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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get pissed off with friends who are always late?

56 replies

Ilovesunflowers · 04/12/2012 21:01

I have a couple of friends who are always late when we arrange to do something. It is starting to piss me off. On Sunday, for example, one was 35 minutes late as she'd missed the bus (again!). I was stood out in the cold waiting so I ended up having to go into the restaurant and wait for her as it was freezing cold. I hate waiting in restaurants as I was taking up a table that someone else could have used.

Tonight I was doing another friend a favour. She was coming round for me to look at her essay. She's just text (40 minutes late) to say she hasn't finished it so she won't be coming. I could have stayed in the pub with another friend but came home early to help her out.

I am starting to get annoyed about it now. It's always the same two friends. They both come from a country that is more flexible about arrangements and are a bit more chilled about these things. Time doesn't really matter to them. AIBU to still be pissed off about this despite it being part of their culture?

OP posts:
FabulousFreaks · 04/12/2012 21:03

YANBU but they are unlikely to change so if you want to stay friends you may have to accept it and change your expectations. Also tell them a time 30 minutes earlier than the real time you want to meet. I do get your pain though

StuffezLaBouche · 04/12/2012 21:06

This drives me insane. I know I go OTT about timing and lateness, (actually by that I mean "am always punctual") but seriously, some people just haven't a clue.
Don't put up with it. My constantly late best friend and I have a good enough relationship that I can text her along the lines of "you fucking said three and I'm standing here like a dickhead" (ok, there's the OTT element) but she doesn't EVER make any effort to be on time, which does get to me.

I would have gone into the restaurant though and had a drink in the warm.

annabeldp · 04/12/2012 21:10

YADNBU - it drives me crazy when people are always late. I get cross just thinking about it.

Agree with FabulousFreaks to tell them an earlier time. Or if going to a restaurant sit down and order whether they've arrived or not (works better with a group)! I will also now only wait 10 minutes for someone who is notoriously late before I leave - grrrr.

nananaps · 04/12/2012 21:11

Rude.
I cant abide this.
Its like they are so important that its ok that they make people wait around for them.

In the past, i have waited 20 minutes then left. Thats with serail offenders.

Wont put up with it.

nananaps · 04/12/2012 21:12

gahhh "serial offenders"

suburbophobe · 04/12/2012 21:16

Very rude actually.

Am a LP, and taking care of elderly parents.

I just don't have time for these kinds of people....

It also shows me where their priorities lie, really.

PimpMyHippo · 04/12/2012 21:17

Aargh I hate it when people are always late too. It's just rude - complete disrespect for your time. There was a thread a few months ago asking habitually late MNers to explain themselves, and a lot of people commented saying that they hated having to wait for people so always made sure they were the last to arrive so they wouldn't have to wait around - never mind the poor sod waiting for them! Shock

One of my friends is constantly late, and I've come to see that it's part of this "loveable ditzy daydreamer" persona that she uses to cover the fact that she is basically selfish and doesn't see other people's time as important. (She's the same when it comes to things like completely tuning out when people talk to her - she presents it as "aren't I an adorable dolly-daydream" when actually it's "you have nothing of any importance to say, I'm not going to bother listening".)

SantyClaws · 04/12/2012 21:19

we have a woman at work who turns up to all our girls gatherings at least half an hour late - we think she likes to make an entrance

we just start without her Xmas Grin

StuffezLaBouche · 04/12/2012 21:19

One of my friends is constantly late, and I've come to see that it's part of this "loveable ditzy daydreamer" persona that she uses to cover the fact that she is basically selfish and doesn't see other people's time as important. (She's the same when it comes to things like completely tuning out when people talk to her - she presents it as "aren't I an adorable dolly-daydream" when actually it's "you have nothing of any importance to say, I'm not going to bother listening".)

I have no clue who this person is but I can feel The Rage rising within me...

suburbophobe · 04/12/2012 21:24

ditzy daydreamer" persona

well put.

But not on my watch!

too many about to get bovered

NaturallyGullible · 04/12/2012 21:26

YABU.

I have friends who are always late, but I know this and build it into the schedule. After 20+ years, I know that I am powerless to influence their timekeeping.

I love my friends and forgive these little weaknesses. I hope they forgive me for my weaknesses too.

suburbophobe · 04/12/2012 21:28

Just wondering, is this a passive aggresive something?....

amroc18 · 04/12/2012 21:35

YANBU. It's a sign they see their time ad more important than yours.

I have a friend who does this too. Drives me mad!

ledkr · 04/12/2012 21:36

Pil are like this'll and it makes me feel like murder. Dh has inherited it and is always late for everything.
I am so fed up that I actually leave now if he's not ready. Last week we were going Xmas shopping and he did his usual trick of disappearing upstairs to find socks/have a crap or whatever. I waited ages with moaning baby who hates being strapped into car before zooming off and leaving him at home.
It has never been mentioned since Grin

CailinDana · 04/12/2012 21:46

If a newish friend does this to me, I just drop them. It's something that annoys me so much that unless it's someone I like a whole lot, then I just don't bother with them any more. I've had to have a serious word with one old dear friend about it, and to be fair to him he has improved massively - he at least texts when he's going to be late, and we arrange to meet in a situation where I can sit and have a coffee or something while I'm waiting. I know some people find it hard to be on time, but they can at least compensate for it in some way. IMO it shows massive arrogance to assume people will just hang around waiting for you without any explanation or apology.

degutastic · 04/12/2012 22:18

Wondering if any of you are my friends have a sneaky rant Xmas Blush

I just can't turn up places on time - it's either fifteen-twenty minutes late or forty minutes early and sometimes I just can't make it forty minutes early! It's not intentional, honest!

whois · 04/12/2012 22:19

YANBU

I hate being late.
I hate it when other people are late.

shellshock7 · 04/12/2012 22:25

My best mate is like this, honestly some people just are, they don't mean owt by it. She is just always so last minute with everything really important things end up massively urgent which make her days so frantic all the time. I feel sorry for her!

It annoyed me when we were young (I'm one of them who is always early so we were a bad match!) but I know she means nothing by it and feels so bad, but it's part of who she is. Me and DH and her and her DP laugh abt it all the time now Smile We went to theirs for a meal the other day and didn't get pudding till 1.30am, was one of the funniest nights we've ever had Grin

justmyview · 04/12/2012 22:45

If they were so hopeless with timekeeping then they would be missing holidays & losing jobs because of it. Normally it's just the arrogance of thinking that they are not willing to wait for you, but expect you to wait for them. I'd suggest you either invite them to come to your house so it doesn't matter if they're late, or else go somewhere it does matter so they will make an effort eg agree to meet them 5 mins before a film starts (having pre-booked tickets, so they won't want to lose the money)

Dozer · 04/12/2012 22:57

Yanbu on the lateness.

A couple of your comments sound martyr-ish: "I hate waiting in restaurants as I was taking up a table that someone else could have used" (not because it's dull or annoying for YOU - other diners' convenience isn't the key issue, and anyway, don't most places have bar areas?); and going home early from the pub to wait in for the essay-writing friend (you could've justs said you would be at pub and to confirm that she was coming and the time or you'd stay out).

Maybe you are being overly kind and considerate iyswim?

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 04/12/2012 23:00

Aim to arrive one hour late with them from now on.

fenix · 04/12/2012 23:00

Be a mirror. You can't change them, and presumably you still want to see them, so at least use an equally flexible attitude towards time with these friends. Be punctual for those who offer you the same courtesy.

Original poster
Ilovesunflowers · 05/12/2012 01:08

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Glad its not just me who hates lateness. Dozer, I'm definitely not a martyr. Did you mean to be so rude! The restaurant did have a bar area but it was very full with people waiting to pay. As for coming home from the pub to help a friend - if you think that's being a martyr then I pity your friends. Surely everyone would do that. Just annoying that she backed out after id got home.

OP posts:
charlmarascoxo · 05/12/2012 01:12

Lateness gives me enormous rage.

Either tell to come 20 minutes before the actual time or be childish and turn up late yourself.

nokidshere · 05/12/2012 02:15

I have a friend who is always late. We have been friends for 15 years now. I simply tell her the time an hour or so earlier than we need to be somewhere by.

I say "lets meet for lunch at 12" and book the table for 1:00 :)