about xmas lunch?(warning trivial!)

[fallingsun]

Dh and I have a 11mo ds. We are due to go to my parents for xmas, they live two hours away. Ds usually eats at 7am,12pm and 5pm, pretty typical for a baby I think...

So I asked dm if we could have Xmas lunch at c1pm as I knew 12 would be too early for the adults and wanted to consider everyone, I thought the adults would normally eat at around 2pm. Dm said that was fine, its only dh,ds, me, dm,df, and dbro and dsil coming. But now dbro has come back saying no, he wants to eat at 3 as that's what dsil and him do every Sunday! He says dh and I are being awkward by wanting to eat at 1 and can't a one year old be flexible and eat at three, dbro likes a big breakfast at 9 so 1 is far too early for him.

So dh has said to me that he doesn't want to go there anymore, ds usually naps from 1-3 so we were already being flexible by moving his lunchtime and he thinks dbro is trying to make a point by refusing to make allowances for our ds (dbro has no children).

Aibu to have asked to do lunch at 1?ds loves a big family meal and rarely gets it as dh is always working. Dh and I feel its a lot easier for adults to eat earlier than to make a baby eat later. Trivial I know, but it looks like a family rift is about to start and Christmas isn't even here yet, what do other parents do?

I can't even remember when we ate Christmas dinner while the kids were small, or if they were awake or not.

It Truely doesn't matter op. stop stressing.

Just feed him a small lunch at 12 and he can have more at 3 when he wakes up.

If he is late waking a) it probably won't matter as Xmas lunch won't be ready on time and b) you can enjoy a bit of uninterrupted food before he's up.

my ds had your nap schedule, 1-3 like clockwork. I'd support what others here have said, give him a lite lunch at noon, put him down for nap at 1, wake him for main course! that'd be my ideal. Your ideal of having lunch at his normal nap time sounds madness! you'll just have a crotchety hungry baby wondering why his luncht is late, and wanting to be asleep. My inlaws have their christmas dinner at 1. I'd love them to move it to 3

I think your brother is being deliberately awkward and your dh appears to have joined in the general childishness with his unhelpful suggestion that you don't visit at all. Nobody seems to have thought much about your mother who is hosting the meal yet seems to be expected to dance around the guests as they indulge in a bickering fest.

At 11 months, your ds will have no idea at all that it is Christmas. Nice as the idea is, in theory, a family lunch rapidly loses any magic if an over-tired baby is kept unfed past usual mealtimes or the rest of the guests are facing an unsatisfactory compromise. So feed your ds at 12 and if he is tired, let him have his usual nap. The rest of you then enjoy Christmas lunch at the time that suits your mother. If he's awake, let him sit in his highchair with you and give him a toy/drink/some finger food to entertain himself with.

Dgd was 11 months old last Christmas. She had a lovely day. Not that she had a clue that it was Christmas. There were 10 of us around ds2 and ddil's dinner table but the meal was served when it was convenient to our hosts. Dgd had her lunch well before us, had her nap and by the time we sat down was quite happy to sit at the table in her high chair exploring the glorious squidginess that is a pulverised brussel sprout. She'll be a few days off 2 this year and yes, will be much more aware of Christmas. But we still won't be timing everything around her and serving lunch ridiculously early.

I have a pretty strict schedual with my 16 month old when we are home alone If we are out/ill/busy/celebrating or just plain stressed it all goes out the window. Just bring a blanket so they can sleep, nibbles and drink incase they get peckish and eat dinner whenever the hell your Mum feels like serving it.
I really don't understand this obsession with forcing babies to follow traditions. It is nice for the adults/ photographs if the kid goes along with sitting serenely at the dinner table with a hat on but believe me The babies don't care! I for one will be crossing my fingers he'll sleep through the whole thing again this year

YABU

What time does your Mum want to do lunch? If she's happy enough with 3 then it's at 3.

As others have said, that's perfect anyway? Your LO eats and naps at normal times and will then be on good form for some/all of your meal. He will have no idea what is going on so lunch should not be planned around him.

Your brother and dh don't sound like they're being very grown up about this either though......

Your brother sounds an arse. BUT stop stressing about it, really. As others have said it could be all change on the day as normal business will be suspended. Last year DS (then 6 months) ended up with 2 dinners as I fed him before we ate, thinking he'd nap during our dinner but he didnt and wanted some of mine too. He ate so much I'm surprised he didnt burst! Slept like a log all night tho!

DD on the other hand (5 now) never eats much at christmas or any other day that there's loads going on as she's too busy getting herself worked up into a frenzy of excitement! Your DS is just a baby. He wont remember his first christmas so why make such a fuss about timetables and when everyone eats? Let your mum decide when to do dinner. Not you, your DH or your brother. In the meantime, dress your DS in a cute christmas outfit and get lots of pictures of him having a nice time on a special day

Although your brother is being a selfish twat, go along with eat, feed ds 12ish, let him have his nap, hopefully he will either wake up bright and cheerful for mire food, or sleep through so you get to eat in peace

Are you travelling to your parents' house on Christmas Day? If you are travelling for 2 hours, is it not possible your DS will have slept then and his schedule may be all out of the window anyway? I had a routine with my DD when she was younger because she thrived off that (and still does now at nearly 6 but we can explain to her now that she has to go with the flow!) but i found that on special days it usually didn't get stuck to very much. I don't think it's worth a falling out over. Agree that Christmas Dinner is usually later than planned, babies don't normally do what they're supposed to as they have been overstimulated by all the activity/relatives fussing etc. I think you have to try not to even guess what will happen and certainly don't allow it to spoil the day.