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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask not very close friends if I can borrow their house

226 replies

agnesf · 07/12/2012 08:01

DP's brother and family want to come and stay over Xmas (they have to travel north and we are the logical stopping off point). We have major building work going on and half our house is out of action so it will be quite a squeeze (3 bedrooms/ 1 living room floor/ no operational shower - 10 people).

We have lived here for a couple of years and have made some friends but none that I would call particularly close. (We've been out for dinner a couple of times type friends).

Brother and family would probably be ok to stay in hotel (they did this before when we first moved) but I feel bad about that and know that if it had happened where I used to live I could have asked friends if I could borrow their houses for a night for family to sleep in if they were away over Xmas. Obviously we would provide bedding etc/ tidy up/ give them a present to sya thank you etc.

But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now as friends don't feel close enough. WIBU to ask - how would you feel if a not close friend asked you for such a favour

OP posts:
EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 07/12/2012 13:30

I would neither be comfortable staying in a stranger's house like that nor would I be happy to give my house over to strangers in a non-emergency situation like this one. if you were to ask me or 'drop hints', I would find you bogglingly over-familiar and not be keen to make the friendship any closer.

I might only consider it if it were a close, trusted friend asking and the situation was pressing.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 13:36

Gah - was going off to do something else and am now hooked! I don't mind the all squashed in one house option but thought BIL family might prefer more space - it is a bit of a pain that its last minute etc but I honestly didn't think it would cause anyone any extra work other than me. However I can now see that I wasn't thinking it through properly.

Out of interest - would any of you ever ask any friend to do this? How close is close? These not close friends are not strangers.

OP posts:
Jins · 07/12/2012 13:39

agnesf you know your family wouldn't have a rootle through a house but I can assure you that I don't believe it.

Even a bathroom cabinet would be a rootle too far for me if I was away from home.

They could rootle away if I was there but then I'd have met them and judged them inwardly decided what risk they posed. The answer would still be no for insurance purposes but I like doing hypothetical

Jins · 07/12/2012 13:41

No I'd never ask a friend if I could put up my relatives of varying ages in their house while they were away.

Never

Not in a million years

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 13:41

I would not even ask my best friend!

But, when I was stuck in London for a place to stay, my best friend (who lives in Kent) rang her parents and asked if they could put me up. I know them, and they know me, so that was all fine. But in the end another friend of mine leaving more centrally in London, and near where I was going, offered.

But this was my friends offering a place for ME to crash (prior to moving back to London)

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/12/2012 13:44

Well , family will be coming through me similar to your situation, involving more family members than I have beds for. My first thought was to shop online for sleeping bags, not whose house I could spread out to.

I haven't asked, not even good friends who will be absent at the time.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 07/12/2012 13:47

I would be Shock at someone I know casually asking me such a thing.

If it were my friends whom I see regularly, I should still be Shock to be asked, but I'd be happy to help, assuming my house was in a state I didn't mind people seeing it in. (If we're going away for a trip, though, it's often left in a disarray as we've had to tear the place apart for missing passports or Euros or whatever.)

I would also prefer that the people staying in my house would be my friends, iyswim. I don't want a family full of random children I don't know (so I don't know how they behave around some items, obviously if my friends were the ones staying then I'd know if I needed to move items out of reach etc) and adults who might not feel accountable for how things are left. I know my friends, I don't know their random family. So, put your extended family in your own house and you stay at mine, fine.

But again, that's really just my good friends. I'm not sure meeting at the school gates and tutting over the weather really is good enough. :(

Jins · 07/12/2012 13:52

You could always ask your not very close friends if they had any airbeds or campbeds you could borrow as your family are coming to stay

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 13:53

Jin my bathroom cabinet holds nothing other than products from Tesco and bath salts won at various tombolas. It would be very disppointing

OP posts:
Jins · 07/12/2012 13:54

So does mine but I don't want randoms going through it if I'm honest

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 07/12/2012 13:56

I wouldn't even ask a very close friend

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 07/12/2012 13:57
theoriginalandbestrookie · 07/12/2012 13:58

I'm a reasonably hospitable person but I wouldn't be greatly pleased if someone asked me.

This is because we have done house swaps before and its quite a pain getting the house up to a standard where you would be happy for visitors to come and stay - not that our house is that dreadful normally but it is lived in.

I guess you could hint - the line about asking for camp beds is nice, and take someone up if they offered, but even if you did I would recommend offering to bring your own bedding and put their clean stuff on for them coming back and spending a few hours making the house look tidier than it was before the visitors.

So nah wouldn't recommend it. I can't see what is inhospitable about the truth. I would spend your time researching local B&Bs/hotels to see if you can find them something cheap but make sure its clear that you aren't paying for it ( in a nice way of course)

diddiehunter · 07/12/2012 14:00

oh my days!!!! what! if someone asked me id be so damn offended! my home my castle and random strangers...no a chance! can you imagine the stuff you would have to move out the house!? paperwork,ID,passports.( bedroom artifacts...ahem.) my photographs,computers,laptops,cash, not to mention the use of my utilities. we have no heating on at night as it is.
wow! im very sorry but as one poster has said,you are putting ur private family issue onto a family of innocents. id have a hard time saying no to you as i wouldnt want to appear a bitch but id be friggin fuming!!

if your family cant see the inconveinience of their stay or get pissy at having to be cramped...tell them to bring a damn tent and a heater!! Angry Grin

Janeatthebarre · 07/12/2012 14:00

No way would I ask casual friends to do something like that for me. And if a casual friend asked me I would think they were being very very cheeky.
Apart from anything else, think of the trouble you would be putting them to. They would feel they had to tidy up the whole house and change all the bed clothes and put away anything private, all to accommodate a bunch of strangers who they hadn't even invited to stay.
No, just No!

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 14:01

Maybe having several weeks worth of builders/ plumbers/ electricians working in the house has desensitised me to the concept of personal space. (reminds self to put tell tale hairs on bathroom cupboard doors and to check when get home from work to see if builders have been having a rummage)

OP posts:
Acandlelitshadow · 07/12/2012 14:03

I'm totally intrigued closely followed by Shock then Grin anyone might actually have the chutzpah to ask and no, I wouldn't have the brass faced cheek nerve to do it myself.

Direct them to the nearest B&B.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 14:03

Would you still trust your plumbers/builders/electricians to do the job over several weeks, starting a week after you left the house and completing the job a week before you returned?

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 14:04

What is the real reason you dont want to host the family yourself?

Jins · 07/12/2012 14:07

I doubt it's the several weeks of builders that has desensitised you as you said it wouldn't have been a problem where you used to live. Are you sure? There's a huge majority on here that wouldn't be happy with it.

I don't put hairs on bathroom cabinets by the way. I don't need to as I don't lend my house to strangers.

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 14:12

Just joking Jins. I wasn't meaning to imply that you'd do the hairs thing.

More that it hadn't ever occured to me that anyone would look in other people's drawers etc. I've had to hand over the house to the builders so have had to just assume that they wouldn't look at stuff.

OP posts:
nipersvest · 07/12/2012 14:16

agnes - in answer to your question, no, i wouldn't even ask my closest friends to do this. in all honesty it is odd that you seem so comfortable with this option and yet so uncomfortable at the idea of them staying with you.

unless this is a wind up. bil and wife are called mary and joseph, mr & mrs inkeeper's house they could stay in is really a stable.

Jins · 07/12/2012 14:20

There are bound to be hairs all over my bathroom cabinet to be honest

Loads of people look at stuff. You can't tell who will do it and who won't. One of my friends is constantly opening drawers and cupboards but I know her well enough to slap her hands Grin

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 14:20

No its not a wind up. I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of them staying with us & don't know why people are implying this. Just thought everyone would get a better nights sleep in seperate rooms rather than all squashed in with each other.

OP posts:
dexter73 · 07/12/2012 14:23

Quint - I think op doesn't want family to stay because of What Happened Last Christmas That Must Not Be Mentioned!!Xmas Wink