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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask not very close friends if I can borrow their house

226 replies

agnesf · 07/12/2012 08:01

DP's brother and family want to come and stay over Xmas (they have to travel north and we are the logical stopping off point). We have major building work going on and half our house is out of action so it will be quite a squeeze (3 bedrooms/ 1 living room floor/ no operational shower - 10 people).

We have lived here for a couple of years and have made some friends but none that I would call particularly close. (We've been out for dinner a couple of times type friends).

Brother and family would probably be ok to stay in hotel (they did this before when we first moved) but I feel bad about that and know that if it had happened where I used to live I could have asked friends if I could borrow their houses for a night for family to sleep in if they were away over Xmas. Obviously we would provide bedding etc/ tidy up/ give them a present to sya thank you etc.

But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now as friends don't feel close enough. WIBU to ask - how would you feel if a not close friend asked you for such a favour

OP posts:
GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 14:24

Oooh, she was found snogging her brothers wife..... Xmas Wink

nipersvest · 07/12/2012 14:24

i doubt your friends would get a better night sleep at the thought of strangers staying in their home though

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 14:24

Oh jins - am now having visions of builders spending hours chortling over the contents of my underwear drawer. Still they are doing a good job of the building works. Grin

OP posts:
nipersvest · 07/12/2012 14:26

anyway, like i posted earlier, all this is irrelevant, firstly, you'd have to actually ask, and secondly, they'd have to say yes, which i very much doubt they will.

if i were you, i'd focus on other options as this one is just not a good idea.

DeWe · 07/12/2012 14:27

I think if you could ask generally eg on fb then it might be okay because no one person is feeling under pressure. If you were with a group you could say "If anyone could, could they speak to me afterwards". I think asking one on one could be really awkward.

However I'd go for the travel lodge/premier inn option.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 07/12/2012 14:28

No way Jose

On the other hand, I've let my friends stay here when I was away and even then there was a breakage which I didn't moan about at all but which was upsetting

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/12/2012 14:32

My lovely friend arranged for me and my 1 year old DD to stay at her friends house (who I didn't know) for 2 weeks when my kitchen was being done. It was an empty house though as the friends had moved out prior to completing the sale of the house. I had to provide my own air bed, travel cot and bedding, towels, deck chairs, pan etc. I was v grateful and got them a crate of champagne to say thanks and gave the house a thorough clean afterwards. I don't think I would do the same with my house if it was empty because I was on holiday rather than properly empty. I might for a friend but not for their family members.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 14:36

Nice friend Ghoul

OP posts:
wouldyoupleasemove · 07/12/2012 14:37

I asked my neighbour if my dad could stay. We were supposed to be moving but as you can see from my name, not currently. She is away over Christmas and delighted that my Dad is feeding cats/ house occupied etc but different folks/ different strokes

Jins · 07/12/2012 14:37

Builders don't tend to do a lot of rummaging in my experience.

MerryKissMyArse · 07/12/2012 14:38

I would no sooner ask this of my friends than fly to the moon. Just let them book a hotel if you can't put them up. I'd think you were a cheeky loon if you asked me.

TwoFacedCows · 07/12/2012 14:49

i would never allow it, and would not like to be put in the position of having to say no, and then eplain why!!

I hate having people in my house, obviosuyl apart from those who live there Xmas Grin

I actually said No to my stepdaughter coming to stay at ours for the olympics, and made her stay in a hotel instead! Xmas Shock
I also burst into tears and got very upset and angry at DH for letting out friends in the house when i was at work and the house was messy! Xmas Blush

TwoFacedCows · 07/12/2012 14:52

But then again i think i am just a little odd. Xmas Blush Xmas Grin

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 14:59

How do you know jin - if you don't do the hair on doors thing?Grin

OP posts:
Jins · 07/12/2012 15:00

I've never left builders alone in the house Grin

You don't need hairs on doors anyway, they leave a trail of dirt behind them

Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 15:01

You wouldn't let your step daughter stay, TwoFaced? Confused
Bet your dh loved that.

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 07/12/2012 15:06

In answer to your earlier question, the only people I allow to stay in my house when I'm not there are my parents. That's it, not even my best friend, as people have such different attitudes to cleanliness, safety and security. For example I know perfectly nice people whose idea of "spotlessly clean" is my idea if "shit pit". Also who are thoughtless about things like locking up or leaving appliances on.

TwoFacedCows · 07/12/2012 15:16

he didnt mind, she is a total pain in the arse, so he was not to fussed.

Orwellian · 07/12/2012 15:21

If you feel so badly about it why don't you offer to pay for a hotel rather than expecting friends that you don't know very well to give up their house to your family so you can be assuaged of your guilt?

Chandon · 07/12/2012 15:24

Sorry but I woud not feel comfortable with this.

Idea of people I do not know having sex in my bed, going through my stuff and saying how rubbish it is, using my face creams and chucking my wedgwood willy nilly in the disjwasher,

Sitting bare butted on my sofa, laughing at my pictures, spilling wine, using up all my fancy coffee, leaving the back door open, putting the heating on high, calling their friends in Australia from my landline....breathe

The horror, the horror

Mind you, if a good friend asked I would say o.k. But secretly fret

(weirdo emoticon)

DowagersHump · 07/12/2012 16:27

I am quite cool about other people using my house - I usually offer it to friends when we go away (we live by the sea). But I would be really weirded out if a not very close friends asked me if relatives I'd never met could stay here. And probably a bit pissed off too and would say no

MrsBucketxx · 07/12/2012 17:28

chandon i feel the same.

KitchenandJumble · 07/12/2012 17:52

YABU. As you may have gathered. Xmas Wink

I wouldn't be offended if anyone asked me to house their guests. But I would most certainly say no. I would be very uncomfortable about having strangers in my house. But then, I don't like staying at other people's houses myself. I would much prefer a hotel or B&B. Maybe your relatives would feel the same?

Why is it such an inconvenience for your guests to stay 3 or 4 miles away? That's not far at all.

scarletforya · 07/12/2012 17:57

Can I ask all those who are absolutely dead against it, what do you think of the people who aren't?

Kendodd I would think someone who asked this was socially inept or had some sort of boundary problem. I would think they were tight and a freeloader.

Out of interest - would any of you ever ask any friend to do this?

agnesf No, never, ever EVER I would be mortified to ask anyone such a thing.

OP, where do you think the home owners would go while these strangers were using their house? Hotel? Who would be paying?

dexter73 · 07/12/2012 18:31

I think she was only going to ask people who were going to be away for Christmas so would have an empty house, not people who were staying home for Christmas.