about xmas lunch?(warning trivial!)

[fallingsun]

Dh and I have a 11mo ds. We are due to go to my parents for xmas, they live two hours away. Ds usually eats at 7am,12pm and 5pm, pretty typical for a baby I think...

So I asked dm if we could have Xmas lunch at c1pm as I knew 12 would be too early for the adults and wanted to consider everyone, I thought the adults would normally eat at around 2pm. Dm said that was fine, its only dh,ds, me, dm,df, and dbro and dsil coming. But now dbro has come back saying no, he wants to eat at 3 as that's what dsil and him do every Sunday! He says dh and I are being awkward by wanting to eat at 1 and can't a one year old be flexible and eat at three, dbro likes a big breakfast at 9 so 1 is far too early for him.

So dh has said to me that he doesn't want to go there anymore, ds usually naps from 1-3 so we were already being flexible by moving his lunchtime and he thinks dbro is trying to make a point by refusing to make allowances for our ds (dbro has no children).

Aibu to have asked to do lunch at 1?ds loves a big family meal and rarely gets it as dh is always working. Dh and I feel its a lot easier for adults to eat earlier than to make a baby eat later. Trivial I know, but it looks like a family rift is about to start and Christmas isn't even here yet, what do other parents do?

ARE YOU MAD?

Feed baby at 12. He sleeps 1-3, joins in on waking.

you know baby may have a complete strop & scream for the entire day so you & dh will be taking it in turns gulping down food in the kitchen & pacing around the garden (dd1 at 13 monts) ... doesn't really matter what time lunch is in that case.

but he may not be awake at 3. He may not be awake at 12 either, or 1 or whatever other time you've resolutely held out for.

Leave your mother to run her own lunch her way. If you really see a family rift as a possibility, you've bigger problems than whether your pfb gets to eat lunch at 1pm.

I also find that Christmas lunch often ends up later than the intended time anyway.

So be prepared for any eventuality!

Is your husband looking for excuses to not go?

why cant your mum say we are having dinner at X time and everybody goes then and have a nice day why is your brother being a twat to his mother is he normally so demanding I feel for your mum tbh poor woman trying to please adult children

I'm with badtasteflump.

I asked mil to do dinner at a time that would mean both my boys would be awake (both also in pretty established routines). Can't remember details but think I asked for 3 so they'd be awake. She agreed and everyone else was more than happy - for what it's worth if have been happy enough had she said no but it would have meant I could have sorted out other food for them to have.

On the day she had a strop (she always gets stressed cooking big meals and wouldn't accept offers for help) and said it was going to be at 1.30 because she didn't want it hanging over her all day..I was a bit pissed off at her change last minute but it's her house and I got on with it.

As it turned out our youngest slept at a totally random time and 1.30 was perfect timing. We all had a lovely day with no falling out.

The moral if the story (as others have pointed out) is that your baby may well do something totally different anyway and it will all work out whatever happens.

Your brother is being an arse and you are being a bit precious but it's really not worth a big fall out over this. All of you need to chill out, you and your bro both need to tell your Mum that she can decide what works best for her and you will both fit in.

at the idea of a routine staying in place on Christmas day in our house! It's absolute chaos here in our house, poor DS2's completely nonexistent routine will be all to cock amidst the madness. He shall be fed when he is hungry and sleep when he is tired.

Just go with the flow OP, give him a light lunch at his usual time and sit him at the table with you all and let him eat what he fancies. He doesn't have to clear his plate to participate in the family meal experience. If he's hungry he'll eat, if he's not he'll play with his food and enjoy the general merriment

Diddl - I think perhaps dh is looking not to go, he told me mil and fil would love to have us for Xmas day and would bend over backwards, lunch at 12 etc. But that would be incredibly rude and hurtful to my parents, who are really looking forward to Xmas day with their gc. We are traveling to pils on boxing day so both sides get some time with gc....

Uggh families!

Goodness me! I would have thought you'd be more stressed about your baby missing his nap than when his lunch is - as a baby who's tired will be crabby. I would give your DS a snack at 12 - banana, biscuits, bread, whatever, put him down to sleep, then get him up to eat at 3 with the rest of you. Or better still, have a starter in peace, and get him up to share main course.

I remember being the same as you - hung up on routine - but honestly it will be fine!!!

ok so he is being a bit of a brat was it decided early on that you would go to your parents this year I think he wants the babies first christmas with his parents but you are going boxing day stick to your guns your baby nor husband will explode if the routine is out , and maybe your husband needs to chill out a wee bit about this routine as the baby gets bigger the routine could go all to pot anyway, go to your mums at the time she says and he can go or not he cant hold you to ransoma nd make you feel guilty for wanting to go to your mums chirstmas day, next year go to the ILs

YABU. Any occasion meals happen at adults meal times. Children will just have to fit in. I always gave my children their meals when they need it and then they get to join in and eat a bit at the proper meal if they want to. If they were napping at the time, that is ideal.

What err do no (no longer for kids as they are older bit because it works) is big breakfast (gammon and poached eggs) about 8-9, 'starter' (smoked salmon / prawns / bread and butter etc) at 12 Ish, then the main event between 3 and 4 with left overs later if anyone is still hungry.

This might be worth suggesting as a compromise as actually it's too late to ask what your Mum wants as she is already going to feel torn isn't she?

Thanks dyac....

Goodness if your baby normally eats at 12 and sleeps at 1 surely he's going to be hungry and tired by the time you actually sit down for Christmas lunch, which let's face it will probably slip a bit anyway, or it does in my house. Sounds like a recipe for a stressful meal to me.

If he sleeps 1-3 that's perfect really. I'd say (as long as your mum is happy), give DS a small sandwich lunch (or whatever he'd eat) at 12 as usual. Put him to bed at 1 as usual. Get your mum to serve dinner at whatever time is convenient for her between 1 and 3.

You get to eat your Christmas lunch while it's hot. You are not stressing about whether your 11mo is ok, is eating, is overtired or whatever.

Then whenever DS gets up, if you're still at the table, which you probably will be, and give him a bit of Christmas dinner to eat/play with, or a toy, or whatever will keep him amused while you finish off.

We did this for DS1's first Christmas, although he was a bit younger, 7mo. After having lunch at 12 and then a sleep, he got up about 3, sat at the table for ages hoovering his way through a full plate of Christmas dinner.

We had CD to ourselves as soon as we had children & parents came to us Boxing Day.

For me lunch at 12 would be too early & lunch at 3 too late-I´d probably have done too much snacking by then to enjoy it

What does your son usually eat-can you take that with you or prepare something at you Mum´s?

As others have said-he won´t care about missing Christmas lunch!

Perhaps next year you´ll swap-as ILs will want a CD as well.

My ideal would have been for GPs to be close enough to pop in after breakfast, leave us alone for lunch (so I didn´t have to cook for everyone), then round again late afternoon.

So that GC had been seen by GPs on CD!!

We do big breakfast of smoked salmon scrambled eggs and bagels for everyone at around 9/10, although this year DS who is 1 and wants brealkfast by about 8 so he can have that and then sit up with us again while we have ours. Then he will go for a snooze.
We always aim to eat our Xmas dinner for about 3 though last year we cooked at my mums and her oven is shit, and we didn't sit down to eat until 6 - everyone was fine. There were plenty of nibbly bits so we had a light snack at about 3 (mainly of celebrations and other crap) and were then all very very pissed hungry and ready for our dinner.
So with all the best laid plans, your baby will be much better slotting around you rather than you forcing your family to fit in round him. He really won't give a damn who's at the table with him or if he's eating at the right times, as long as he's fed when hungry and sleeps when tired.
It's one day and you do come over as being very inflexible and uptight. Chill woman.

As baby is 11 months ill presume you haven't done first Xmas yet, so you are going to have no idea how baby is going to behave/react. Dd at nearly 7 months old pretty much had a meltdown with visitors thrusting presents at her and expecting her to open/ be happy/play with them.

If you have, well they were young enough that you didn't have to worry beyond giving them their feeds.

Both you and your brother are being unreasonable. Your parents should serve dinner when they are ready. Baby can nap at normal time if they want to, meaning you get a couple of hours peace. Or you may find baby is so worn out they will sleep earlier/for longer. At 11 months they could have their own meal earlier and then a tray of finger foods whilst the adults are eating, so they are joining in but not overly hungry at the same time.

I hope you do/ have found a solution which works for you all otherwise it's going to make for a resentful Christmas all round.

We have our christmas dinner between 1 - 2 so don't think your being unreasonable, it will be interesting to see how your Db opinions change once he has children. I would tell him not to eat a big breakfeast, then he'll be ready for his dinner come 1pm. If your Dm doesn't have a problem with the time them then I don't see why Db has.

Some of these comments are a bit mean and purrpurr's are downright nasty. I don't see what's wrong with the OP wanting her child to enjoy a family meal and babies can definitely get caught up with the excitement of having lots of people round a table - of course they enjoy it! My own son did at his first Xmas, and also at weddings we went to when he was little and it was lovely to see.

But I think you should fit in with what your mum wants to do.

And your brother is being a twat.

I do think 12 is ridiculously early in the day to eat a huge Christmas lunch.

Reading all these threads about how stressful the arrangements for christmas eating are makes me really glad that I dont do it!

So your husband is using his baby to make a big deal out of a complete non problem so as to get his own way about Christmas? Even if that upsets you and your family?

What a twat.

Good point flowery about 1 normally being nap time. THat means your DS would not be able to go for a nap until 2ish perhaps, and then you might spend the second half of dinner trying to settle an overtired baby and miss out on christmas pudding

I'd just feed him eat 12, let him nap, eat when he wakes

Both you and your brother are VU. You leave it to your host to decide when to serve dinner, and fit yourself and your child around that. Have some manners!

Why can't you all eat while he's asleep though?

Maybe put him down at 1/1.30, eat at 2 so your poor mother is not worrying about putting either of you out () and hopefully finishing up around the time he wakes?