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AIBU?

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Original poster

to tell parents to reimburse me

267 replies

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 22:56

My dd, 7, had a dance show yesterday and forgot her costume (dress). I was annoyed but as time was tight I paid £20 for a return cab to go home and get it as I did not want to let her and her dance team down.
She was wearing another costume for a dance she was doing before and when she went to change into her dress is was missing. Everyone in her class, apart from one who they thought was nervous before the dance,searched and she ended up going on stage being the only one without her costume. She cried throughout the performance but held it together as she did not want to let the others down.
When I saw her dress wasn;t on and she was crying I went to the side of the stage, asked the teacher why she wasn'r wearing it and got a reply' she lost it'.
I knew this could not have been the case and as soon as the dance ended my dd came to me-(she was also upset as she knew I made an effort to get a cab there and back when I had been ill).
I told her it wasn't her fault and then searched for it and then asked some of her classmates to check the labels. Well, the girl who did not help to find it had it on and when I asked her why she said she forgot hers and it was in her dads car boot. Her dad was watching the show so could have been found. I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'
I told her it was a horrible thing and to return it and she took it off and didn't even apologise.
The dance teacher knows.
One parent told me, 'they are only children and I shouldn't make a big deal' but I think her behaviour is wrong.
A few other parents who heard were disgusted.
Should I tell the teacher to get the girls parents to give me my cab fare and should I ask the video of that dance is deleted as dd feels humiliated as is was crying throughout it and the only one in the whole show who was not in the correct costume? It is supposed to be going to 120 people approx.
As the dress was being looked for and dd was in tears I think it is a horrid experience for any child to have happen.
Am I over-protective?

OP posts:
BookieMonster · 07/12/2012 15:59

How did you behave after the show? It sounds as though the teacher has a problem because of events after the performance.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:00

If teacher cared at all, she only had to acknowledge and say she would have a word with other girls parents and she was sorry she did not check name labels on dress. She obviously only cares for her pocket.

BookieMonster · 07/12/2012 16:02

Did you overreact on the night?

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:03

Bookie, I was the last to leave after the show and told teacher dress was found and she asked who had it. I said other girl knew and it wasn't am accident. She didn't say anything apart from 'oh dd still went on stage and did well'.
She didn't give a ff

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 07/12/2012 16:03

Witch

Re the DVD, my understanding is that you don't have any legal rights in this situation to withdraw permission - any guidance re checking with parents first before taking pictures is voluntary.

The rules of the dance school organisation may be different but just wanted to clarify that.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:11

Bookie, I was the last to leave after the show and told teacher dress was found and she asked who had it. I said other girl knew and it wasn't an accident. She didn't say anything apart from 'oh dd still went on stage and did well'.
She didn't seem to care and I stupidly assumed she was just tired.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:11

Thanks doctrine.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:13

Bookie, teacher just wanted to ignore and expected dd to go to class as if nothing had happened.

Familyguyfan · 07/12/2012 16:26

Honestly, if this had happened to my daughter I wouldn't contact the teacher again. I would simply bad mouth the classes to anyone who would listen, explaining what had happened. People can then make up their own minds as to whether or not they wish their child to be treated in this manner. I wouldn't!

gettingeasier · 07/12/2012 16:28

Sorry OP I think you have reaped what you sowed here

Maybe you should have just let DD go to class as if nothing happened

Yes the other girls behaviour was wrong but things like this do happen

Yes it must have been upsetting for your DD to have had to perform out of costume but I would have focused on how well she handled it and whilst privately felt disappointed and sad for her recognised these things are soon forgotten

Raised voices and certainly speaking directly to the girl was a huge mistake in an environment with young children

To be honest what should the teacher have usefully done ? The show was over.

I think to still be feeling sufficiently annoyed days later and send the teacher the text you did was crazy. Far too strong a reaction to what actually happened which was a 7yo girl in a dance team whipped your DDs dress when she didnt have her own resulting in your DD having to go on in her normal clothes.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 07/12/2012 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristmasIsForPlutocrats · 07/12/2012 16:35

This thread is bound to go poof now, what with the liberal sprinkling of the school's name about the place, not to mention the location....

FeelingFestiveCheerMum · 07/12/2012 16:38

OP, I would have a look at the UKCA website. They have a club finder facililty so you can find your dd a PROPER cheerleading class, rather than the shit-fest that you used to go to Xmas Grin

www.ukca.org.uk

\o/

ChristmasIsForPlutocrats · 07/12/2012 16:38

Sorry, I meant to add that the teacher will never now accept any blame for this, now that her school has been named; if anything, that will harden her resolve. Witchcrafty, maybe you could withdraw your posts, so the thread stands as a discussion in which people can be genuinely impartial, rather than a forum for attacking or defending a school with which they may have undeclared links.

There's still scope for discussion of the situation, but not with the school's name in full view, IMO.

TinyDancingHoofer · 07/12/2012 16:42

At 7 that other girl definitely knew she was in the wrong. She stole someones else's dress and watched her get upset. I don't think you were over the top to say what you said to her, it's not like you screamed bloody murder.

I would definitely have spoken to her parents after the show, they should know that their daughter is thieving and teach her to respect others possessions. I don't think you will get the cab fare, you might have if you'd asked on the night and acted very outraged.

Hope your dd isn't too upset.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruprekt · 07/12/2012 16:46

Well done for standing your ground.

I would have been cross too about the whole incident but would not want to send my child to be taught by such a cow!

Am sorry you are both upset and I do think that other child should have been reprimanded for nicking the costume and I would have wanted to be reimbursed for the £20.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:50

Old bad- answer is no. We were always on good polite terms.

BarceyDussell · 07/12/2012 16:51

I'm not sure who was in the wrong here.

Teacher seems to think you made a scene, you say not.

Hard to be sure.

I'm all for standing up for our DC, but I also try to explain to my DC that sometimes people do bad things, and we have to move on from them. If it was clear that the teacher wasn't going to sort out the other little girls parents I would NOT be sending her lengthy texts telling her to exclude the child.

I would have explained to DD that the incident was in the past. I would have lied actually, and said it had been dealt with.

The only person who is suffering as a result of your actions is your DD, because you were OTT.

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:51

Christmas is for pluto- how can I withdraw posts with the name in?

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 16:52

Feeling festive- thanks. I will take a look.

TinyDancingHoofer · 07/12/2012 16:53

I would definitely have spoken to her parents after the show, they should know that their daughter is thieving and teach her to respect others possessions. I don't think you will get the cab fare, you might have if you'd asked on the night and acted very outraged.

Could you contact her superior about her behaviour and the whole incident?

TinyDancingHoofer · 07/12/2012 16:53

Sorry my post seems to have spilt in two Blush

BarceyDussell · 07/12/2012 16:53

"I simply asked other girl where her costume was and she said dads car boot and then asked why she took dd's and she said- because it was there. I then asked her to please give me dd's dress back which she did."

But your OP says:

"I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'
I told her it was a horrible thing and to return it and she took it off and didn't even apologise."

You told a 7 year old who wasn't your own child that something she did was a horrible thing.

LemonBreeland · 07/12/2012 16:55

I can see why she kicked your dd out tbh. You told her that the other girl should be suspended. She sees you as trouble.

I understand you wanting something to be said to the other girl, but you were telling her what to do and she obviously didn't like that.

I feel sorry for your dd. Because of the actions of the teacher, but mostly your actions.