To tell Dsis (9) that if she "won't sit at a table where people are eating non free range turky" that she can eat her christmas dinner alone on the balcony.

[honeytea]

My lovely adorable and slightly precocious little sister is 9 and has been a self declared vegetarian since she was about 4.

My family are coming to stay with us for Christmas and my mum has kindly offered to cook Christmas dinner which is fab as I am due to give birth on the 8th (but feel like the baby is happy in my tummy and won't be here till much closer to Christmas.) I was talking to my mum and sister today about what I should buy for dinner, they fly to us on the 23rd and we have a christmas day celebration with my DP's family on the 24th so I need to get prepared. I went trough all the vegies and stuff for a nut roast, then I said maybe I will get a big chicken instead of a turky and my little sister said well you had better make sure it is free range as I won't sit at a table where there meat that is not free range, I said to her that is fine she can sit on the balcony and eat her dinner.

AIBU and a nasty big sister, I will look for a free range chicken but I don't often buy meat and I have no idea if you can even buy free range chickens in the country we live in.

It's easy to have principles when you don't have to pay for them. I would tell her you would love to do that but can't afford the extra expense so she will not get any presents but the money will go towards having a free range bird shipped out to you. Since she cares so much she'll be delighted.

All free range isn't more humane than all non-free range.

I'm teaching my kids not to make a fucking song and dance cabaret if some food they don't want to eat is put on their plate at somebody else's house. Ignore it, eat around it, say thank you. You're not obliged to let teh host know precisely where they fell down in your opinion!

In all fairness, she is not expecting or demanding that anybody else do anything. She is merely stating that, according to her principals she cannot bring herself to eat at the same table as a caged turkey. Best way to deal with it is by not dealing with it. She can make her stand on the sofa, you can enjoy your dinner without any steely looks at the table. Everyone sleeps soundly

I am amazed at how many of you are applauding her manipulative and attention-seeking behaviour.

If she wants to be a veggie, then of course she can be, but to try and dictate to other people is hideous.

My aunt was/is a militant vegetarian, and used to come to my parents house and try to dictate what food my mother served. She is now completely ostracised from the family because she never learned how to be diplomatic rather than trying to dictate and impose her views on everyone about this and many other subjects.

Since she is being extreme why don't you try the opposite extreme ?

Tell her while you're eating your non-free range turkey she can kneel on the balcony and thank God that she has the luxury of choice when so many are starving.

Kalisi - clearly though, she was expecting that no turkey be served, rather than that the OP call her bluff and ask her to make the sacrifice of family company for her meal.

If she does genuinely go and sit elsewhere to eat her meal, then I will applaud her - but there is nothing noble, principled or anything else in throwing a tantrum and expecting everyone else to fall over themselves to comply with your wishes. That holds true whether you are 9, 39, or 99.

Where's your mother/father in all this? Aren't they responsible for her discipline (and teaching manners)?

Either way calling her bluff is the best option. It's not a bad thing to have principals but it's best to learn quickly that the world will not change for them and which sacrifices are worth making.

Oh yes, the Scandinavian Poultry problem. I dont envy you honeytea!

If you do go to a delicatessen to buy a turkey, mind that they dont have the trimmings in a plastic bag inside the turkey cavity, before you put it in the freezer - It is going to make defrosting it, just a tad more complicated if you have a plastic bag frozen inside your bird.

If you go for chicken, can you get proper chicken which is not frozen, in the supermarket? In Norway, this is not possible. I have to go to the butchers, and buy two very small birds at £20 per bird, to feed a family of four....

I think your sister sounds fab and you should be proud of her strength of convictions.
She needs learn how to frame her opinions a little more diplomatically to make sure the message isn't lost!
I do find the name calling on this thread a bit off...

Yes, the name calling is a bit off but ......

At nine she will think that she is the centre of the universe and able to control everyone around her. It will do her no harm to begin to learn that this isn't necessarily so.

Activism stopped the fur sales....no one wanted the hassle.

'the world will not change for them'?

I am glad that so many people are changing the world. The world will and does change. All the bloody time.

It's odd that people assume she is attention-seeking....I really don't see that at all. She is not asking people to be veggie...she is asking that the family buys a free-range turkey ffs. Surely that is not such a big deal?

There has been no tantrum. She has expressed her opinion a number of weeks before the event...not at the table. There is time to get a free-range turkey.

I understand what you say abput militant vegetarianism, Ali...how your aunt has made you shudder at the thought of it. I feel that shouting about veal in a restaurant (as I have seen someone do) is rude, crass and does not help the cause. I would never bring up the subject when people are actually eating. That is bad manners and to spoil everyone's meal would be selfish. However, a discussion and a reminder of principles some time before the event is very different.

I applaud your sister, OP. Give her a high five from me. I am older now but I am lucky enough to work in animal conservation - wolves to be exact. If ever wants to come up and see the wolves, I would be chuffed to have her there. When she is older, she could even come and walk with them.

I spend much of my time talking animals, with biologists, conservationists and a friend who has just finished her PhD on farming and farming practice. Trust me, air miles are not the only issue - although an important one. But that's a whole new story and for people who are not interested in food or where and why...it would be a boring one.

I will never stop loving animals and loving nature. Let's hope that this determined little girl doesn't either....

I've never understood the objection to fur tbh (farming methods/endangered species not withstanding). If you're going to eat meat and wear leather, you might as well wear fur.

I used to think a lot of the campaigners were probably a bit thick.

The fact is that there is no problem here.
The child is a vegetarian: fine she can have the vegetarian meal that will be provided for her
The child does not want to sit at a table where there is a non-free range bird: Fine, she can sit on the balcony elsewhere. As others have said, I hope she's put the same demands to the airline.

She does not get to dictate what others eat.

Dogs and cats are not endangered...but they are made into fur.

We do not eat a number of animals from whom we obtain fur.

Methods are cruel and fur is unnecessary...it is a luxury item for wealthy people, not a necessity like food. Using up all of the animal...yes of course that is sensible. But fur farming?

Campaigners are not thick. They are educated.

www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-clothing/animals-used-for-fur.aspx

I was reading a very interesting article recently about "speciesism" in conservation. Cute and fluffy mammal = gets protection, ugly/buzzy and irritating / insect/amphibian = doesn't. OP, your sister sounds bright and sparky, I bet she'd enjoy debating the relative merits of vegetarianism vs. air miles vs. workers' rights

The little girl is not a guest. She is a member of the family who are hosting the party. It is HER house.

I think a lot of people are seeing this as the op having a right to a hassle free meal with her dsis at the expense of the dsis who will then have to swallow her moral principles to facilitate that. It seems rather unreasonable to expect the child to be the one to be more mature, especially as she has already tried to compromise (free range meat rather than no meat) although in a rather undiplomatic way. As a dc she doesn't get any choice in where she spends Christmas but that doesn't mean the adults in her life should force her to go against her principles just because they can and it would make their lives easier. It might be that in 10 years she chooses not to have meals with people who are serving meat but at the moment she can't avoid it. It would be rather unfair and decidedly un-sisterly to use her vulnerability / dependence to avoid compromising.