...to start moaning mn career mums - the sequel..

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

... because the old one filled up before I could say this to HoneyDragon:

HoneyDragon - despite the home-made shepherds pie evidence to the contrary, I am a bloddy neglectful parent too. I haven't immaced my children or dyed them blue, but I did let ds1 eat tortilla chips out of the bin, because it had stopped him tantrumming, and I didn't want him to start again. Oh, and he got stuck in the catflap once, and I didn't realise straight away.

[TandB]

I've back-carried both of mine. I have smacked both their heads on doorframes.

With DS1 it was coming out of Starbucks and it seemed a good response to the horrified stares to announce cheerfully "It's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last".

With DS2 it wasn't tecnically my fault. I was on my way out of a changing room at DS1's gym class and the woman coming the other way decided to was easier for me to reverse myself and a 3 year-old back through 2 sets of doors than it was for her to just wait for about 3 seconds. And then the mardy-faced cowbag got all jufgemental when I belted DS2 on the doorframe.

So I pointed out it had happened to DS1 loads of times.

That helped.

[MurderOfGoths]

I think honeydragon is my new idol

[MurderOfGoths]

Iron, what the bloody hell is one of those?!

[Northernlurker]

Oh somebody - you simply aren't a mother till you've dropped, sat on or otherwise damaged the baby. My own mother left me on the changing table aged 1 week and I was so cross (wanted to feed) that I managed to flip myself off and on to the floor (narrowly missing falling in to the bucket of napisan) This led to my father getting a phone call at work saying 'your wife says to come home. It's the baby' and for him to rush home from work and go upstairs in his work boots (unheard of) I had a friend at school whose mother was taking her to her work to show her off (also aged 1 week) and she slipped on some snow and dropped the pfb on the bonnet of the car! I also know somebody who flipped their dc out of a moses basket whilst carrying it and somebody else whose child got a skull fracture from being dropped whilst going downstairs (baby was fine in the end)

[HoneyDragon]

Kungfu I back carry. It alarms people like Jenna when theyare small when they realise you get them up there by swinging them round and hoping they stick long enough to tie on

[Northernlurker]

And I myself tripped whilst putting dd1 in the pushchair and fell forwards smacking dd1's precious head on the bar underneath a nearby chair. Leading to a cut and bruise and running round to nearby A&E in the most unglued state I've ever been in.....

[KatieScarlett2833]

At least we earn enough to pay for DC future therapy needs.

[takataka]

i borrowed this off a friend....

she let her 6 year old flip a pancake by himself. he flipped it up out of the sizzling flying pan into the air, and it landed on his joyful up turned face!

[TandB]

Honeydragon - have you ever done it with a teeny-tiny baby? People get almost hysterical with judginess!

I back-carried DS2 for DS1's gym classes from 5 days old and every single week the same people would lurch towards me with arms outstretched and looks of utter horror. They didn't seem convinced when I pointed out that it was actually easier when they are tiny, as they just lie there and don't wriggle about!

[GrimAndHumourlessAndEven]

ROAR at pancake boy (poor thing)

[HoneyDragon]

Ds I did as I had a csection so it was more comfy. Dd was a winter baby so went in the fleecy peanut shell.

[TandB]

To be fair I've never dropped a baby off my back yet.

I have however:

Tipped one out of a pram (DS1)
Let one slide of my lap at 2 weeks old (DS1)
Dropped one down the stairs (DS2)
Let one roll off the sofa (DS2)
Bashed one's head off the low roof in a car-park while lifting him out of the sling and going "Woooh" to make him laugh (DS2)

Do I win?

[takataka]

grim it makes me lol everytime i think of it!

she filled up the kitchen sink with cold water and stuck his head in, to stop it burning!!

[Fenton]

I've just caught up with that now full thread and was about to start a thread in honour of Honeydragon. I thought for a bit thinking that someone had probably beaten me to it, - thank you STDG - great minds think alike, eh?

I know mine is just a bit slower than STDG's - well, over an hour slower if we're going to be picky

Anyway I shall repost HoneyDragon's post of the, well... year actually:-

--------

Whoaaaah there

Who the hell says if you a Sahp you have to be good at it?

I immaced the baby, dyed her blue and only last month accidentially balded her....again.
My dogs brain is fucked.
Ds reduced his teacher to a hysterical wreck in the supplies cupboard after he called a TA misogynistic. I haven't ironed properly since the nineties and my house is literally falling apart.
Oh and I said shit in the school play ground last week.

I'll have you ALL know I am a shit employee and parent, thank you!

---------


We love you, HoneyDragon, - you instantly turned that thread into the utter joke it was.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Great minds indeed, Fenton - we has 'em!

[colleysmill]

Missed the first thread - how do you qualify for this thread?

[PacificDogwood]

Oh, this is a Shite Mothers Club - may I join??

I was so intimidated by the thread title of the last one, I did not even open it. In case I felt inferior or got The Rage by reading about all these lying perfect mums.

Benign neglect is the Only Way with 4 darling offspring IMO. And working. And stopping a house from falling down around our ears.

No ironing here - I too have perfected the art of '5 minutes in tumble dryer, shake that has to crack like a whip and haning up tidily'. DH does his own shirts.
Cheese strings, fruitshoots and sausage rolls all in regular evidence here.
DCs parked in front of screens - tick

I bake my own bread - from Lidl breadmix in a breadmaker. Takes far less time than going to the shops to buy bread .

I dropped preemie DS2 on his head in a sleep-befuddled state - he seems no more damaged than the undropped children.

I think benign neglect is what prepares children for when they have to fend for themselves...

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

How on earth did I miss the first thread? Finally somewhere I feel at home

DH and I are firm adherents to the Benign Neglect School of Parenting.

Started when DD1 was couple of weeks old and I dropped her in her car seat, slid down, hit side table, flipped overhand she landed upside down. Have forgotten to collect both DDs on several occasions. Send them to school with the wrong kit. Never iron. Have a lie in every single weekend now that they know how to turn on the TV and computer and fix some breakfast.

[PacificDogwood]

I wrote my post about an hour ago before the madness that is bedtime here distracted me.

I bet pancake boy is an expert pancake flipper by now....

I have to admit to get very judgy when a nursery teacher lets slip that many of the preschoolers don't know how to use scissors because 'they are not allowed to use them at home'.
I also judge our neighbour who always collects his 12 year, soon to go to the big school, daughter from the local school which is a 10min walk away, no roads to cross without a Pelican crossing and/or lollipol person.
I judge people who baby-proof their homes to the point where nobody can access a socket or open/close a door.

I suppose all this judging makes me feel better about all the things they are horrified about me doing .

Maybe there should be a seperate thread for the Honeydragon Fan Club??
I do lurvve you too, you know

[PacificDogwood]

kungfupanda, head smacking against doorframes only counts if results in visible bruise/cut and/or fracture, sorry.

There IS the alarming story of my best friend whose 8 month old rolled off a futon bed, bumped her head, cried, was easily consoled and behaved normally all day. Until hours later her mother felt the depressed skull fracture... Baby now 15 and none the worse of a bit of open-skull surgery .

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Both of my children fell down the stairs as toddlers. I hung a heavy basket on the back of the buggy in the supermarket unfortunately the basket was heavier than DS1, physics took over and the buggy tipped over backwards.

I have found if I lie in long enough on the weekend sometimes the boys bring me breakfast in bed (I'm training them well).

[Proudnscary]

WHAT WAS THE THREAD?

I once played a rather overly exuberant game of pushing the baby's buggy and letting it go. It went something like: 'one...two...three...wheeeeee!!...FUUUUCK!!!!!!' as he plunged into the middle of the road as I hadn't strapped him in. I may or may not have had a G&T that lunchtime.

[gordyslovesheep]

I had a sling for DD3 trying to be a bit 'earth mummy' but due to my tiny size all I did was band her head onto the kitchen work surfaces and dining table - repeatedly - oh and the sink when brushing my teeth

dd2 fell from top to bottom of the stairs aged 10 months

dd1 fell backwards onto a marble fireplace twice ...in 1 day

[growingbytheday]

I think there might be something about the colour blue........

Didn't notice DD eating a toilet block until another shopper pointed it out-DD screamed when I took it off her-I screamed when I saw her blue mouth, tongue and hands. Mad, wild eyed rush to A&E -DD had her mouth washed while whimpered. No ill effects but some very interesting nappies after.
I think I have found my home

[EasilyBored]

DS was in the jumperoo, half having a good old bounce, half having a bit of a whine. Whining overtook, when I eventually tore myself away from the internet I found that it was because the cat was sat under the jumperoo trying to chew the baby's feet.

DS is perpetually covered in bruises and scrapes (he likes to crawl at speed, or lurch into anything pointy, hard, or sharp), to the point where when someone asked me how he got the MASSIVE bruise on his forehead, I honestly didn't have a clue/didn't remember him doing it.


Um, can I have some more details on how you immaced a baby, honeydragon?