Moaning mn career mums.Yes you...

[Jenna2012]

Been reading various threads on mn with interest for several weeks now.why do u ladies feel do pessimistic about ur work life balance and compete with the ' oh poor me title'. If you want a better quality of life, surely u can downsize and have less financial Responsibilty and then look after ur dc yourself instead of paying others to look after them. I just don't get why you have kids unless you wanna love And look them yourself. This doesnt apply to single parents.is the financial gain worth it?

For the record, I just want to make it clear that I wasn't insinuating Jenna's mum was miserable because she had no career and was a SAHM. Hope it didn't come across like that.

I had a friend with a critical and overbearing mother when I was growing up, and I think that my friend's mother was mean and miserable not because she was a 'housewife', but simply because she was a very intelligent woman and had nobody, essentially, to talk to. There was no community for her,she had no hobbies that she could pursue, there was no way she could study part-time online - her brain needed an outlet. She had no privacy because she had no self anymore. And she was jealous of her children and their freedom.

SAHPs these days are, IMO, lucky to have the internet and sites like MN, where they can find discussion, information, conversation. Plus, in RL, there are coffee groups and peer-to-peer support groups. Parenting is hard, but at least these days it's possible to have a tiny break a couple of times a day and go on MN or have a quick chat and moan to a fellow parent without feeling like you're a terrible parent. You don't have to be all shiny happy Stepford Wife or Brilliant Dad all of the time because life simply IS NOT LIKE THAT. Do you see what I am saying, OP? What do you do for yourself outside of the cooking and cleaning and educating of your family? Do you like to read? Play sport? What do you do to retain your sense of self?

I am fully aware that the posts I'm referring to have been intended for Jenna and her ridiculous notions.

However they will be hurtful to other SAHMs.

MaryZ I'm talking about references to being a WOHM because of self-respect for example.

I'm not having a go at the poster who said it but rather, I'm saying that this sort of thing WILL be insulting and offensive to SAHMs whether you meant it to be or not!

A child needs to be raised by their parent if possible. If that's not possible due to financial restrictions obviously you both have to work, or reduce living costs so one of you can work and the other raise the child. It's not rocket science is it.

Someone asked, if they were stressed out at home, should parent work. , well believe it or not I did get some Pnd, so worked very part time whilst my dd went to nursery for a few mornings a week. It did me good but as soon as I felt better I returned to being a sahm.

exactly. you cant have it both ways, either childcare is going to damage children or it isnt.

you know, we are supposed to teach our children they can achieve whatever they put their mind to, to show them the whole world is out there for them. That they can have a career or they can choose to stay at home when they become parents. Are you teaching your daughter that?

I still love my child even though I go to work

anyway,after all is said and done,your daughters will still hate their mother....it is taught as a course by feminists at univrsities.

A child needs to be raised by their parent if possible.

So, not a mother at home? Just a parent? You've changed your tune...

I don't even think I cba with this thread.

OP if you are real then why in gods name did you think it was a good idea to start such a hurtful thread when you've just joined a forum?

You normally say hello and chat inanely for a while.

Ah I thought that didnt make much sense. You've copied a pm into the previous post. Might want to get that deleted then

Jenna, you were very lucky to be able to that. But to go back to my question, how does sending a child to school fit in eith your idea of child rearing? I.e., does raising a child mean being in the same room as them? What does 'raising a child' mean to you?

I work because I worry that staying at home full-time would have a dreadful effect on my spelling, grammar and command of the written word.

Has Xenia been on?

and with this I call BULLSHIT on this thread.

"I would like my child to be well educated.

Yes I was born and bread in the uk "

Not sure you are the best person to be providing that education judging by your posts on this thread.

OP Neglecting your children to MN? You should be ashamed of yourself, now get back in the kitchen

I think I may have found my dissertation subject :)

I'm a sahm but please don't count me in the same category as J

Actually I'm self employed as a childminder, and I do have huge respect for parents who have careers. I respect them and support them as much as I can as a childminder.

I left my job because I hated it and being at home with my kids and other kids is what I want and choose to do (for now). But please please don't count me in the same group as OP.

I AM RAISING MY CHILD.

And so is DH. And so, in part, are my parents who look after DS whilst DH and I work FT.

I am one of the mum's you hate as I didn't financially need to go back to work but chose to. Yes I have a career and yes taking several years out would have lost that career.

All the family is happy with the way our lives are, including DS who adores his grandparents.

I have a career, I earn good money and I still see my DS several hours a day and some in the night.

Erm, don't you dare feel sorry for my kids.

They are well loved, bright, funny and at times I am sure insane, beautiful children who myself and my husband are raising very well, despite both working full time. They are not poor mites!

If my daughter grew up to think as you do, that her choices or ambitions in life do not matter, or that to love her children she must stay at home, I will consider something to have gone very badly wrong indeed.

Jenna, I am surprised that given your experience with PND and it helping you to go back to work you don't have more empathy and understanding with the many reasons why people go back to work and that the situation isn't black and white.

You do seemed to have changed your stance slightly throughout the course of this thread and your title was very provocative.

It's all about choice , isn't it . We all have choices to make . Some have the luxury of many choices , others don't . Some people's choice , is work vs poverty . That simple .

People make the choices they do , in the honestly held belief that they do it for the benefit of their families . No one makes the choices they do thinking ' if I do this, it'll be bad for the kids but hey! fuckem . '.

WOHM , SAHM , BOTH are equally valid choices , and neither should feel the need to have to justify them. But neither should the OP turn up with a completely outrageous opinion, which denigrates a huge percentage of women who are working because they have to ( and some of which actually have the temerity to enjoy it ! ) and expect to have her hand held and soothing agreement uttered .