...to start moaning mn career mums - the sequel..

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

... because the old one filled up before I could say this to HoneyDragon:

HoneyDragon - despite the home-made shepherds pie evidence to the contrary, I am a bloddy neglectful parent too. I haven't immaced my children or dyed them blue, but I did let ds1 eat tortilla chips out of the bin, because it had stopped him tantrumming, and I didn't want him to start again. Oh, and he got stuck in the catflap once, and I didn't realise straight away.

[Plomino]

Can I join in , and confess that I once knocked DS4 clean out of the back door , down two steps and onto the patio after I backed into him with a (can't believe I'm confessing to using one ) Hoover ?

Due the second trip to a and e in a week . He'd already been there once for running into the bannister at the bottom of the stairs and giving himself an egg sized lump .

[NellyBluth]

What's back carrying?

The very first day we had DD at home after a short stay in NICU, I managed to give her a healthy bruise by trying to brush my hair while holding her and twatting her on the forehead with the hairbrush.

BTW, the original thread was absolutely bloody hilarious. As a non-married, f/t working mum who keeps her income separate from her DP, I couldn't stop laughing. My poor, poor baby. She is certainly not blessed...

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I put so much blue food colouring into the icing for a joint birthday cake (a space rocket on a dark blue background) that they all did bright green poo!

And the very fact that it was a joint cake, for a joint party for all three of them, has to be pretty neglectful - ie. I couldn't face doing three parties year.

[PacificDogwood]

KungFu, the Hair dye boy thread went poof?? Really? .
I had not even realised. It was bad, mind, but I enjoyed your research if it is any consolation.

Nelly, back carrying is when you carry a baby on your back in a sling. It involves a Santa-swings-his-sack-on-his-back kind of technique that people of a nervous disposition and a morbid imagination find alarming. I cannot think why...
It is actually v easy and as others have said, even easier with a tiny little person because they lie still once landed on mums back and don't wriggle around.

[Kalisi]

My Dad once slammed the car door on my sisters fingers. Thinking the door had jammed on something he opened it and shut the door on her fingers again completely oblivious to her screams!
I'm the clumsiest parent imaginable and now I know where I got it from
My sis was fine btw.

[PacificDogwood]

SDTG (I too still say your whole name in my head, because otherwise I get the capital letters in the wrong order), I am very guilty of the joint birthday party approach - all 4 of mine are born in the same month; 2 of them on the same day 6 years apart. Yes, I am amazing at scheduling things. But no, we do do it more than once a year .
Food dye is evil. Trufact.

[HoneyDragon]

Kalisi

My Mum did that to me when I was 38 weeks with ds

Then sat in the car crying hysterically whilst I patted her ineffectually with my buggered hand.

She cheered up when she got her DGS in her hands the next day. What with setting off my labour!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I have to stop and check that I have my initials in the right order, Pacific. But I can't name change to something similar, because I wouldn't feel like me any more. What a numpty, eh!

[PacificDogwood]

You could go as Genius - it has a certain ring to it.

I feel I need a namechange for privacy reasons, but cannot think of anything that would feel like 'me', I totally know what you mean. Nuts!

[TandB]

Pacific - it was the WOH/SAHM bunfight thread, not the hairdye one. The hairdye one was the one on which I indulged in a spot of light Latvian which I expect everyone thought was secretly rude and insulting, but actually meant "I speak a little Latvian, MNHQ, but my grammar and spelling are crap."

Can we add some bad driving stories as well as bad parenting ones?

I took some tiny back lanes today to avoid horrendous traffic jam on the way to a doctor's appointment. I vaguely know this stretch of the lanes and was therefore watching out for a left turn. Unfortunately, the stop sign has disappeared at the crossroads where I turn left, and the road is so muddy that you can't see the white lines so I hurtled merrily clean across the crossroads without stopping, screeching to a halt with a scream when I realised. Fortunately these lanes are generally fairly empty.....

[verlainechasedrimbauds]

Friends were in rented property with young children. The garden was steep and terraced. On the first day there, father was holding baby, mother spotted exploring toddler heading for edge of terrace and asked father to go out and stop him falling over the edge. She stood at the window and watched open mouthed as father walked towards toddler, slipped, drop-kicked toddler over the edge of terrace and threw baby up in to the air (fortunately catching said baby on its return to earth). Toddler was fine apparently but both parents required medicinal brandy.

[PacificDogwood]

kungfu (do you insist on not capitalising your name to annoy Chaos btw?), thanks. I went and checked and Hair dye boy is still there, but has thankfully died a death. Phew! It was not pretty.

Sounds like I was right not to have looked at the original Career MN mums thread...

Bad driving?? Hm... reversing out of the garage with tailgate open, thereby ruining tailgate AND garage?
Driving on the wrong side of the road when I first moved to Britain?
Getting car (with trailer full off timber) stuck in mud with my efforts trying to get out resulting in the car being burried up to its axles, necessitating a frigging tractor to pull us out?
No, I cannot think of any such occasions...

[PacificDogwood]

verlaine, that's ACE!!

[pointythings]

To all those people whose DCs are able to iron - sorry, you do not qualify for the shite mothers club.

I used our iron a little while ago. To melt some spilled candlewax and soak it into some kitchen towel. It does not know what clothes are.

I allowed DD1 to launch herself out of her high chair in a fit of mad eagerness to do some toddling, and she fell out and hit the sideboard. The black eye was amazing.

DD2 had a swallowing coins phase. DH got very good at dismembering unusually heavy poos that would not flush. Hey, a pound is a pound, right? Theyd on't hafl go a funny colour, though.

We've had blue poo, glitter poo and the amazing cod-and-spinach poo (that last one goes on the list of 'Unbelievably Heroic Nappy Changes' because it was a washable nappy and we took it home and washed it instead of selling it to some foreign dictator to use as chemical warfare.

[ShakiestDude]

I put my ds in his swinging chair thing at 5 months old, we had used it loads.

I thought this was a good opportunity to have a quick wee in peace as ds was strapped in all safe. He chose the exact moment, when you are mid pee at the point of no return, when you couldn't stop if your ds life depended on it, to decide he could reach forward and tip the whole bastard thing up. He landed on his head, the chair landed in the garage, never to be seen again

[ShakiestDude]

I don't even know where my iron is, I pay my ironing fairy £12 a week to do my ironing. I love her

[colleysmill]

Honestly please don't worry about anything you've confessed.

My lovely MIL (and she is lovely) was driving home one day. She didn't realise that dh ( about 5 at the time) had opened the car door and fallen out (nb this was the 70's so no safety anything) despite his dsis shouting "jacks fallen out the car!" . She didn't actually realise until she got home half a mile away.

They drove back and dh was just sat on the roadside waiting for them. Poor poor MIL has never lived it down.

And that's why we have child locks in modern cars

[OhDearNigel]

Can I share my snarky text to DH the other morning when he kept texting me about various nursery-uniform related trivia.

"I am very busy at work. I do not have time to spare to think about the minutaeae of DD's nursery outfit. Can you please stop bothering me"

I am a heartless bitch on wheels, me

[ThatVikRinA22]

i clicked this thread with trepidation.....but am at it now despite not ever having turned either one of my DC blue, losing them or otherwise doing them a damage.

there is still time.

[BettySuarez]

Please may I join?

I once woke up late on a school morning feeling slightly hungover worse for wear and realised that I could only find enough clean uniform for 75% of my brood. So I had to convince my eldest that she wasn't well that day. I expected her to be but instead she was

[takataka]

colleys that reminds me of a tale my dad tells me...

My mum came out of shop to find I was not where she had left me in my pushchair (70s again-ok to leave kids outside shops). Ran around for a bit, talked to shop keepers, rang police.....then realised she hadn't brought me with her. I was still sat in my pushchair in the hallway at home..

[WilsonFrickett]

DS's nursery called my mobile when I was in the middle of a teleconference. I was chairing, so put them on mute to answer the mobile.

Nursery: hello Wilson, just to let you know Wilson Jr has a temp of 40 degrees.
Me (puzzled): thank you for telling me that. Why are you calling?
Nursery: can you come and get him?
Me: yes, eventually. Thank you for calling.

Half an hour later, meandering towards the bus, it struck me that 40 was very high. It was equal to almost 100, according to my phone. I got a taxi. And blamed school for not teaching me the difference between metric and imperial.

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

HERE you are! I've been waiting for a thread like this

My kids constantly look grubbier than Worzel fucking gummage - my mum is constantly berating me for not wiping then up every fricking second

DS crawled off a 4ft high sofa onto a concrete floor right on his noggin

DD is often to be found. With her grubby hands down a toilet bowl, trying to scoop water into her mouth (boak)

Both children are having leftover birthday cake for breakfast at the moment

I do not own an iron (but quite like the idea of an ironing fairy!)

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

Er....got so drunk at a friends BBQ that I promptly threw up everywhere abc DH had to take me home - but we didn't have a car so we walked and I had to use the buggy, which DS was placidly sleeping in, to keep myself upright. I was in bed by 9pm

DBro arranged a farewell drinks thing at a pizza restaurant and bar near me so I could stay as long as DS would let me. We all meet at 5pm. Somewhere around 8pm DS takes himself to his buggy (aged about 22months) and puts himself to bed in the corner of the beer garden. 11pm I am asked to leave as bar staff have spotted little feet sticking out of the covered buggy in a dark corner, and their licence for minors ran out 3hours previously. Cue drunk walk home using buggy as a prop (but of an ongoing theme)

[WilsonFrickett]

The first mumsnet thread I ever read involved The Benign Parenting School and a story where a MNer had been bf at night, the baby had rolled off and halfway down the bed. Half waking up a bit later, the MNer thought the cat was lying on her feet so flicked them up to dislodge the cat. Which was the baby. Which flew threw the air in a most satisfying manner.

I had found my home