about xmas lunch?(warning trivial!)

[fallingsun]

Dh and I have a 11mo ds. We are due to go to my parents for xmas, they live two hours away. Ds usually eats at 7am,12pm and 5pm, pretty typical for a baby I think...

So I asked dm if we could have Xmas lunch at c1pm as I knew 12 would be too early for the adults and wanted to consider everyone, I thought the adults would normally eat at around 2pm. Dm said that was fine, its only dh,ds, me, dm,df, and dbro and dsil coming. But now dbro has come back saying no, he wants to eat at 3 as that's what dsil and him do every Sunday! He says dh and I are being awkward by wanting to eat at 1 and can't a one year old be flexible and eat at three, dbro likes a big breakfast at 9 so 1 is far too early for him.

So dh has said to me that he doesn't want to go there anymore, ds usually naps from 1-3 so we were already being flexible by moving his lunchtime and he thinks dbro is trying to make a point by refusing to make allowances for our ds (dbro has no children).

Aibu to have asked to do lunch at 1?ds loves a big family meal and rarely gets it as dh is always working. Dh and I feel its a lot easier for adults to eat earlier than to make a baby eat later. Trivial I know, but it looks like a family rift is about to start and Christmas isn't even here yet, what do other parents do?

As others have said, surely it makes perfect sense to keep to his routine of lunch at 12, nap at 1-3, then wake to be happy to join in at lunch! He doesn't have to eat a full roast, just sit in his high chair beaming at everyone ;-)

I thought everyone ate at 3 at Christmas Does anyone actually watch the Queen's speech? I can't think of anything more dreary!

So you asked your mum for 1pm doesn't really matter why you asked she has agreed to this time. It is after all her house.

And now your brother has had a strop becuase he always has Sunday Lunch at 3pm?

What a complete and utter wanker.

On the basis that babies don't eat a lot anyway I'd say give ds lunch as normal at 12. Pop him to sleep as normal and have Christmas lunch for everyone at 3 which he can pick at.

PS - your bro is being awkward, but really this isn't something to create a big rift about.

You may well find your DS's routine gets a bit upset during the excitement of Christmas anyway tbh.

Cakebar, I upset MIL last year doing that, she really wanted ds at the table together and didn't like that I'd fed him earlier. thing is, she knew he normally ate earlier and she's witnessed the "I'm hungry!!!" melt downs before now, so I was surprised she hadn't realised I was going to have to feed him earlier than 3pm to stop him kicking off and being miserable at Christmas.

Op, look at delaying to make it tea time, wish I'd gone with that compromise last year (if we're at MILs next year I'll suggest that to keep the peace)

When DS1 was 12mo we went to my parents' for Christmans dinner on Christmas Eve evening. We usually ate at 5pm, I know we didn't that night, and I know it didn't make the slightest bit of difference to DS1, or DN who was 8mo.

Just go with the flow, you might find your DS sleeps all the way there in the car and doesn't nap anyway!

Oh and obviously your brother is being an arse

YABU

In my house people get dinner when they get it, if they want it served at a certain time they book a place at a resturant where they pay for the priveledge.

I'd make you all sodding wait. Lighten up all of you.

Any more demands and i'd tell you all to sort your own Christmas out and wonder how I raised such demanding and stroppy children

After spending the last three years being plonked next to a screaming baby for family meals, I must say, generally the only folk to not notice that their baby does not want to sit in a highchair for hours, and definitely does not want the grown-ups to be able to talk in a civilised fashion, are the parents of the baby. Extra ignorance and stupidity points are given for feeding the baby first, then putting it into a highchair and expecting it to sit and, what, nod sagely along with adult conversation? Provide wise opinions on current affairs? What does the baby ACTUALLY do? Look at me and scream, normally, for, ooh, about an hour. It has no toys or food or anything to play with. If it gurgles, we all have to stop and go Ooooooh!

Sometimes, people aren't all about the baby. Particularly if it is being raised as a PFB Celebrity Baby (that's my only experience unfortunately - see above - everything is The (Baby's Name) Experience, or The (Name) Festival as far as I've seen.)

Maybe your relatives would like to enjoy a grown-up meal that isn't about one 11-month old baby. I mean, there will be other people there, right? As well as the baby? And presumably, these other people are better conversationalists? Perhaps would like to celebrate with each other the joys of Christmas?

The year I had an 11 month old, she had her lunch at 12, she then went for her nap, and the rest of us had lunch whilst she was asleep, which meant we all actually got to enjoy the meal.

it's Christmas day - your 11 month old will cope with a variation of his day! This is indeed trivial and YABU to expect the meal times to be constructed around your baby, who could do things differently himself anyway (Fall asleep in car, not eat much all day etc)

Really this kind of thing would not even form a question in my mind, let alone have DP wanting to cancel going somewhere - very precious indeed :) Threats of a family rift? Then it's not trivial is it? Get over yourselves and go with the flow.

You are all (apart from your mother) being U. You are overthinking how big a problem this will be for your DS; just let him eat (something) when he's hungry and sleep when he's tired, and if he's awake for Christmas dinner he can either eat something or throw sprouts at your brother (you might want to get in some practice on this in advance...). Your brother is being a knob to insist that your mother serves dinner at 3pm in her own house because that's when he always has Sunday lunch. And your DH is indulging in dramatic flouncing with his not wanting to go there any more.

Good grief.

Your poor Mum.

You are being ridiculous in being so prescriptive and wanting everything to revolve around a baby,and refusing to stretch your routine on Christmas Day, your brother is being ridiculous by being so obdurate and wanting all his needs met, your DH ius being riduculous by saying he doesn't now wnat to go at all...

FWIW I think 12 is very very early for your Mum to have all the preparations ready, and if I had a family as rude and difficult you all are as guests I would have book myself into a nice spa hotel by myself.

What we do: when there were children aged 3 and over we had Christmas lunch at whatever time it appeared - strtessing over an exact schedule when you have so many dishes and a massive lunch on the go is silly and ruins the day - plenty for children to be distracted by and snack on.

When babies were teeny tiny we put them to bed and had Christmas Dinner in the evening. Your 11 month old is NOT aware of Christmas lunch.

Now all the kids are old enough we have Christmas Dinner oin the evening - more atmospheric by candlelight, all day to cok and have things cooking, can enjoy the day, eating goes on into a relaxed evening - the afternoon is spent enjoying presents etc. ou, your DB and your DH need to chill and just look forward to enjoying a fun family day, not compete with each other over timetables.

Apologise to your Mum for laying down such a strict timetable, ask her what would suit her best, and you and your brother agree to go happily and relaxedly with yur Mum's flow.

Y

I think YA both BU as others have said. The person cooking dinner gets to say when it's served. However, with young kids, it's worth explaining what that might mean ie that u might need to do your own thing and feed them separately if they're starving or overtired. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself too. If you have a stand off and make others change plans to fit your baby's routine, you might find yourself a but when your baby decides he doesn't want to eat, nap etc when you thought he would.

I've had this a bit with FIL who must always eat dinner no later than 6.30pm. As my kids have always gone to bed dead on 7, we always asked if it was possible to push things back 30 minutes so we could all eat in peace at 7 when the kids were asleep. He wasn't keen but after a few dinners with endless whining and screaming from overtired kids, he had a u-turn

Bit more understanding needed from everyone I think...

BTW Xmas lunch at twelve or even one is very early - too early for us who stuff ourselves with a lovely breakfast
Your B is being an over reactive knob, but I do agree 3 is a much better time to have the Xmas meal.

You really cannot expect your entire family's Christmas lunch to revolve around your baby

I would do as cakebar does. Give lunch at 12pm, put him to sleep (enjoy a nice adult lunch!) and then when he wakes up offer some of the lunch at the table or the pudding. 11 month olds don't eat much anyway do they?
YABU, and very PFB. It is only ONE day!!
Oh, but your dbro is being unreasonable too.

Do people really get worked up about babies eating at an exact time every single day?!

^this.

Feed the baby when he is hungry & let him sleep when he's tired? That's all I've ever done

I can't decide if YABU or not.

Yes I think you are being a bit precious - babies are very portable (and so is their food) so you could feed your son whenever he is hungry, wherever he is - it doesn't have to impact on everyone else's mealtimes. But on the other hand this is your first Christmas with your baby, so in some ways Christmas will revolve around him and fair enough! So IMO your Bro is being a snotty arse in being so completely stuck on 'needing' his meal at 3.

If I were your poor mum (who is doing all the work after all!) I would tell you all that she is going to compromise and do the meal at 2. And if anyone doesn't like it they can stay at home and have beans on toast

Dontmind - I like your idea, I will ask dm what time she'd like lunch and also whether a later lunch would work for her.

I appreciate the world doesn't revolve around my baby but I tend to move his routine by around an hour or so either way, hence suggesting lunch at 1. When I've moved it much more than that, he tends to get worked up and it makes my life quite stressful, I'd like a happy compromise if at all possible.

I would also be happy to feed him at 12 and then he can have some more at 3, but as many have pointed out, his routine may be haywire at Christmas so he may not be awake at 3. I do feel like my brother is trying to be uncompromising on purpose here, perhaps he doesn't like that he's not the baby of the family anymore so not enough fuss over him

Btw, I don't think your dh is being a drama queen not wanting to go, clearly you and your brother are spoiling for a fight, whoever wins this one they'll be snippy comments, I bet the idea of a peaceful Christmas at home rather appeals to him right now...

yes & apologise to you poor mum & thank her for hosting you - your brother may see the light & stop acting like a twat or he may not; you don't have join in though.

Aw, I can see why you'd be upset. It's your baby's first Christmas and you want things to be right for him. Also, when they're in a routine with eating they can get all crotchety if something happens to disturb it.

But, there is a way round this and I would agree with the people who say to give him something to eat at 12 and then see if he will nap until the sit-down meal. Just take some sandwiches and fruit with you and see how it goes.

What time does your mother want to serve the food?

\ok please dont think the world revolves around your baby dont go into that,

I know you have her into her routine but it is Christmas she needs to fit in her dad isn't going to go out because of a nap sorry that reminds me of the catherine tate sketch where they go for dinner at friends and eat it in the car cos the baby is asleep

dont let 1 little person rule your life or they will do it forever you wont be able to go anywhere because they have x y or z
take your baby to christmas dinner feed the baby let her nap and enjoy you r day honestly if your husband is that uptight go yourself ,

sorry my post was littered with she when i should have said he