Moaning mn career mums.Yes you...

[Jenna2012]

Been reading various threads on mn with interest for several weeks now.why do u ladies feel do pessimistic about ur work life balance and compete with the ' oh poor me title'. If you want a better quality of life, surely u can downsize and have less financial Responsibilty and then look after ur dc yourself instead of paying others to look after them. I just don't get why you have kids unless you wanna love And look them yourself. This doesnt apply to single parents.is the financial gain worth it?

What you seem to be failing to grasp, and which sort of makes a mockery of your "education" is that just because I work does not mean i stopped raising my children! It is not that difficult to understand.

So i am just going to go with what my dh has said about this!

"people like that really piss me off. Some people want children but also have careers where a 10-15 year gap would make it really difficult to get back into, some people don't want to 'downsize' to have kids. Some couples have to both work to get by. It's easy to get all high and mighty when you're comfortably well off on a single wage. As for the best educator bullshit, her blinkered view on society as pointed out in the first bit shows she's clearly not a great educator for her kids"

ahhh......there is a reason I married him.

. In my family all the women, raise there children because financially they live within their means Thus

So the women in your family don't really have a choice :-(

I am sorry for being mean to you. I thought that you were in a position of privilege. Now I suspect that you are part of a minority group where women have hard lives, e.g. the travelling community.

it is also A Good Thing to have a job that also allows you some self respect and/or intellectual stimulation

It's posts like this ^ that I'm referring to Chickens

There's an implication there that SAHM have no self-respect!

There were earlier posts referring to wasting your life, wasting your education, being tied to the kitchen sink FFS!

I just don't think it's necessary.

jenna I really think you need to educate yourself about parenting, both for your own sake but also for your DDs.

You say your Mother was unpleasant and critical. It seems she raised her DD just the same way. Do you wish to raise your DD the same way? Are you just going to follow the family path because that's the way it's always done? Aren't you going to try think about things?

Or are you going to be a long line of unpleasant critical women who never reach their potential?

You are looking upon the raisning of a child as something day to day and shallow. It is much more than that when done well. Far less about who changes a nappy and far more about long term family plans and goals and aspirations.

I have raised two fabulous kids for ten years longer than you. They are bright, happy, healthy with lots of friends and interests. They are also highly successful.

All around me I see fabulous teens, commited to their studies, their sports, their music. I see teens with plans and ambitions. I see teens intent on changing the world. The vast majority of these teens will have had two working parents because the vast majority of children do!

Op - please try and bear in mind that:

Working parents are raising their children too. I do not cease to be a parent as soon as I walk through my office door. Neither does my dh.

&

God willing, you will be parenting your child for the rest of your life. Your time as a parent is about so much more than the first five years.

OP - are you able, for one moment, to sit back and realise that, from the information you have provided, you are in a position of privilege? And to not realise/accept that fact makes you appear grossly entitled? Many people out there haven't had the safety nets that you seem to have had. Many people haven't had financially secure families, or even families who have been able to support them and model parenting for them. Your extreme libertarian viewpoint comes across as distinctly lacking in empathy.

Additionally, much as I loathe the saying 'the enemy of women isn't men, it's women' this is exactly how your posts make me feel. I would say 'right on, sister' but I can't summon up the will to explain quite how much irony I would need. Views like yours are the reason why I call myself a feminist. Next time someone asks me why I label myself that, I'll point them in the direction of your posts and save my breath.

Hmmm I wonder if holeyghost has a point?

Ah, ok walter. They didn't stick out to me. I sort of understand why someone feeling attacked for working on this thread might feel the need to hit back a bit. The OP is being unbelievably rude and offensive to rather a large section of the MN community.

I know I'm being pathetic and sucked in but threads like this make me really sad. I've worked all through having my three - I've had to work, at one point DH couldn't get work and was a SAHD with ds, who now is much closer to dh than me. That makes me really sad. Don;t people realise how hurtful it is to be slagged off for their neccesitated choices :(

Hands ThatDudeSanta a choccy biccie as her award. I'm just grateful someone commented on my nn, I was wondering if it was just crap :)

waltermittymistletoe

I think those posts were personal attacks at the OP and not general attacks at SAHMs. I for one have the utmost respect for SAHMs because it's bloody hard work and you don't get much thanks for it.

No one should feel like a rubbish parent if they are doing their best and their children are having their needs met

I understand the need to give back a bit of what you're getting, that's why I don't think anyone has done it with the intention of making SAHMs feel rubbish.

BUT...the only person having a go at WOHMs is the OP. Every other SAHM has been nothing but supportive. That's what makes me so sad. The fact that a SAHM who has done nothing wrong could potentially be feeling really shit about herself right now.

Don;t people realise how hurtful it is to be slagged off for their neccesitated choices

That goes both ways I think.

What Lunatic said. I've been a SAHM, a single parent both staying home and working and now a student parent. I am happy with the choices I have made but wouldn't dream of saying or even thinking that others' choices aren't valid and good if they didn't match with mine. That is what the OP has done and others are rightly irritated and are saying so.

Fair point, walter.

Walter, that is because people are responding to the OP.

See any thread featuring Xenia for anti - WOHM posts

Life is nearly always much more complex than these facile dichotomies of 'evil heartless WOHM' vs 'sad embittered SAHM.' We all do what we feel is best for our families, and sometimes, that means changing the set-up.

Sorry that you haven't had the best experience of the type of lifestyle you're defending, OP. There are many ways of being a loving, attentive parent, and your family's way is not the only (or best) option available.

Seriously, folks, 26 pages? This is pointless. Nothing will change OP's mind, except perhaps the next ten yearsor so. I'm off to put a wash on.

X-post Jins . I can see that they were intended for the OP.

I just hope nobody else is suffering for them! :)

My DH is a WAHP and I work part time... MIL looks after DS...

I think between us we bring home Bacon Lardons... I shall pop them in the post for NatWest.