Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed

[Mosman]

In a crop top, aged 11 to be circulated on the Internet ?
I'm fcuking fuming just not sure how to handle this.
When we joined the school I was given a form asking for a signature to authorise the children to be photographed. We declined. That as far as I'm concerned should have been the end of the matter.
Except this morning I get a phone to make sure I understand the implications of my child not bring photographed, I say that I do, I am told that she the teacher will explain to my child that she needs to ask mum if she questions why she cannot be photographed. Fine I say.
When the children arrive back into the classroom from assembly the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this.
Later on in the day I received the school newsletter via email displaying DD's classmates performing a dance wearing cropped tops, midriffs on display, confirming everything I was concerned about.
How do I handle this effectively and get a satisfactory outcome ?

When my DD was 11 and at primary school, they had a blanket ban on taking photos in school productions of any sort. We could only take photos at the end, of our child only.

"Idiotic, self-obsessed, over-dramatic nonsense."

If paedo terror I couldn't agree more.

Right well you did ask.
One of the parents at the school is a convicted pedophile and not allowed on the premise.
They will however be emailed a copy of the school news letter.
This makes me feel a bit I'll if I'm honest.

Ill not I'll

How do you know this Mosman?

"When my DD was 11 and at primary school, they had a blanket ban on taking photos in school productions of any sort. We could only take photos at the end, of our child only."

So glad they don't do that at my DC school. I think many school have moved away from that stance now, seeing how stupid it is not to let parents take pictures.

Really op what harm do you think she will come to?

Storm in a teacup.

The school rang to double check, because there are an astonishing number of busy parents on auto-pilot who tick 'no photos', meaning 'no I am not bothered, you can take as many as you like'

As a guide leader, and other youth groups, I have to comply with image release stuff. If I get a form ticked 'no photos', I call to clarify, not to belittle the parent or to make them change their mind to make their life easier, but to check that a) they didn't make a mistake, and b) if there were reasons behind the 'no photos' decision that I need to be aware of.... Ie, religious customs, dangerous ex-partners who do not currently know where the dc is / safe house type thing, custody battles where I need to know if there is a potential increased danger to the child.

To bleat that the school are wrong to check you meant to tick the box is completely unreasonable. Most of my parents have ticked the box in error, and where they haven't, if I can understand why they do not wish photos to be taken helps me to safeguard their children.

You are being co platelet an utterly unreasonable. Your kid wasn't even in the pictures - the school complied with your wishes, and you are STILL complaining?

Wtaf?

The reason for image release is generally feck all to do with paedophilia, btw. It's usually for privacy reasons relating to custody.

Dd1's dance school are doing a display at the World Cup later this month. They will be in their skimpies in public alongside all those athletes in skintight Lycra. I have no doubt that there will be pics taken.

Am lolling at no CCTV of her in her bathers. Does she not ever use a public pool? Never swim at all? can she swim? Or do you have a private pool at home? Aren't you in Oz? I wouldn't have thought there was too much hang up about 11yos in swimwear... Particularly at this time of year.

OP, I cannot believe that you seriously object to the photograph including your daughter - school photogaph in perfectly normal attire for dance/sport/drama. I think you should seriously consider your strange attitude because you will be in for a very serious teenage rebellion if you restrict your daughter's participation in this way. She is old enough to have her own views.

Oh, it is paedo hysteria.

I'm off then.

That's not relevant all other points stand anyway. Obviously they didn't put that In the prospectus.

Well it is relevant really.

I don't think the title of this thread has assisted the discussions, OP. I'd also say that if the teacher has told your dd she cannot take part in other activities purely on the basis of your refusal to have her photograph taken then you need to check the accuracy of this alleged statement.

But equally, it occurs to me that you are spoiling for a fight with the school as well as being very paranoid about photography. It is very important that you give your dd a full explanation about why she cannot be photographed so that she can avoid this happening in the first place. Because I don't see how, if you've forbidden the school to take pictures of her, she ever appeared in the set of pictures you are now so cross about.

It's all very well for you to say that all the school need to do is edit all the pictures they take but, as a press photographer, I can tell you now that I don't routinely crop children out of pictures and neither do I expect to Photoshop every picture I take. Once the picture is taken it will get published and my editor doesn't spend ages going backwards and forwards attempting to get approval before the picture is printed. Instead, we expect the teachers/any other responsible adult to ensure that all children who might be in a picture are allowed to be photographed. Because it is quite customary for some children at every school to be excluded from photography - most often because they are being fostered/in the care of the local authority/at risk if their identity is revealed.

Most schools that I know (and I've a number of friends who are teachers) expect that there will be some children who cannot have their picture taken if it will then be shared anywhere. But then most schools are very careful about how the distribution of newsletters and accessibility of web pages and they aren't just plastered all over the internet for the world to see.

Ultimately it is up to you, of course. But be prepared that you will almost certainly exclude your dd from some activities and that she will be singled out and removed from line-ups. You can't have it both ways.

"One of the parents at the school is a convicted paedophile and not allowed on the premise.
They will however be emailed a copy of the school news letter.
This makes me feel a bit I'll if I'm honest. "

Yes it would make me feel ill as well. But lets imagine, worse case, the image is passed around a paedophile group, even that, horrible as it is, isn't going to harm your DD.

madwoman, I'm weirded out by that too.

Any person walking past you in the street could be a convicted paedophile too. What do you intend to do about that? Put a paper bag over your daughters head?

How did you get this information and how do you know the school sends newsletters out to them anyway?

Do you know how paedophiles function, OP? Only they rarely rely on what will inevitably be low res photographs of clothed children in school newsletters to feed their horrible habit. Also, how do you know one of the parents is a convicted paedophile?

You seem to know an awful lot about the parents in a school your child has only attended for three weeks!

YANBU to Think they shouldn't have humiliated your daughter, especially if she's new to the school and trying to fit in.

YANBU to ask the school not to include your daughter in the photographs. I don't really understand your reasons but I'm assuming you and your H have thought this through and are protecting your daughter. I don't agree with your hysteria about crop tops and swimming costumes as you let her wear them and, as others have said, you might find issues with other people taking photographs which do include your daughter. Everyone can't amend their behaviour for you.

YABUto not discuss the reasons with your daughter. She's 11 years old and it would be a great way to open up the discussion about Internet safety.

I used to look after a child who had been abused by his parents. We had to be very careful with him around food. He would eat and eat until he threw up because he didn't understand what that 'full feeling' was due to a life of not being fed properly. He would grab at food like it would be taken away if he wasn't quick. He was forcibly taken away from his birth parents and adopted. Last time I heard everything was going swimmingly. When he was at my nursery we always had to be careful about photos in case he could be identified and traced to the nursery.
The teacher should have accepted that a child could not be photographed. She should not have singled her out in public. That was unprofessional behaviour.
The teacher saying she might not be able to join the school choir or band is fair. If they perform in public they can't stop people from taking photos.

So.. the school is going to deliberately send an email with photographs of schoolchildren specifically and directly to someone they have banned from the premises because he is a convicted paedophile. Right... I expect he is on all their email lists.

And you know this how exactly?

If any of this is true, you are a very hysterical person.

Trivialise if it makes you feel better, it makes me feel quite ill tbh
I'll do whatever it takes to ensure I feel comfortable, as comfortable as you can under the circumstances. The fact is a simple no box ticked should have been sufficient in the first place and that decision had been made before we were told but my god I want it enforced now.

It is the kind of thing other parents like to ensure newbies know I guess. I'd be fucked off if we'd had them over for dinner and nobody told me.

Again who told you this?

You can do what you want but you can't expect your child to be hidden from your decision and it will have an impact for her in school, it is impossible for it not to. You seem to be struggling to understand this in your hunt to blame everyone else!

"I'll do whatever it takes to ensure I feel comfortable"

Yes OP this is all about making you feel better, even you seem to realize this isn't about protecting you DD, because no danger exists.