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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed

312 replies

Mosman · 05/12/2012 14:30

In a crop top, aged 11 to be circulated on the Internet ?
I'm fcuking fuming just not sure how to handle this.
When we joined the school I was given a form asking for a signature to authorise the children to be photographed. We declined. That as far as I'm concerned should have been the end of the matter.
Except this morning I get a phone to make sure I understand the implications of my child not bring photographed, I say that I do, I am told that she the teacher will explain to my child that she needs to ask mum if she questions why she cannot be photographed. Fine I say.
When the children arrive back into the classroom from assembly the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this.
Later on in the day I received the school newsletter via email displaying DD's classmates performing a dance wearing cropped tops, midriffs on display, confirming everything I was concerned about.
How do I handle this effectively and get a satisfactory outcome ?

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/12/2012 14:50

What are batters?

Original poster
Mosman · 05/12/2012 14:51

Bathers

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 05/12/2012 14:51

I doubt your teacher 'announced it' to the class. She was probably speaking about clubs and then mentioned to your DD that she possibly couldn't join. The teacher probably called you to make you fully aware of the implications of your decision.

You obviously have your reasons for your choice, and they will effect your DD, I don't see why you are upset.

Sirzy · 05/12/2012 14:53

Are any private parts on display in these photos? What harm does a photo of a child in a swim suit or crop top pose?

WileywithSageStuffing · 05/12/2012 14:53

Semi naked in "bathers" or crop tops! OP I think you must live a very sheltered life!

blindworm · 05/12/2012 14:53

The school newsletter emailed to you is hardly circulated on the internet.

forbiddenfruit85 · 05/12/2012 14:53

She's wearing a crop top, and I'm assuming all the girls in the dance group are wearing the same.

Are you annoyed at whats she's dressed in? the email? or being singled out?

crikeybill · 05/12/2012 14:53

If she did single your child ou in this bizarre and public way then no, YANBU about that

The email pics...erm....wouldnt bother me. They are only crop tops ??Does your DD ever wear one in the street ?

Are you sure about the swimming costumes ?

AllYoursJingleBellbooshka · 05/12/2012 14:53

the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this

I love LOVE to see how they could follow through with this. There could be any number of safety reasons why you would not want your DDs picture being taken and you are not obliged to give any of them.

I cannot see what purpose it served to bring this up in front of the whole class, it's none of their business.

Floggingmolly · 05/12/2012 14:54

Your child wasn't in the photograph. Which is exactly what you wanted.
You need to stop being bothered on behalf of the other parents, who presumably have no problem with it at all.

AllYoursJingleBellbooshka · 05/12/2012 14:54

I would love.

Doh.

crikeybill · 05/12/2012 14:55

Seriously I dont get why your bothere about the crop tops ?? What do you think will happen.
Mass belly button watching Shock??

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/12/2012 14:55

Was the picture of children in their batters showing a swimming lesson or something?

I can't see a problem with it myself, I think you are being a tad hysterical about a non issue. It's fine for other parents to give consent, it's fine for there to be pictures of children in costumes with midriffs showing on the Internet and its fine for the school to double check with you about your dd being included in the pictures.

It is not fine for them to embarrass your child, and it is not fine for them to exclude your child from school activities.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 05/12/2012 14:56

The school is out of order.

If they make it an option it to be photographed, they must be able to enforce it, rather than bully the parents who selected the less desirable option for the school.

Child can join any club. They can easily be removed from the pictures.

Kendodd · 05/12/2012 14:56

Are you worried about paedos getting over excited about seeing a group of children in crop tops? If so I think you need to get a grip op. I can understand the schools point that she can't be in the school band or choir because of this because it would mean they would have to ban all the other parents from taking pictures of their own children during performances.

Although I would be upset about her being singled out like this.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 05/12/2012 14:57

An option not to be photographed...

Original poster
Mosman · 05/12/2012 14:57

I'm using the cropped tops and bathers as examples as to why I don't want my children photographed, clearly the school is comfortable photographing and circulating these photos which is why I said no.
It's more the undermining the parents having been told no twice, the upsetting DD publicly that I would like addressing.
I'm surprised at the MN response, real life has been quite different.

OP posts:
TheJoyfulChristmasJumper · 05/12/2012 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freddiefrog · 05/12/2012 14:59

The reasons for saying no aren't really relevant are they? The pics wouldn't bother me personally, but the OP said no, and that should be the end of it.

I'd complain about the way she was singled out, but I'd not complain about the pics of other peoples kids, presumably their parents said yes

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/12/2012 14:59

People are more polite in real life. They tend to say what you want to hear rather than what they are actually thinking.

TheJoyfulChristmasJumper · 05/12/2012 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 05/12/2012 15:02

Most people have managed to split the two issues. They shouldn't have singled her out publically BUT when photos are taken there is always the chance she will feel excluded.

There is nothing wrong with the school clarifying things with you when specifics occur.

Your reasons for not wanting photos though do seem rather daft though.

Notmadeofrib · 05/12/2012 15:02

Paedo Paranoia gone mad!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 05/12/2012 15:02

I think that the examples, cropped tops,etc. are just distracting from the main problem.

The school must be able to enforce privacy when requested.

There can be other reasons for wanting privacy.

crikeybill · 05/12/2012 15:03

No Mosman thats not what you originally wanted addressing at all ?? The title of your thread is " Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed in a crop top aged 11 to be circulated on the internet" Apparently you are fucking fuming about it ?? Even though your child isnt in the picture ?? Confused

So again YABU !

YANBU if yuor child really was singled out in that way, which is what you have now decied you are asking.

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