about xmas lunch?(warning trivial!)

[fallingsun]

Dh and I have a 11mo ds. We are due to go to my parents for xmas, they live two hours away. Ds usually eats at 7am,12pm and 5pm, pretty typical for a baby I think...

So I asked dm if we could have Xmas lunch at c1pm as I knew 12 would be too early for the adults and wanted to consider everyone, I thought the adults would normally eat at around 2pm. Dm said that was fine, its only dh,ds, me, dm,df, and dbro and dsil coming. But now dbro has come back saying no, he wants to eat at 3 as that's what dsil and him do every Sunday! He says dh and I are being awkward by wanting to eat at 1 and can't a one year old be flexible and eat at three, dbro likes a big breakfast at 9 so 1 is far too early for him.

So dh has said to me that he doesn't want to go there anymore, ds usually naps from 1-3 so we were already being flexible by moving his lunchtime and he thinks dbro is trying to make a point by refusing to make allowances for our ds (dbro has no children).

Aibu to have asked to do lunch at 1?ds loves a big family meal and rarely gets it as dh is always working. Dh and I feel its a lot easier for adults to eat earlier than to make a baby eat later. Trivial I know, but it looks like a family rift is about to start and Christmas isn't even here yet, what do other parents do?

To COCK not clock!

Ok your Brother hasn't gone about it the right way by being a bit arsey, but i am inclined to agree with him, i was thinking if i could do Christmas dinner at 12 and there's no way ... even with 3 DC waking up before the crack of dawn in mad excitement, i still need time to :

open both eyes
open presents with said DC
open bucks fizz
open tin of quality street
open oven chuck in Turkey

( i may open bucks fizz first ....)

... then it's a nice breakfast ( a later one than normal as dinner so big ) ages to get dressed as everyone hyper before we even think about getting the veg ready - and that's if it's just us five, and there's usually many more for dinner.
So i say go with other suggestions to let your DC have a little lunch at Midday and then a lovely nap so you can all have a nice stress free Dinner together later - it's only one day, and let's face it if there's going to be a family row, better to be later in the day eh ?

Well....I would feed the baby at his regular time and put down for his nap. He will be on his usual schedule and not be fussy the rest of the time. You will all have the whole rest of the day to enjoy your baby's first Christmas.
That said, your mother is the hostess and has already agreed to eating early, so your brother should consider he is a guest and not to be demanding. He can have a light breakfast, I am sure there will be snacks at your parents house anyways.
I do understand him not feeling happy about a large meal so early, my husband is the same, however, he would not make waves, he'd join everyone and just nibble a bit.

You might find that your baby's routine goes a bit haywire with all the excitement, and so may not sleep when you think he will! I remember my 16mth old fell asleep before lunch was ready so we just let him sleep and he had his at around 2.45pm! Yet for months he would only start to get sleepy at 2pm or later.

I wouldn't expect others to change their timing of the meal, and would feed the baby separately, although he could join you at the table in a highchair if awake. The adult food may be too salty for him anyway.

I think that whoever is hosting gets to choose when everyone eats, it wouldn't kill DB to forgo his massive breakfast and eat lunch earlier, just as your baby won't care whether he eats his food when he's ready.

In someone else's house his routine will go haywire. Just go with the flow and fit in on the day. No need to over think first.

Obviously the other solution is to push it back further, get your mum to do the big meal at 4:30pm, then give your ds a sandwich at 11:45ish, then make Christmas lunch his tea. If your brother can last until 3pm he can wait another hour and half if you offer to bring some canapés to keep everyone going (or just agree this with your mum and dont tell him, let him get a bit hungry, he might be more inclined to agree to eat early next year)

It's definitely your Mums choice. Give DS his lunch when he would usually have it and hopefully he'll sleep normal times and wake up to have a pick at dinner. Don't sweat the small stuff op, it's one day.

Do people really get worked up about babies eating at an exact time every single day?!

Your baby's routine will be ballsed up by the long journey anyway so there is no point worrying about this. Let your mum choose when to serve the meal if she is the one cooking it, and tell your brother and husband to grow up.

And next year, host yourself! I'm cooking this year, turkey will be on the table at 1pm, if guests don't like it, they are welcome to cook in their own house. (ds will mean I'm awake at around 5am anyway, that's plenty of time to cook a lunch!!)

I like DontmindifIdo's suggestion. We usually eat around 7 pm anyways. However, if we are guests or having guests, who eat at different hours, which is most people, we fit in with them.

We (dh, ds - 8 months & me) are having Christmas with my parents & dsis. No idea when lunch will be. I imagine it'll be before it gets dark

We'll figure it out on the day and if DS gets hungry we will give him some finger food/milk.

Yabothbu. Christmas is about more than timetabling.

Gosh, DS1, now 9, hardly had a routine at this age. he was all over the shop and he thrived on it. Apart from trying to get him to bed at around 8pm, he would fit in with anything and seem quite happy. As long as we let him eat and sleep when he wanted to, he was fine.

It's only for one day OP, but maybe everyone's attitudes (including yours), not the baby's routine, is the problem.

The problem I found though, it's not seen as acceptable to just stick to the routine and give them something separate when extended family have this lovely idealised image of all the family sitting down together, eating a big meal together, so you feel pressured into trying to keep a sleepy baby awake and being good when they are past being hungry

Op, make it clear to your mum this won't happen, so she's not disappointed, it won't be nice for anyone if you let your baby get overtired and hungry.

I have 12 mo twins and we're going to PILs for Xmas dinner. It wouldn't even occur to me to ask what time they are planning to eat - we will just work around them and give snacks, sandwiches etc if lunch is going to be later.
I'm with your dbro, I much prefer to have a bacon sarnie for breakfast and then eat lunch later in the day.
So YABU on both counts!

It's a month away.
I'm not sure it's worth all the upset and bad feeling trying to get things planned round his current routine when by Christmas day it could be different. Throw in a seasonal cold and some teething and his routine could shift.

If it were me I'd want to have Christmas lunch between 1&3 to eat whilst dc naps. But. Maybe im selfish that I want to be able to relax & eat without fielding flying carrot.

You're being crazily PFB!

ds loves a big family meal he's 11 months old! He wouldn't care if you fed him out of a dog bowl!

12, for me, would be too early. Why can't you feed your ds at 12 and put him for a sleep while the adults eat? Then when he wakes up he can spend quality time with his grandparents instead being stuck at the table!

YA all BU

You can eat at 12 before baby naps. Or you can eat at 3 whhen baby wakes up. Or you can eat at 2 while baby is asleep, and get over this fantasy of all sitting around the table with DC in peace and harmony - it never happens like that!

How about you all eat whenever your DM has got the dinner ready and just be grateful?

Host decides, everyone else fits in. Thats what most people would do

As long as you know roughly when to expect lunch, you can work around it with the baby's snacks and nap. Your mum should go with whatever time suits her best.

OP, don't be so silly. Feed the baby when he/she is hungry. Put him in a highchair when you are all eating and give him a few things to play with or chew on if he isn't hungry then. Pass him round if he starts to fuss in the highchair, or put him down for a nap. Just don't expect six adults to dance to your baby's tune. Relax. Go with the flow. It'll be fine.

I would rather it at three.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask my mum to cook dinner at a certain time to be honest, I'd give the baby a meal at twelve and sit him at the table at three if he is awake and give him bits.

Your dh is being really daft saying he dosent want to go.

Not sure what your like but it's so annoying when your expected to follow a baby's routine I've had it with bil. Despite having my own baby!

So sorry. I should have said when he is hungry. Came over all equal opps-ish there!

Zennudist - I'd have the lunch whilst DC was asleep too (duck). In an ideal world I'd do DC lunch, put them down, then they wake up in time to have some christmas pud.

Kids just don't want to be trapped in a high chair for hours.........

In these sort of situations I just see what times the host wants to do, then fit. But equally I would not tell them I still plan to do DC lunch at 12, I would just get on and do it.

And actually, now that I have read your first post more carefully, OP, I think your DB is deliberately picking a fight with you.