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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my DC to participate in nativity?

631 replies

Spru · 05/12/2012 15:47

I asked school to excuse DC from nativity (due to religious reasons - we do not depict jesus/mary/joseph.) They were absolutely fine with it. Happened to mention this to work colleagues - and they basically told me that I wasn't willing to integrate! Hmm

I was a bit shocked that they saw it like this despite the fact that I explained why. I didn't realise that this decision was perceived as a lack of willingness to integrate - in a country which I have been born and brought up in.

I had to bite my tongue for the sake of peace!

So...MN jury...Grin AIBU to exclude DC from nativity for religious reasons (note: DC is not excluded from other christmas activities at school). Am I just not integrating well into the society that I was born and brought up in?

TIA

Grin

(please be gentle)

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 00:50

Yes

It gets right on my last nerve when people don't understand the plain text before their eyes because they're far too busy posting like a right on idiot.

Original poster
Spru · 07/12/2012 00:50

Sanctions and restrictions? I impose many other sanctions and restrictions on my DC such as bedtime, no junk food, must brush teeth. No one would say they were wrong. I also take DC out of school for Eid celebration 2 days in a year - is that divisive and 'excluding' too? Is it really so hard to respect a bit of diversity and difference?

Actually I did change my stance on one thing - which I discussed earlier as I was being told off for picking and choosing! Also, a post earlier mentioned that they have gained something from this thread. As far as i am concerned, if this thread has been of some sort of benefit even to 1 person, then it was well worth it.

I posted because I genuinely wanted to know what the opinion out there was and I have gained great insight and an admiration of some people's determination to defend the right to religious beliefs even though they may not agree with them and most importantly I have realised that it is VERY important to challenge intolerance - not solely of the religious kind! Grin

OP posts:
Jinsei · 07/12/2012 00:53

Yeah, I get really annoyed when people don't read the thread properly too. That's what sparked my post actually. Grin

Good night!

WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 00:53

Is it really so hard to respect a bit of diversity and difference?

Well clearly it is since your child has been banned from joining in an annual play with their friends Confused

Well now you know what the opinion is 'out there'...it's very much divided but then I'd hazard a guess that you knew that before starting the thread.

WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 00:55

Never mind Jinsei you can always re-read in the morning Wink

Jinsei · 07/12/2012 00:57

No need worra. Some of us are fortunate enough to understand first time round. Wink

Original poster
Spru · 07/12/2012 00:57

Jinsei , thanks for your post. Really appreciate it. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Spru · 07/12/2012 00:58

Grin lol jinsei

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 01:03

Yes, it's a shame you're not one of those people.

Honestly, it's quite insulting and lazy to assume that about anyone who disagrees with banning a child from a school play.

Original poster
Spru · 07/12/2012 01:04

Worra I was actually quite surprised by some comments especially 'catching Christian'. I mean, what is that all about! Confused

OP posts:
GothAnneGeddes · 07/12/2012 01:07

I cannot bear the "why did you post about it then?" comments.

Posting in AIBU is not making a solemn promise to do whatever most people think you should do, It is merely asking for opinions. The O.P has been very polite in her responses, not drip fed...what more do you want?

How about going on the skin tag on arse thread and telling them not to post, because even that thread title makes me nauseous. Many thanks.

DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta · 07/12/2012 01:14

I really can't belvie thie thread OP, people don't want to see what they are saying is bullshit. Would they expect you shove a load of ham down for Christmas too Confused

The Koran does not expressly forbid the giving of secret santa gifts, it does expressly forbid the portraying of prophets... this is easy right?

DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta · 07/12/2012 01:15

I'm a fecking atheist and even I can get this. Why aren't people more offended that the nativity is being performed in school? Don't tell me that it's cultural and not religious because that is balls.

Original poster
Spru · 07/12/2012 01:17

sorry worra but you HAVE missed the point. It is not about banning for the sake of banning at all.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2012 01:22
DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta · 07/12/2012 01:23
Original poster
Spru · 07/12/2012 01:25

Doing Yup, you got it straight away. :)

Perhaps I need to take a course in creative writing as I am obviously failing too get my point across to some :)

OP posts:
RiaUnderTheMistletoe · 07/12/2012 01:26

Worra OP has made it clear why she doesn't want her dc participating in Nativity. Her dc is not being made unhappy by her decision. I'm sure all parents make decisions on behalf of their children, including ones not in line with the majority view. I'm afraid I don't understand your objection. Surely there are things you wouldn't allow your dc to do, even if all their friends were. Perhaps eating the meat of an endangered animal, or wearing inappropriate clothing, or joining an after-school club with a homophobic agenda.

Giving conformity the highest priority seems to me to be abdicating responsibility for teaching your dc right from wrong, leaving them to make moral decisions from a young age with no guidance. I think it's easier for children to choose their own principals if they see their parents doing that, rather than just following the crowd.

misterwife · 07/12/2012 01:41

The reasons for not wanting your DC to participate in nativity are clear enough - in Islam, Jesus is regarded as a prophet and depictions of prophets are not allowed.

Speaking from the point of view of someone who is not a Muslim, I'd say that you are not being unreasonable, simply logical. Your colleague's bluster about 'failure to integrate' is almost certainly unreasonable, however.

What I would say is that, if you believe your DC is old enough/wise enough to make their own decisions - and I would say that any kid who is old enough to have a major role in a nativity play IS old enough to decide things for themselves - ask your DC their opinion on the matter first. You don't want to be withdrawing them from something they might enjoy doing for reasons they don't understand.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2012 04:52

Oooo, I got some action on MN. And, it was on a thread about religion. Cheers, DoingIt.

exoticfruits · 07/12/2012 07:10

I would hope that if it was my mother she would lighten up over the years and by the time I was an adult we could laugh about the triviality of stopping me taking part in a nativity play.
Why not just ask your DC their views? They are the one who is going to do it? I found Christmas at school very exciting and sitting on my own being excluded would have been very boring, not to mention upsetting.

Sirzy · 07/12/2012 07:26

The OP has already clearly stated that he isn't sat on his own as others aren't taking part and that he isn't bothered by the fact he isn't taking part.

exoticfruits · 07/12/2012 07:47

So what is he doing when the class is rehearsing? As a teacher I know he would have to be found something different.

exoticfruits · 07/12/2012 07:50

There won't be many who don't take part. after decades of teaching, in many different schools I have had Jehovah Witness twins not take part and the only reason they could give was 'mummy wouldn't like it' - they hadn't a clue why.

exoticfruits · 07/12/2012 08:39

OP also hasn't thought it out and her DC has no experience. I dare say he/she isn't bothered at the moment because he doesn't understand how it works. How will they feel when they all dress up? What will happen when the whole school watch it and all the TAs want to see it? Will they get to watch or will they have to sit in the school office, as the only place? What happens when all the parents, grandparents etc come an watch - won't they be upset at that point?