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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wince when women refer to being a mum as "a job"

501 replies

CQuin · 04/12/2012 17:02

It's so mimsy ish, so martyr and yet at the same time.

Our parents would never have said this, is it just the heightened expectations everyone has for everything thee days ?
Would dads say this?

Eg I have two jobs, I'm a mother (or worse "mummy ") and a hat maker." (or whatever )

Fuck off.

OP posts:
Original poster
CQuin · 04/12/2012 17:02

Yet at the same time smug.

I deleted smug. In a fit of ire ;)

OP posts:
EverythingsDozy · 04/12/2012 17:04

I think being a mum is hard work but not necessarily a job. I tell my husband I've been working just as hard as he has.
But then, I don't like to class myself as unemployed so whenever anyone asks I say housewife.

ditavonteesed · 04/12/2012 17:05

meh

MrsMushroom · 04/12/2012 17:06

I don't give a bugger what you call it. Or anyone else. If it makes them happy so be it. You call it what you want and don't judge others for their choices. YABU to wince. There are worse things.

RedZombie · 04/12/2012 17:06

I was chit chatting with some sales rep recently who said, when I asked of his wife works, said 'he has the hardest job a woman can have, she's a full time mother'. I wanted to punch the smugness right out of him.

I loathe the term 'full time mother'.

LRDtheFeministDude · 04/12/2012 17:07

I wince when women make woman-bashing comments from a position of smug ignorance, but hey, what can you do?

You do know people get paid to do childcare, right?

Frontpaw · 04/12/2012 17:08

If it was a job you'd get a holidays and sick pay. Its your whole bloody life!

ChestnutsRoastingonaWitchesTit · 04/12/2012 17:08

Yeh me too but I wince even more when people ask me what I do.

girlgonemild · 04/12/2012 17:08

I think yabu. It's a way of women trying to get a little respect for their role as mum in a society which only really values money making status building employment. I'm guessing people who say that are just saying being a mum is equal to any other job.

TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 04/12/2012 17:09

Sorry, am I suppose to think it's all puppies and kittens and sweetness and light?

It's not. It's bloody hard work. And the pay is crap. Not to mention the sick leave and holiday time.

If it's not a job, then what is it?

craftynclothy · 04/12/2012 17:09

When people ask me what I do, tbh I have no idea what to answer and tend to give a rambling long-winded explanation that I'm predominantly a SAHM but I also teach craft workshops occasionally (like one every month or two) and that I'm also a student with the OU. I don't really mean that I class being a SAHM as a job but it's what takes up most of my time.

If I'm asked on any forms what my occupation is I put down that I'm self-employed (job title depends on the form).

I wouldn't expect Dh to say "Dad & Software Developer" just because his job is full-time. Actually I wouldn't expect it for a part-timer with regular hours either. I think it's because my work is more ad-hoc.

iwillsleepagainsomeday · 04/12/2012 17:09

being a responsible adult is a hard 'job'. Wether you work a paid job or take care of family and home, that does not really matter. You still have to do things that tire you, things you don't like to do, things that you do like etc etc.

cornycarrotshack · 04/12/2012 17:10

I have several jobs. I include couch surfer.

IveBeenGoodSantaIPromise · 04/12/2012 17:10

It's not a job but it is hard work.

But the term 'full time mum' is the worst - every mum is the world is a full time mum whether they also go out and work or not.

ifso · 04/12/2012 17:11

Does it really matter what other women do or don't do though?

Does it really matter THAT much? To get so angry about it?

purrpurr · 04/12/2012 17:11

YABU. Every element of being a mother combined would command a £60,000 a year salary.

I think it's martyrish to say it's NOT a job, as if to say "It's just something I have to do, no one else will do it..." Insert sigh, eye roll, shrug and/or various other passive aggressive body language displays. How is it not a job?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/12/2012 17:12

Ugh I hate "full time mum"

I don't become a part time mother when I walk out of the door to go to work.
SAHP don't become part time parents when their DCs go to school.

FabulousFreaks · 04/12/2012 17:13

I think it is a reaction to the fact that mums get so little respect for what they do

SolomanDaisy · 04/12/2012 17:13

So CQuin, what do you do?

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles · 04/12/2012 17:13

Well when there is a box to put occupation in, I have to put mum, because I don't want to put disabled drain on society, or Nothing. We do have to quantify the amount of time and effort that goes into parenting, lots of people don't.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 04/12/2012 17:15

Depends what you understand a job to be

If you think that for something to be a job, a person has to get paid for it then you're right. Being a parent is not a job.

If, however, you take the broader meaning of the word job - ie anything someone is required or expected to do, their responsibilities, their duties - then it is a job. When you choose to have a child, caring for that child becomes a job that is required of you.

justmyview · 04/12/2012 17:16

In RL, I don't come across people saying this. I agree that being a Mum is not a job. To me a job = paid employment, although I acknowledge that others take a different view

Whodhavem · 04/12/2012 17:16

And when parents say they are "babysitting" thier own children!

Original poster
CQuin · 04/12/2012 17:16

In have two jobs. Neither is "being a mum"
No idea why you need to know !

OP posts:
Kayano · 04/12/2012 17:16

It pisses me off

'I'ma full time mum.'

As opposed to what? A part time mum?