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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask not very close friends if I can borrow their house

226 replies

agnesf · 07/12/2012 08:01

DP's brother and family want to come and stay over Xmas (they have to travel north and we are the logical stopping off point). We have major building work going on and half our house is out of action so it will be quite a squeeze (3 bedrooms/ 1 living room floor/ no operational shower - 10 people).

We have lived here for a couple of years and have made some friends but none that I would call particularly close. (We've been out for dinner a couple of times type friends).

Brother and family would probably be ok to stay in hotel (they did this before when we first moved) but I feel bad about that and know that if it had happened where I used to live I could have asked friends if I could borrow their houses for a night for family to sleep in if they were away over Xmas. Obviously we would provide bedding etc/ tidy up/ give them a present to sya thank you etc.

But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now as friends don't feel close enough. WIBU to ask - how would you feel if a not close friend asked you for such a favour

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 07/12/2012 09:02

I would say yes. It's only a house.

YANBU to ask. They WNBU to say no though.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh · 07/12/2012 09:05

I'd feel uncomfortable about being asked if I were one of your new friends and would be resentful that I have to be put in the position of saying no. Because there is no way I'd agree to let people I'd never met who were relatives of people I barely knew stay in my house whilst I'm away.

But anyway we also have a "more people than beds" scenario at Christmas so we've just booked some rooms in the Premier Inn that is a walkable distance from us. It hasn't been that expensive actually so you may be pleasantly surprised.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 09:08

When I said veiled hints I guess I meant explaining the situation and asking if anyone knew of a local B&B in the hope that a nice person would say how about using my place.

The issue about the hotel - well it would be quite expensive for all of them to stay in a hotel - they'd need 2 rooms at least so I reckon about £160 to £200.

I guess I feel it seems a bit inhospitable to them. Plus it probably wouldn't be very close to us. I think I feel a bit frustrated that a) they have asked even though they knew we were having building work done & b) that it would have been so much easier where we used to live.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/12/2012 09:10

YABU for for asking I think.

Imagine, someone you have been out to dinner with asks for the use of your house for family to stay in.......I would think you were mad personally.

You CANNOT ask, hotel or don't come.

Whoknowswhocares · 07/12/2012 09:10

If I were asked to hand over my house to people I had never met by someone who was not a close friend I would be furious unless it was an emergency.

Either bunk up at yours and accept the cramped conditions or let brother have a hotel. Unless of course you want to scupper the chances of a potentially good friendship ruined by overstepping the mark and getting labelled a rude freeloader/user

wewereherefirst · 07/12/2012 09:10

Premier inn isn't expensive. Id be really miffed if a non close friend asked for their family to stay in my house over Christmas.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 09:12

I agree we could go down the adults only in the hotel - maybe would be nice for them to have a night away from their kids. My main reservation is just the distance as we live in a smallish place and nearest places to stay are 3 or 4 miles away.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/12/2012 09:13

I would say yes. It's only a house

See the way I see it, would you lend a stranger a £300k porsche for them to go for a spin??

It may only be a house, but it will be the most expensive thing you ever own, something you work your arse of for, why would you want someone you dont know staying in it!

Sausagedog27 · 07/12/2012 09:14

I don't understand why you can't just say no to your brother and let him sort it out- why is this your problem? You have a good enough reason to say no. I don't get why you'd rather put upon people you don't really know that well?

Sorry to sound harsh! I'd be annoyed if someone asked me- especially at this short notice and over Christmas.

sparkle12mar08 · 07/12/2012 09:15

Why on earth haven't you sorted this out already?! You have guests coming to stay in two weeks time at one the the peak times of the year and yet haven't sorted out accomodation. Are you nuts?! You cannot seriously be thinking about asking 'not close' friends to house your relatives for free at less than two weeks notice at Christmas, surely? You actually think that is an okay thing to do? Grow a backbone and tell your relatives that they are welcome to visit during the day and to eat with you, but you cannot possibly house them due to the building work. Give them a list of local hotels and b&b's and get them to sort it out themselves, it's not your problem.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 09:15

Nearest Premier Inn to us is 10 miles away.

OP posts:
Sausagedog27 · 07/12/2012 09:15

Ps the expense of a hotel isn't really your concern at the end of the day.

Jins · 07/12/2012 09:15

What's the insurance situation with lending your house to people you don't know?

I wouldn't do it OP and I don't know anyone who would. Hotel or bunk up at yours.

hermioneweasley · 07/12/2012 09:17

Aargh no, and you are putting them in a really awkward position.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 09:17

They only asked yesterday. Yes I could say no but we had a bit of a situation last Xmas due to lots of circumstances out of everyone's control and I'm trying not to appear inhospitable.

OP posts:
WynkenBlynkenandNod · 07/12/2012 09:19

Whilst I'm not adverse to doing a holiday house exchange I'd be really annoyed if someone asked me this. It's one thing having people in on your terms but what you are suggesting is another level. Inevitably it would create extra work for them to sort the house out, YABU.

Sausagedog27 · 07/12/2012 09:19

Regardless of the situation, it's not your problem op, really it isn't. You gave a very valid reason and if they don't understand that, it's says more about them than you.

StanleyLambchop · 07/12/2012 09:20

When I said veiled hints I guess I meant explaining the situation and asking if anyone knew of a local B&B in the hope that a nice person would say how about using my place.

If you put it like that to me, I would simply take it at face value and think you actually were asking for B& B recommendations. I would utterly not realise that it was my cue to offer up my home to complete strangers. I would not offer anyway, complete stranger relatives of someone I vaguely know???

Are you expected to pay for the hotel if you can't put them up, or will they be paying their own way? I would be a bit annoyed if I had to finance a relatives travel plans in that way.

Whoknowswhocares · 07/12/2012 09:21

You don't have to say no. Outline the 2 options..... Cramped stay at yours or hotel. You aren't being inhospitable, just honest

WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 09:22

God no, I'd hate someone to ask me if complete strangers to me could stay in my house.

Tell them you have major building work and if they want to stay, they'll have to squash in.

It's only one night.

Pootles2010 · 07/12/2012 09:23

Absolutely no, do not ask! I would feel really uncomfortable and then never talk to you again as I'd think you were very odd. Its a crazy thing to ask of anyone, especially at this time of year.

I wouldn't even ask my best friend to do this, although I would offer if i knew she had this issue, iyswim. But no, never ask. Even veiled hints will be wierd, as you'll have to arrange to meet them as you hardly ever see them!

starfishmummy · 07/12/2012 09:24

Yabu. I wouldn't want random strangers staying in my house.
If I was the "guest" I would not want to stay in the home of a stranger.
I would not, in my wildest dreams, even think about asking anyone to put people up for me.

Tell them that you would love to see them but you have nowhere for them to sleep - and pass on details of hotels/b&bs.

MrsHoarder · 07/12/2012 09:24

You could have said no to them. Or invite yourself top their house as you're having building work done. Or you could stop in the hotel whilst they have your house.

VoiceofUnreason · 07/12/2012 09:25

They WANT to stay with you. Assume this means you didn't actually INVITE them yourself?

Unfortunately your house is undergoing major building work. This means you don't have the room. This therefore means that much as you might like to, you simply aren't in a position to be able to put them up. So you tell them that and if they still need to stop off, they have to find a B&B or hotel.

Pootles2010 · 07/12/2012 09:27

Agree with starfish - I also wouldn't want to stay in a strangers house! Would much rather pay for hotel.