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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask not very close friends if I can borrow their house

226 replies

agnesf · 07/12/2012 08:01

DP's brother and family want to come and stay over Xmas (they have to travel north and we are the logical stopping off point). We have major building work going on and half our house is out of action so it will be quite a squeeze (3 bedrooms/ 1 living room floor/ no operational shower - 10 people).

We have lived here for a couple of years and have made some friends but none that I would call particularly close. (We've been out for dinner a couple of times type friends).

Brother and family would probably be ok to stay in hotel (they did this before when we first moved) but I feel bad about that and know that if it had happened where I used to live I could have asked friends if I could borrow their houses for a night for family to sleep in if they were away over Xmas. Obviously we would provide bedding etc/ tidy up/ give them a present to sya thank you etc.

But I'm not sure if it would be appropriate now as friends don't feel close enough. WIBU to ask - how would you feel if a not close friend asked you for such a favour

OP posts:
Jins · 07/12/2012 09:29

If I was at home I'd be OK letting you stay while your family were in your house. If I was away then nobody would be using the house. I'd be a nervous wreck!

Original poster
agnesf · 07/12/2012 09:29

I'm beginning to think I'm weird Xmas Smile. Maybe I've got a different view of friends closeness. They aren't poeple I hardly ever see - I see them most days at school pick up/ book group etc. Its just that general life busyness means we don't hang out at each others for coffee. If one of them presented me with this dilemma I would certainly offer as indeed I did when some of them were between houses and needed a few days to stay somewhere.

Ah well - at least I know now.

OP posts:
PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 07/12/2012 09:31

I would be really pissed off if a loose friend asked this and put me in the position of having to say no. Sometimes you just have to accept doing something isn't practical. Just tell the family that you'll host them in the day but they need to find somewhere to sleep. They'd have to be really unreasonable to be put out given the state of your house.

I actually have some experience of this as our new next door neighbours mentioned last year how the previous owner allowed their family to stay in his spare rooms at Christmas. It was a done in such a way as to be a thinly veiled hint and I was appalled to be made to feel that I should open my house to strangers if I'm ever not there. As it happens we now have two dogs and never leave, thus shattering their dream of turning it into their own private hotel.

juneau · 07/12/2012 09:36

YABVU. Do you honestly expect someone you don't know very well to lend you their home????? You sound very relaxed about this kind of thing, but I can assure you that most people would be horrified by the idea.

Please don't ask or drop heavy hints - people will think you're weird and very presumptious. Either put them up yourself (it's only one night), or suggest a range of accommodation options nearby and let them sort it out. They know you're having building works done, so I'm sure they not expecting to stay with you.

manicinsomniac · 07/12/2012 09:37

Bettyswollocks - no, I wouldn't lend the car because they might crash it! It's very unlilely that anything would happen to a house.

Mind you, I don't own my house and I never have owned one. maybe I'd feel differently if I did.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 09:38

I'd say yes, and be happy to help.

Although I would be a bit Shock that you had the cheek to ask. I'd never ask anyone but then I know most people are more precious about their stuff than me, plus I have quite a large house so they could sleep in the spare bedrooms and not in ours.

If it is over Christmas itself it might be quite difficult finding a hotel that's not mega £££

Softlysoftly · 07/12/2012 09:39

You know how you are annoyed by your relatives asking and putting you in this position? By asking someone else you are just passing on your annoyance!

Saying that in your last post you said you put up these loose friends when they needed temporary accommodation? If that's the case it puts a different spin on it as they owe you one so you would be within your rights to ask for the same favour back.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 09:40

"YABVU. Do you honestly expect someone you don't know very well to lend you their home????? You sound very relaxed about this kind of thing, but I can assure you that most people would be horrified by the idea."

I wouldn't mind, I'd say yes.

SilverBaubles33 · 07/12/2012 09:40

Total nightmare! I am away for Christmas and someone I don't really know has family coming from Oz. She has dropped a few hints, (all those empty rooms, poor dog in kennels, ha ha her Bil family could stay there, eh?)

I have been totally avoiding her because I think 1. Why have you not already sorted this out? 2. Hotel? 3. Tight much? 4. Could you ask me anything more inconvenient the week I'm trying to get myself sorted plus all the other shit lovely last minute seasonal bits I have to do.

Please don't make anyone this uncomfortable! If someone hasn't offered, make your own arrangements. It will be much more stress for them, however much you offer to do beds etc,.

Not very in the seasonal spirit, but NOOOOO!!

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 09:43

try this

Labootin · 07/12/2012 09:43

One of dh's work acquaintances asked in all seriousness if he could borrow our house whilst we are away for Christmas as ours has a nicer pool and our housekeeper is a better cook than his wife !

Housekeeper is having a well deserved holiday and he's so dense he couldn't understand why she wouldn't be delighted to have a total stranger to look after free gratis Hmm

Jins · 07/12/2012 09:45

Kendodd it's not the stuff I'd be precious about, most of it's junk anyway :)

It's the potential for someone to get hold of passports, financial details etc that would have me feeling seriously uncomfortable. Yes I know it's unlikely but I'd be unhappy about it

valiumredhead · 07/12/2012 09:46

No, just no unless they offer. I wouldn't have people I don't know in my house even if they were friend's family.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 09:47

Reading this thread has really saddened me. It's almost Christmas and so many people are horrified at the idea of providing a room (that they won't even be needing) for one night to help out a family.

Why are people all so mistrusting of each other?

Astelia · 07/12/2012 09:51

So the teens chuck a ball around and break some crystal or china. A drink of coke gets spilled on the carpet, biscuit and chocolate gets ground into the sofas. A toilet gets blocked as people put too much paper in it and grubby fingermarks appear on light switches and walls.

Nothing major but just the usual run of the mill stuff that happens with a family- how can you even think of asking another family to borrow their house? It would mean a huge amount of work for the hosts and a huge amount of worry.

If expensive jewellery went missing what then? Would you reimburse them? A bath is left to overflow and a ceiling comes down- would you pay for that?

YABtotallyU. Don't embarrass anyone by mentioning it, they'll think you have a screw loose. They will think if the above even if you don't.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 09:51

"It's the potential for someone to get hold of passports, financial details etc that would have me feeling seriously uncomfortable. Yes I know it's unlikely but I'd be unhappy about it"

That's a very good point and one, of course, that I was aware of. But, you can just take this stuff with you, plus, a lot of break-ins happen at Christmas, if you have somebody staying in your house that would make a break-in less likely.

pigletmania · 07/12/2012 09:51

Yabu just because you ok with does not mean other eople are. You are cheeky asking people who you don know very well, expect a no. Wats wrong with a hotel or bnb

Jins · 07/12/2012 09:53

I'd be happier to put up OP and I'd be 100% willing to lend my caravan.

Haven't got a stable and manger or I'd lend that Grin

But the amount of clearing up and washing I'd have to do to get my house fit for a stranger to use would seriously impact on my enjoyment of the season.

Astelia · 07/12/2012 09:57

I'd rather bung the OP 200 quid than have them use my house. Perhaps she should have a whip round of the neighbours Grin.

Kendodd · 07/12/2012 09:59

When exactly is it OP and where do you live? If I can put them up I will.

I can't put them up over Christmas itself because I have lots of people staying then but if it's just before then I can. I have a large spare bedroom with an en-suite. We will all still be living in the house as well though so they won't have the house to themselves.

Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 10:00

I have done this (let friends house their overspill guests in our house while we were away) but they were very good friends.
If you feel you don't know them well enough to ask, you're probably right.

Nancy66 · 07/12/2012 10:03

NO! Totally inappropriate and will make your neighbours feel very uncomfortable.

jumpingjackhash · 07/12/2012 10:04

YABU.

It's not 'just a house' it's someone's home. I would be really shocked if a vague acquaintance asked if their visitors could stay in our house/home like this. I would feel very uncomfortable and make an effort to avoid them and their crazy 'favours' in future.

It's not just a case of someone sleeping there with their own (OP's own) bedding - it's all the rest of it too.

ChasedByBees · 07/12/2012 10:06

I'm in the camp of thinking If I was asked this, I would find it really weird and presumptuous.

You also couldn't take all your financial stuff and important ID with you - god if I had to remove all things of value and ID, I'd be virtually moving out so that someone I don't know could stay there one night. And someone I don't know sleeping in my bed? Ick.

I'd hate it if I were the brother too - I stayed in a guest house that was effectively someone's spare room once. Hated it.

blisterpack · 07/12/2012 10:06

I think YABU to even ask, if they are such casual friends. They might think you're out of your mind Grin. I wouldn't dream of asking "not very good friends" something like this, they'd have to be "such good friends that they're like family".

I wouldn't want strangers staying in my home, sleeping on our beds etc. Only exception would be if it was a real emergency, and Christmas visits don't count as that.