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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Moaning mn career mums.Yes you...

999 replies

Jenna2012 · 26/11/2012 23:01

Been reading various threads on mn with interest for several weeks now.why do u ladies feel do pessimistic about ur work life balance and compete with the ' oh poor me title'. If you want a better quality of life, surely u can downsize and have less financial Responsibilty and then look after ur dc yourself instead of paying others to look after them. I just don't get why you have kids unless you wanna love And look them yourself. This doesnt apply to single parents.is the financial gain worth it?

OP posts:
PessimisticMissPiggy · 26/11/2012 23:54

kickass you're a lucky lady

Original poster
Jenna2012 · 26/11/2012 23:54

Kewcumber, at what point have I said you must do as I please??? I'm merely asking for others opinions on why they choose work life over raising their own flesh and blood, particularly if the are able to raise them themselves.

OP posts:
ATourchOfInsanity · 26/11/2012 23:54

Damn, tenner to whoever it was said evangelical earlier on...

HanSolo · 26/11/2012 23:54

Thou shalt not use txtspk on MN- it says so in talk etiquette.

Now- this may blow your mind, but- my children come home from school to a beautiful, clean home, and eat home-cooked food daily, served to them by their married, loving parents who both work.

It's not that hard, really.

And I'm not in the least bit ambitious, nor is DH tbh.

RandallPinkFloyd · 26/11/2012 23:55

Damn it, I missed the bit about LP's not being allowed to play Sad

(Anyway I work part-time so that would probably blow your mind.)

IAmSoFuckingRock · 26/11/2012 23:55

having a clean home and making food is not an acheivement. it's just what you do. it's what everyone does. i've done that whilst raising a child and working, whilst being a single parent. it's just life.

ceeveebee · 26/11/2012 23:55

Jenna, its not wrong if you decide you don't want a career but its equally not wrong for others to want to continue working.

I didn't study for years to learn how to have a beautiful clean home and prepare homecooked meals. Although I do also have these things, I pay someone else to do them for me while I do what I am good at.

tearypanic · 26/11/2012 23:56

I'm trying to write an essay. Can this thread go bang already.

I need excitement quickly then sssssh.

Devora · 26/11/2012 23:56

My mum left school at 16, had three children by her early 20s and was then abandoned. She raised us on benefits till her dole got cut when I was 7 because she was having a relationship (assumption that he was supporting us; he wasn't).

She started working, then studying, then built a career. Now in her 70s, she is still doing consultancy work. Relationships never really worked out for her, but she has had a lifelong romance with work. She LOVES it. She had a rough childhood, a pretty shitty young life, and then found this fabulous thing that she could do really well, that gave her status and contact with people who respected and valued her and, yes, finally an end to a lifetime of grinding poverty.

That's not been my relationship with work - I do like it, but I don't love it, and would certainly give it up if I won the Lottery - but I do want to assert that women shouldn't have to justify working because they need the money. Most of us do need the money, but what the hell is wrong with wanting time away from your kids, in adult space, doing something that interests you and is worthwhile?

Kewcumber · 26/11/2012 23:56

Randall - I'm ignoring the opt-out for single parents - I'm not sure if that means that single parent should work or are just allowed to work?

Original poster
Jenna2012 · 26/11/2012 23:56

Kewcumber, I'm so sorry to hear that about your father.

Also plz I'm not being smug which is why I said ' I'm blessed' Apposed to look what I've got.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 26/11/2012 23:57

actually, i think if an adult wants to be a ft parent, let them, if they can do that financially.

there is a LOT wrong with asking a question in a way which is worded as an insult, then to play the disingenius 'but I was only asking' card. It's rude, manipulative and down-right cowardly.

Anyway - shouldn't Jenna be hopping off to bed to spend time with her supportive hubby before getting up to make bubba a lovely nutritious breakfast?

Oh - forgot to add. I have a small business I run as well. Stupid me! I have 2 jobs and forgot about one of them. Good thing I don't have 2 kids. Imagine what would happen!

EricNorthmansFangBanger · 26/11/2012 23:58

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HoneyDragon · 26/11/2012 23:58

What? We're supposed to be raging at SAHMs? Okey Dokey.

Take that you lazy arse!

JojoLapin · 26/11/2012 23:58

I have a good friend who was like you a lovely, perfect housewife. Following her v succesful husband to a new country every 3 years. Last year, he dumped her. It turns out he had had a string of affairs with colleagues (because, his words: "they were so smart, so exciting"). My friend is v intelligent but her stepford wife world collapse beneath her and she is now pretty lost. She is well educated but has not worked in 15 years. Tough to find something decent...

Original poster
Jenna2012 · 26/11/2012 23:58

YoBeale seem to be sidelining my question about the children coming second.

OP posts:
Devora · 26/11/2012 23:59

Jenna, nobody started a thread on MN to tell you you are wrong.

You started a thread and told us we are wrong.

Perhaps stop protesting like an injured innocent and tell us what you really want to know? Or did you just want to tell us we are very naughty girls?

PessimisticMissPiggy · 26/11/2012 23:59

raising their own flesh and blood?

Ah, seriously love. Do one.

It takes a village to raise a child. I just so happen to make sure that I employ paid professionals to assist me to give my child a well rounded start in life. I bet you use cbeebies as a babysitter.

GrimAndHumourlessAndEven · 27/11/2012 00:00

how can you say children come second? could you expand on this, please

Jenna2012 · 27/11/2012 00:00

This reply has been deleted

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EduCated · 27/11/2012 00:01

Because its a fucking insulting and ridiculous question.

And I dont even have any sodding kids.

Morloth · 27/11/2012 00:02

It really is very sad for my children. Very sad.

Fortunately though, we will be able to afford the therapy for the trauma caused by living in a home with two parents who love them, eating quality food, sleeping in a comfy clean bed, in a safe nice house, in a pleasant suburb and going on great holidays twice a year.

Very sad. It really is heartbreaking for my two wealthy, conventionally attractive, white boys from a stable home - what possibly chance could they have in the world with the deck so stacked against them...oh wait...

Really OP? Really?

Kleptronic · 27/11/2012 00:02

This argument is a false dichotomy.

HoneyDragon · 27/11/2012 00:02

I don't think Eric feels particularly challenged Wink

Devora · 27/11/2012 00:02

Well, it's your construction about children coming second.

But ok, why do I put my children after funding my hedonistic lifestyle? Well, they do get in the way rather, all that mewing and whining while I"m trying to enjoy a full body massage while a nubile youth feeds me bonbons dipped in champagne.

That suit you?