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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about xmas lunch?(warning trivial!)

109 replies

fallingsun · 28/11/2012 08:13

Dh and I have a 11mo ds. We are due to go to my parents for xmas, they live two hours away. Ds usually eats at 7am,12pm and 5pm, pretty typical for a baby I think...

So I asked dm if we could have Xmas lunch at c1pm as I knew 12 would be too early for the adults and wanted to consider everyone, I thought the adults would normally eat at around 2pm. Dm said that was fine, its only dh,ds, me, dm,df, and dbro and dsil coming. But now dbro has come back saying no, he wants to eat at 3 as that's what dsil and him do every Sunday! He says dh and I are being awkward by wanting to eat at 1 and can't a one year old be flexible and eat at three, dbro likes a big breakfast at 9 so 1 is far too early for him.

So dh has said to me that he doesn't want to go there anymore, ds usually naps from 1-3 so we were already being flexible by moving his lunchtime and he thinks dbro is trying to make a point by refusing to make allowances for our ds (dbro has no children).

Aibu to have asked to do lunch at 1?ds loves a big family meal and rarely gets it as dh is always working. Dh and I feel its a lot easier for adults to eat earlier than to make a baby eat later. Trivial I know, but it looks like a family rift is about to start and Christmas isn't even here yet, what do other parents do?

OP posts:
SpoonyFuckersWife · 28/11/2012 08:17

So 6 or so adults have to change when they normally eat for an 11 month old? Hmm dear god, how precious mums are these days. Give the kid a snack at 12 and they will be hungry again by 3. I would hate to eat Christmas dinner at 1pm.

NoTeaForMe · 28/11/2012 08:18

Your brother is being ridiculous. Tell him 1 year olds can't be flexible but an adult at his age can. Either that or your son has lunch at 12 and his sleep between 1-3 then has a snack and things to do at the table while you all have lunch. That will only work if his sleep is pretty guaranteed though.

NoTeaForMe · 28/11/2012 08:18

Ha-slightly different answers there!

Lavenderhoney · 28/11/2012 08:19

Well, I would give the baby a separate meal in the kitchen at 12.30, let him have his nap and he will probably wake up around 3 and join in. Then you can help your dm get ready. It's a bit unreasonable to expect the whole family to revolve around a baby on Christmas day IMO.

What time would your family normally eat christmas dinner? Won't you miss the queens speech? :)

Goldensunnydays81 · 28/11/2012 08:20

I would just give ds his lunch at 12 then let have his nap from 1-3 where he can then get up all happy and sit at the table with you all for lunch and am sure will snack on a few things whilst he is there!

CMOTDibbler · 28/11/2012 08:20

I'd give ds a sandwich at 12, put him down for a nap, then he'll be in good form for a long meal starting at 3. If he normally has a sleep from 1, then Christmas dinner starting at 1 would be a nightmare

YDdraigGoch · 28/11/2012 08:21

I'm with lavender. But I would hope that the baby will still be napping when the adults eat so everyone can enjoy a civilised grown up lunch together.
Sorry OP Sad

schobe · 28/11/2012 08:22

3pm sounds perfect for your DS as he will be waking from his nap and can sit at the table with everyone. Give him a lighter lunch than usual at 12. Give him snacks. Another light meal at supper time if he needs it. Sorted.

Your DB is making himself sound a bit belligerent but to be honest, he's probably just expressing what everyone is thinking but hasn't the nerve to say to you!

This: "Dh and I feel its a lot easier for adults to eat earlier than to make a baby eat later. " I'm afraid is not true and a massive over-reaction. Your DH needs to really calm down as well tbh. Sounds like he will be the one causing a family rift if it happens.

allnewtaketwo · 28/11/2012 08:23

I think YABU. This lack of flexibility around babies' sleeping/eating times is just over fussy. For goodness sake it's just one day. Give him an early snack. He will be fine. How on earth do people cope having to organise every day around such a rigid routine. I agree with your brother.

Original poster
fallingsun · 28/11/2012 08:23

Spoony - of the six adults, three would normally eat at 12 and three at 3, so no it's not expecting six adults to compromise.

OP posts:
ll31 · 28/11/2012 08:24

Surely its not hard to feed baby anytime. .. he won't explode if you change his routine. . Yabvvu and ridiculously precious. .. your brothets sounds v like you

SpoonyFuckersWife · 28/11/2012 08:25

As you will see, the majority of the replies agree that yabu and need to be more flexible. It's only one day, let your hair down from such rigidity and have fun, it's Christmas!

ZillionChocolate · 28/11/2012 08:27

Isn't it your mother's decision? Accept whatever she says.

Bunbaker · 28/11/2012 08:27

"I would hate to eat Christmas dinner at 1pm."

I would hate to eat as late as 3pm. I would have eaten the carpets by then. What time do your parents normally eat on Christmas day? If it is just your brother who wants a late dinner then he should be prepared to be flexible. If it is usually 3pm I would suck it up and seat your little boy next to him so he can have food thrown all over him Grin

LaCiccolina · 28/11/2012 08:28

Christmas lunch at 3? Nuts! YANBU!!!!

Firstly whose doing brekkie? Now ur poor mum has to cater for that if guests in her house. Also extra nibbles for soaking up drinking keeping u going. Howdo u watch the queens speech?

I agree with dh, he's making a vicious and frankly ill thought out stab - notat u but I feel at ur poor parents.

I suggest u all eat early and they turn up for mince pies /Xmas pud if they can't be bothered to arrive early.

Good luck - and this wasn't that trivial! Mucks up whole day! Not much if ur not organising but ur poor parents..

Pooka · 28/11/2012 08:29

He's only 11 months.

Give him his lunch at 12. Then he can nap at the normal time and wake up in time for the adult meal.

I'd never expect an 11 month old to play that much of a part in the Xmas meal anyway.

NewNames · 28/11/2012 08:29

You're all being ridiculous and if I was the host I'll tell you both where to go!

Just eat at 3pm. Your baby will not die.

allnewtaketwo · 28/11/2012 08:29

oh for heaven's sake, is it really worth a potential argument, spoiled christmas and family rift over an 11 month old's eating times? Really?

Pooka · 28/11/2012 08:30

If everyone eats at 1pm, from your routine your ds will be getting tired and possibly crotchety before you've finished eating anyway. Better to stick to routine but with adults eating later.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 28/11/2012 08:31

Yabu if it suits everyone else to eat later.

The world does not revolve around your baby, and nor should your entire family's Christmas.

sleeplessinsuburbia · 28/11/2012 08:31

I would just give an 11 month old snacks and a sandwich at the usual time. My experience is any time I try something like you're proposing on special occasions the baby is a nightmare and it backfires anyway.
Don't get hung up on it.

NumericalMum · 28/11/2012 08:31

My dd was 9 months at Xmas a few years ago and slept through the meal meaning we could eat in peace and I got a well earned rest (she had not slept a wink the night before.)

diddl · 28/11/2012 08:34

I suggest you all grow up & eat lunch when your Mum deigns to serve it.

Your husband & brother both sound pathetic.

CoolaSchmoola · 28/11/2012 08:35

Babies are hugely flexible and your DS will not implode if you don't stick to your routine for one day. As it's Christmas it will probably go out the window whether you like it or not anyway.

What happens if something happens to screw up your routine? A traffic jam, or a late nap? These things do happen so I think it's good to have a routine, but not to be totally rigid with it.

That said your brother has made the exact same request as you - your reasons are different but you both want dinner at a time that suits you... You think your reason is valid and to him his is.

Neither of you is right or wrong. Personally I think you should BOTH be flexible and eat at the time it suits your Mum as she is the one cooking.

To not go to Christmas dinner because the time doesn't fit your rigid schedule is PFB in the extreme. He's likely to be giddy from the presents and changes from a normal day, excited by all the people and your routine will go to clock anyway.

I'm all for routine but not to one so rigid your DH is huffing about not going for Christmas. The person who will be least affected is your DS.

DontmindifIdo · 28/11/2012 08:38

See, I went along with this last Christmas for then 2 year old ds, obviously he was screaming hungry at 12:30, so I gave him a sandwich, then he wasn't ready for a big meal at 3pm, picked a couple of bits but didn't want to eat, and was overtired and grumpy. We could cope for a day but MIL was upset, she wanted her DGS sat at the table all eating together, but obviously that wasn't going to happen outside of normal toddler eating times. Try talking to your mum, explain that if you all eat at 3pm your 11month old won't, so would she like you to bring a packed lunch for him? If she'd like you all at the table at the same time, then the grown ups who can be flexible will have to eat earlier. Make it clear it just won't happen at 3pm, better to have her tell your db she's serving at 1pm and he can fit round that than have her disappointed.