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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for this baby after injections...

117 replies

HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:04

I hate to feel like a judgey parent but this really pulls at my heartstrings :(

Each time we've taken our DS for injections, there is generally the same group of parents/babies. Standard scenario with each baby - goes in happy, then you hear screams, comes out crying and then hang around the waiting area for a while to make sure of no reactions.

There is just one mum who, the three times we've been, has walked back in, after injections, with the baby in the pram rather than in her arms and this baby is SCREAMING. Obviously very, very upset as would be expected. But whilst everyone else comforts/cuddles their babies (who are usually only whimpering by this point), she just stands staring at her baby in the pram as if to say 'why are you crying??' and offers toys etc.

AIBU to really want to pick up this baby and comfort them? :(

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 07/12/2012 09:36

Yes YABU, perhaps the baby is a child who doesn't particularly like to be held when screaming, I know my ds wasn't. I put him in the pram, he had a cry and nodded off to sleep.

Save your sadness for children who actually need it.

ToffeeCaramel · 07/12/2012 09:36

YANBU to feel sad for the baby that the mum was unable, for whatever reason to cuddle it when it was screaming.

valiumredhead · 07/12/2012 09:37

"I do it right, and she does it wrong."

Yep, that ^

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 07/12/2012 09:37

"I do it right, and she does it wrong."

^^ that right there and if thats not judging then I'm the queen.

chrismissymoomoomee · 07/12/2012 09:39

Yes of course you should do something just because everyone else is doing it. It not like children are individuals or anything.

Fwiw DD1 HATED being cuddled after her injections and fought and it made her more upset, she just wanted to be on her own have a little tantrum and be hugged after a couple of hours, nice to know 'perfect parents' such as you were probaly sitting there with their judgy pants on though.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:40

So IABU for feeling sad when hearing a baby in distress, regardless of the reasons?

I accept that. I needed others opinions on it really. I guess it could be a baby that isn't 'helped' by being comforted, I hadn't looked at it that way as I've never come across it. So I'm glad to be told!

As I say, not judging mum. Was purely feeling sad for baby.

OP posts:
pictish · 07/12/2012 09:40

Is this your first baby OP?

I remember feeling a bit like you after my first baby. I was so overwhelmed by love and the need to nurture that anything less in my eyes was a crime against motherhood - so I DO relate to you.

However, after three, you wise up to the fact that other parents have different approaches to things, and it's fuck all to do with you.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 09:41

Ya still bu.

The fact that you feel sorry for the baby means you think something is lacking.

goldenlula · 07/12/2012 09:41

Maybe she felt getting the baby out as quick as possible was the best answer to the tears, maybe the baby calms quicker in a moving pram than in someone's arma, tbh I find it hard to give adequate cuddles in this scenario while trying to manoeuvre a pram. Ds1 would definitely have calmed quicker in his pram after a little cuddle of reassurance.

chrismissymoomoomee · 07/12/2012 09:43

But whilst everyone else comforts/cuddles their babies (who are usually only whimpering by this point), she just stands staring at her baby in the pram as if to say 'why are you crying??' and offers toys etc

^ This is judging the mum though.

Sirzy · 07/12/2012 09:43

Some babies hate being hugged when they are upset. Sometimes it can wind them up more.

If she knew the baby needed to sleep it makes more sense to get the baby settled in the pram and back home.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:43

Second, Pictish. And this baby has had a LOT of health issues so I think that perhaps clouds my judgment and makes me over emotional about distressed babies.

And as I say, genuinely hasn't come across babies who hate being comforted after injections etc so that's made me feel better about it all!

OP posts:
pictish · 07/12/2012 09:44

You did judge the mum OP - don't try to turn it around into you 'just' feeling sorry for the baby.

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:44

Chris missy - worded badly, I agree that DOES sound very judgey !! Sorry.

OP posts:
bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 09:45

And as I say, genuinely hasn't come across babies who hate being comforted after injections etc so that's made me feel better about it all!

Glad you feel better. Xmas Confused Perhaps you should think about this when you are clutching your pearls at other peoples choices.

ToffeeCaramel · 07/12/2012 09:45

Well to be fair it doesn't sound like staring at the baby and showing it toys was working that well. It wouldnt work for me either if I was upset.

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:46

As time goes on OP - you will become less sensitive to this sort of scenario. I think those of us that are scoffing at you, are probably more experienced mums.

moonstorm · 07/12/2012 09:46

YANBU I don't care if it's judgey. Fewer people should turn a blind eye to things. A lot of awful stuff goes on because people don't want to interfere. Maybe she has good reasons, but the baby doesn't know. Maybe she has had bad parenting herself - how will she ever know if noone shows her the way.

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 09:46

ofgs YABU I bet her baby settles fine in its pram perhaps she cuddled her baby for a second or 2 then has to go home, dont feel sad for her baby i am sure she knows what she is doing and why prolong the tears and sobbing a quick cuddle and then out the door is fine fussing over babies can make them 10 times worse sometimes,

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:48

Haha ok ok Brady. Surely everyone still has things to learn though ?? I can't help not already knowing that. As I say, over emotional due to DS's problems is probably a big factor here!

I know IABU just needed you all to tell me!!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 07/12/2012 09:49

moon ffs, fewer people should turn a blind eye to what? Are you seriously suggesting a baby is being abused because it was bring safely tucked up in it's own pram? WTAF? Confused

The OP is being a real sticky beak and should mind her own beeswax, the baby wasn't being beaten Hmm

Sirzy · 07/12/2012 09:50

Moon - what gives you the right to tell anyone how they should raise their child?

Original poster
HariboObsessed · 07/12/2012 09:50

Moonstorm - I think that's my point, I totally accept she probably has good reasons for it BUT the baby doesn't know that.

UNLESS, as people say, this is a baby who is made worse/isn't helped by comforting.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 09:51

The mum might have a disability and not able to pick up a thrashing screaming baby safely

this was me when my babies got their jabs I had to take them in their prams/buggies i just couldn't walk and carry them and i really couldn't do the standing shush shushing of a crying baby afterwards either, it was a there there in the surgery and then back, in the pram

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:51

No no - the OP is not being a stick beak - I think she is a new mum, and very caught up in all that entails. I've been there. I know what that's like.

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