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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask not very close friends if I can borrow their house

226 replies

agnesf · 07/12/2012 08:01

DP's brother and family want to come and stay over Xmas (they have to travel north and we are the logical stopping off point). We have major building work going on and half our house is out of action so it will be quite a squeeze (3 bedrooms/ 1 living room floor/ no operational shower - 10 people).

We have lived here for a couple of years and have made some friends but none that I would call particularly close. (We've been out for dinner a couple of times type friends).

Brother and family would probably be ok to stay in hotel (they did this before when we first moved) but I feel bad about that and know that if it had happened where I used to live I could have asked friends if I could borrow their houses for a night for family to sleep in if they were away over Xmas. Obviously we would provide bedding etc/ tidy up/ give them a present to sya thank you etc.

But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now as friends don't feel close enough. WIBU to ask - how would you feel if a not close friend asked you for such a favour

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 18:33

Did some posters really think the people asked to house op's guests were to be asked to move out specially??? Really???

CelstialNavigation · 07/12/2012 19:04

No, a few people thought the people asked to house the Op's guests would still be there to host them.

verytellytubby · 07/12/2012 19:08

I'm incredibly easy going but I wouldn't lend my house to complete strangers.

B&B? Hotel?

deleted203 · 07/12/2012 19:14

I couldn't think of anything worse, TBH. I wouldn't be keen on letting people I knew stay in my house when I was away, and certainly not complete strangers. I would also find it really weird to be asked. I can't imagine asking ANYONE I knew (even family) if friends of mine could use their house whilst they were away.

besmirchedandbewildered · 07/12/2012 19:29

I've lent my house to my friend at Christmas for their family overspill (as it were). The 2 major differences were:

  1. I offered, I wasn't asked, and I might think it a bit odd if I had been
  2. I knew the people staying there so I wasn't handing the keys to a bunch of strangers.

I don't think it's incredibly weird to lend your house to someone but it is weird to ask if you can borrow it, IMO. It's so personal.

NotGoodNotBad · 07/12/2012 19:32

No, would hate to be asked this by someone not family or a close friend. I also think that there'd have to be a better reason than "don't want to pay for a hotel for one night", such as "coming to see dying mother and all the hotels are booked up". Incidentally, I've done lots of house swaps with total strangers. But

  • I always clean the house top to bottom first, change beds etc. Would never do a house swap for one night only, far too much trouble
  • we get reciprocation (a house to stay in while we're away)
  • we email and/or phone the people we're swapping with, so by the time they get to our house it's not quite like being total strangers

I've had strangers (friends of a friend) stay in our house for a weekend, while we were there. But my friend is a an old friend, and we owed him a favour anyway.

bellarose2011 · 07/12/2012 21:25

I think the only reason op thinks this isn't out of order is because she wouldn't mind if it was the other way around. Some people just don't stress about stuff like this ( i would!)
My mum pretty relaxed and invites anyone to stay at hers.
She wouldn't mind if a close friend asked her either.
I think the problem is there not close friends, you would need to know someone very well to ask them this.

pigletmania · 07/12/2012 22:31

Well Agnesf you just dnt get it, it s rude and cheeky to ask people you dnt know well if you can borrow thir house to put up your reatives who they font know from Adam. If you cannot put them up yourself guide this year a miss, or tell them your situation and allow them to ma a decision not to come or get a hotel

lovebunny · 07/12/2012 22:38

unreasonable. cheeky! likely to cause offence.

maddening · 07/12/2012 22:41

What about self catering holiday lets?

Selks · 07/12/2012 23:48

Well I suggested that idea too, Maddening, and it was resolutely ignored by the OP.... Hmm

TheGrandPooBah · 08/12/2012 00:00

I would be ok about having close friends staying in my house, but not their relatives. So I would say no if asked.

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins · 08/12/2012 06:16

Why did your relatives ask you if they could stay? Do they realize that you have renovations going on, and it would be 3 bedrooms for ten people? Would you have enough extra rooms under normal circumstances?

Are they just passing through, and don't want to pay for a hotel?

Morloth · 08/12/2012 06:37

I would absolutely let good friends use our house if we were away, have done and also used another friend's in similar circumstances.

I wouldn't even mind if those good friends had some other family with them.

No chance in hell I would allow a not so close friend's family to stay at my house.

I would think that anyone that thinks this is appropriate is a bit odd and has issues with people's personal space/belongings.

StateofConfusion · 08/12/2012 13:13

Hang on I've just realised ill have 9 people in a bedroom house at christmas, and a huge dog. Its not really impossible. And dc3 is arriving on the 19th dec.

Me, dp dc3 share, ds and 1 guest child share, dd and 1 guest child share. 2 adults and a dog in living room. Done.

But then as we have family who come to stay we've a house prepared for it, dd has a trundle bed under hers, ds has a sofa in his room and a ready bed aswell. And we have a double sofa bed in our couch. If you've no space or beds people don't stay over, duh.

greenrabbits · 08/12/2012 13:27

I have friends who would offer their houses in this situ - but I think you have to wait for them to offer. It is unreasonable to ask.

strumpetpumpkin · 08/12/2012 13:32

no way at all. YABVU

FellatioNelson · 08/12/2012 13:47

Morloth spot on.

FellatioNelson · 08/12/2012 13:48

And to be honest, if your house is not huge, and your family members know you are in the middle of major building work it is a bit U of them to expect you to put them up anyway. If that were me I'd just book a Travelodge and be done with it. It's not on to make this kind of thing everyone else's problem.

Inertia · 08/12/2012 14:18

I'm astounded that you're even considering asking some not-very-close friends if some people that that they've never even met can stay in their house over Christmas! Honestly, don't even think about asking, or veiled hints, it's really likely to cause offence.

Just tell DP's family no, sorry, you've got building work on and the house is barely habitable, but you'll be happy to have them come to stay once it's over.

Let them book a Premier Inn, and arrange to meet up for a lovely meal out somewhere near where they're staying.

FellatioNelson · 08/12/2012 14:31

*TwoFacedCows I think you were being VERY U to not allow your own SDD to stay in your home. That is nothing like the OP's scenario at all. I take it you don't have children of your own, or I assume you would do the same to them as well? Hmm

Your DH should have put his foot down and told you where to take a running jump.

MerylStrop · 08/12/2012 14:35

Why is 10 people in 3 rooms so difficult for a brief visit?

1 set parents in one room, one in another, kids all in together, or eldest or youngest in with their parents.

No shower is more of a problem if its more than one night, but if that is the case it is easy to just say no, sorry the building work means we can't do it.

Why expect school gate acquaintances to go to the incovenience of putting up a guest they don't know (even in absentia), if you're not prepared to be incovenience for your own close family?

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 08/12/2012 19:55

I would hate for someone to ask, I'd say no and would be uncomfortable being put in that position in the first place. It's too much to ask someone to put themselves out at an already stressful time to save your inlaws the cost of a b&b or hotel. If money is an issue, they can choose to stay at home.

Pandemoniaa · 08/12/2012 20:59

We're very hospitable and like having people to stay. But I'd prefer them to be friends or at the very least, relatives of very good friends and especially so at Christmas when there's already enough to do without the potential awkwardness of acting as a B & B to complete strangers. No matter how nice.

Would your family be happy staying with strangers too, OP? Only recently, DP and I chose (politely) to turn down a similar offer (although this time it was a neighbour of very, very good friends). We did so because we thought it'd be more relaxing all round if we stayed in a hotel. We just didn't feel comfortable about taking over the house of someone we didn't know when there was never going to be a way of reciprocating. Let alone knowing the house rules first.

Halfawife · 08/12/2012 21:42

YABU. I wouldn't ask your not-so-close friends. Can you imagine how awkward and on the spot they will feel trying to say no? I would NOT want strangers in my house while I was away. Don't expect your friendship to blossom if you land that one on them!