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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask not very close friends if I can borrow their house

226 replies

agnesf · 07/12/2012 08:01

DP's brother and family want to come and stay over Xmas (they have to travel north and we are the logical stopping off point). We have major building work going on and half our house is out of action so it will be quite a squeeze (3 bedrooms/ 1 living room floor/ no operational shower - 10 people).

We have lived here for a couple of years and have made some friends but none that I would call particularly close. (We've been out for dinner a couple of times type friends).

Brother and family would probably be ok to stay in hotel (they did this before when we first moved) but I feel bad about that and know that if it had happened where I used to live I could have asked friends if I could borrow their houses for a night for family to sleep in if they were away over Xmas. Obviously we would provide bedding etc/ tidy up/ give them a present to sya thank you etc.

But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now as friends don't feel close enough. WIBU to ask - how would you feel if a not close friend asked you for such a favour

OP posts:
bowerbird · 07/12/2012 10:07

Well I may be a little strange, but I always like someone to stay in my house when I'm away. I've had burglaries in the past, so feel far more secure if I know there are people around and my place isn't empty for a while. Christmas is prime time for break-ins and it gives me peace of mind. As long as they are nice responsible people I really don't see the problem. I live in London, and am embarrassed at how much hotels and B&B's (even dumps!) charge.

Last time I did this I came back to a sparkling clean home, fresh milk in the fridge and a very nice bottle of wine and fresh flowers on the counter with a thank you note.

MadBanners · 07/12/2012 10:07

If I go away I go away leaving the house spotless, so I can come back to it like that. Even as a child I hated anyone having been in my room when I was not there.

And Kendodd, yes, it is almost Christmas, does not mean that if I am away I should happily hand over the keys to my house for strangers. This is not a case of mistrusting strangers, it is a case of not wanting to hand over the most expensive thing you will ever own, with all your stuff in it, to people you have never met before in your life. That is not mistrusting, that is just damn good sense.

If I was asked this by a not quite a friend, they would soon become less.

23balloons · 07/12/2012 10:10

Totally unreasonable. I wouldn't ask, tbh I think your BIL is also unreasonable to expect to stay with you. i definitely wouldn't ask, you will be putting your friends in a really awkward position and I doubt anyone in their right mind would agree to it.

blisterpack · 07/12/2012 10:11

"Reading this thread has really saddened me. It's almost Christmas and so many people are horrified at the idea of providing a room (that they won't even be needing) for one night to help out a family."

My goodness, how overly dramatic. They don't have to sleep on the streets or a stable somewhere for being turned away! They'd have to go to a hotel or cramp up with their hosts like everyone else does.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 07/12/2012 10:12

I would consider asking around and say: is there anyone looking for a house sitter while they're away?

I too would love to have this because we're abroad at christmas and I worry about the house and the cat. SO I would be more open to this than others who have replied.

BUT I agree with the other posters who said that cleaning up, leaving wine and a house gift, could be a hassel that may be easier to avoid. I assume you could rely on your rellies to do this as well - if there is any question about whether they'd be fastidious about this then FORGET IT. Don't even go there, because the last thing you'd want is neighbours gossiping about how horrible they were. Or you'd be doing it.

MadBanners · 07/12/2012 10:13

Oh, and when I lived in a Student Flat, myself and the other girl went home for the holidays, and the bloke we shared with asked if his friends could use our bedrooms, I said no, as above, I hate the very idea, well, I came back after 2 weeks at home, happily got into my bed, and found an inch long thumbnail under my pillow! Lying dirty buggers! I had not washed my bedding before I went, and they had most certainly not washed it after they had used it.

They did it again a few months later when i went home, as they tried to make it look like I had left it, and cover up the fact, but I knew things had been moved.

errrr · 07/12/2012 10:13

I'm a long time lurker and I registered because someone put me in a very similar position of having to refuse and hadn't spoken to me since (not saying that you would do this OP).

I think YABU, mostly because your reason for asking is that you don't want to seem inhospitable. Thing is, even if your friend agreed, you still wouldn't be any more hospitable than if they stayed in a b&b - it would be your friends hospitality your visitor would benefit from.

Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 10:16

The idea of people you don't actually know being in your home isn't so strange, actually, how do you think professional house sitters make a living?

Viviennemary · 07/12/2012 10:17

No I don't think you should ask. It puts people in a dreadfully difficult situation. I wouldn't let strangers stay in my house if I wasn't there. It's unthinkable. And if something went wrong I don't think insurance would cover it.

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts · 07/12/2012 10:17

It wouldn't occur to me that someone I didn't know too well asking if I knew of any B&B's was actually hinting at using my house. I honestly wouldn't make the connectionConfused.

You'd have to ask me outright and tbh it'd be a no especially as it's over Christmas. The last thing I want on Christmas morning is a stranger(s) in my house.

grovel · 07/12/2012 10:17

Are there insurance implications?

ZebraInHiding · 07/12/2012 10:19

I can't ever imagine asking close friends, let alone acquaintances, to host my family.

They can come and squeeze or nor come.

Boggler · 07/12/2012 10:19

I'd be very surprised to get a request to use my house from a

Jins · 07/12/2012 10:21

I do actually have two acquaintances that wouldn't think twice about asking and would pile on the pressure for me to do what they asked.

They have been an invaluable part of my assertiveness training.

bowerbird · 07/12/2012 10:21

LadyHarriet's suggestion of asking if anyone is looking for a housesitter is a good one. And agree that if your rellies cannot be relied upon to be completely great about taking care of someone else's home then it must be a hotel.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 10:25

Can I ask all those who are absolutely dead against it, what do you think of the people who aren't? Do you think we're mad Grin

Also if it was some sort of emergency, would you be willing to take people in then? Or is it an absolutely no way under any circumstances ever.

Partly the reason I ask is because I've house swapped before and it's been fantastic, better than renting a place. I have also put up people I don't know for free and have never had any sort of a problem. I have also had strangers go out of their way to help me in the past and have taken me in with no thought of payment (in any way).

I really believe (perhaps naively) that most people in the world are really nice, kind and helpful. Although I can completely understand that it can be very inconvenient hosting people, even family.

Just re-read the last paragraph and I do sound a bit of a nutter.

dexter73 · 07/12/2012 10:27

I think it is totally up to you. If you are comfortable with it then I have no problem with that and wouldn't thik you were mad. I am very nice, kind and helpful too but I just wouldn't want strangers staying in my house. I would be worried that they might be nosy and look through my things or would break something accidentally and then it would be awkward to ask for a replacement if it was expensive. It just wouldn't be worth the hassle to me.

ZebraInHiding · 07/12/2012 10:28

Ken, everyone is different. O don't mind what other people do and, if it fit in.with my plans, I would happily host a friends family. I just would ask for mine as I don't like imposing on people.

bowerbird · 07/12/2012 10:30

Ken you sound great. Not a nutter at all.

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts · 07/12/2012 10:32

I think the additional and most compelling factor here is that it's over Christmas.

People like to spend time with family or doing their own thing over Christmas as a rule; it would be such an intrusion. Even if I was so inclined (which I wouldn't be tbh) the Christmas factor would swing it to no for sure.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 10:32

Yes, I would never ask either.

I recently had the family of a loose friend to stay with us for one night. The family didn't have much money, would not have been able to afford a hotel and it was so that they could attend a christening. They were really lovely. We did offer though, the friend didn't ask.

MerylStrop · 07/12/2012 10:32

I've often had friend's relatives stay at our home whilst we were away BUT we have always met the relatives before.

FWIW For a night, or two at a push, surely you can cope with the squash?

Jins · 07/12/2012 10:33

I don't think you're mad Kendodd. I'd be very relieved that you'd stepped up so I wasn't asked Grin

If I was at home I'd let people stay. I'm not comfortable with having strangers in my house when I'm away. House sitters are different as you've interviewed and 'employed' them!

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 10:33

I have to admit, even I would be reluctant to say yes at Christmas.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 10:36

Somebody at DH's work was absolutely appalled with us that we would have somebody we didn't know to stay, when round looking like this Shock all day!