was being judgey.

chrismissymoomoomee · 07/12/2012 10:06

Yes Soloman I did treat one of my own babies this way. There was no way anything I could have done would settle her so she went in her pram and I took her home and left her to cry and picked her up when she stopped crying. Thats what she needed to do. Do you think it would have been better if I forced cuddles on her and made her cry more for my own sense of satisfaction or so others wouldn't judge me?

Cezella · 07/12/2012 10:09

Maybe she had cuddled the baby in the injection room but he was inconsolable so putting him in his pram and trying to distract him with toys was her way of trying to show him that there's nothing to be frightened of and it's over now? I don't know. I suppose there are different ways of doing things, but none of them are "the right way". Also like others have said, taking him out comforting him then strapping him in again might have made things worse so perhaps she wanted to get him to a quieter place first before comforting x

Chubfuddler · 07/12/2012 10:11

Of course the op was being judgy. She was making an assessment of this baby's feelings and the mothers response based on about three minutes observation.

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:12

People would actually treat their own babies this way

yes I put babies in prams crying a lot meh they have grown up fine no damage done yes parents do this sometimes,

MrsLyman · 07/12/2012 10:12

I fed DS2 after his injections he calmed down I then put him in the pram and he started crying, as he is quite prone to do I didn't get him out again I just went home. He stopped crying once the pram started moving and once home he had lots of cuddles. So it might not be as tragic as you think. It is hard not to feel a bit sorry for a crying baby that isn't being cuddled though.