To have sent DH and 2 day old DD to the hospital....alone!

[Mummyof3tobe]

At our hospital if you have same day discharge after birth you go back 2 days later for basic baby check up. Fair enough in terms of efficient use of NHS resources. But as mum of a 2 day old with stitches, sore and milk coming in I didn't relish the outing.

Then it occurred to me this is BABY check up. They don't need see me. DH can take her. Hospital is 5 mins away, I fed her before they left, worst case of a severe delay DH would have to abandon it and bring her home.

When he arrived midwives kept asking if they should "wait for mum" and in the end called me (interrupting valuable rest time) to confirm they could go ahead and do hearing test on DD. Needed my consent!

Now I understand policy, can't be too careful, just doing job. But if random man had abducted a newborn, complete with red book, would he take her to baby check at hospital??? AIBU to be a little outraged on very capable DHs behalf?

I would say it is probably a bit unusual and they were just checking to make sure you were ok. Sounds reasonable enough for them to call really.

I think it is a mum and baby check-up really. They're probably obliged to check you're ok.

I would have been pissed off.

One, for them doubting DH - who would have full PR and know exactly what was what!

Two, for ringing you when you were trying to get a rest. I would have stabbed anyone who interrupted my rest time at that point postpartum.

Travelin - really? I bonded really well with both my babies but I have always been happy to let them out of my sight for a little while if they were with DH.

I think it's fairly unusual , hence the response. It's not 'just' about the baby, it's about your physical and emotional well being as well.

They may also have wanted to ask about feeding etc if you are bf.

They probably use it as an excuse to check that mum is ok to.

Actually before the birth has been registered does the father legally have parental responsibilty?

Sounds like you did it a sensible way but I can understand why they phoned to check

I agree with previous posters. I couldn't have been separated from my 2 day old. The midwives were right to check on your welfare.

I don't think it's an anti-men type thing. The MW or HV will ask YOU how you are, and assess, quietly for any signs of depression, tearfulness etc. They might want to talk about feeding etc. It could be a sign tour dh is controlling & won't let you out of the house etc.

Hope your stiches are healing. :)

Ignore last post as your married it would be!

Is your baby registered, If not the he doesn't have PR yet then will he. As he is not registered as the childs father.

Also i think its to check on mum as well. It could be a 'possible' sign there is something amiss. 99.99% of mothers will go.

Ignore last post as your married it would be!

Is that right? what about if the OP was married but he was not the father?

It does happen.

I'm with you that dad is as capable as mum. However I think that first check up is also for mum too, so I am not sure if I would of stayed at home.

I hope your babies hearing was all ok, and congratulations on babies arrival
Xx

Good point!

I can see both sides

makes me greatful that i chose homebirth so all checks happened in my home (bedroom) and i didnt have to go anywhere!

No need to be a little outraged on anyone's behalf I don't reckon. Probably just a bit unusual to them so wanted to check you're okay. Which you are.

Anyway, huge congratulations on your new daughter, don't waste any more time brooding about it and hope you settle in to your new family life wonderfully.

Could the phone call about consent have been because the birth probably wouldn't have been registered yet so your husband wouldn't have automatic PR? I don't know just having a guess about that. Otherwise while unusual I don't think they should be phoning, to be honest there are probably quite a few mums who would rather do that than traipse into hospital but are worried what other people might think!

Cross posts!

A woman's husband is the legal father of a baby she has, whether or not its bus biological child.

That's why they should do all this before you're discharged or do a home visit. Of course you want to rest on day 2 postpartum. When I had my son last year it was the same, discharged 1 day after an EMCS then because it was bank holiday, no one to do a hearing check so had to go back, so annoying (and bloody painful).

Goodness, they expect you to keep an appointment 2 days post partum? Round my way they come to your house until you're discharged from the midwives' care.

Yanbu in those circumstances.

Sorry if I missed it up there somewhere, but do you not get a midwife coming out to check up on you after the baby is born?
I had one with all 3 of mine, from the 2nd day or so onwards for about 10 days before being handed over the a HV.

When DC3 was born, DP took him out for a few hours in the car to drop DDs off at a party and I loved having a bit of time on my own after the birth and it gave me time to clean the house before the mass of visitors that evening . No red flags or warning signs over here!

So in conclusion, I think YANBU.

splashy - really - you wouldn't have let dc's dad take baby for 1 hour knowing they were fine and didn't need feeding?

I might have been that paranoid for dc 1, but dc2 and 3 I would have no problem. No PND here with any of 3 kids.

I think this says something really good about your relationship with your dh and his relationship with his dcs.

On the other hand, it is probably a mother and baby check. I would be fed up with phoning to ask your permission. They don't need your permission, they have dh permission. If they had a question about your health, then they should ask it as a question about your health, not disguised as a question about baby.