Moaning mn career mums.Yes you...

[Jenna2012]

Been reading various threads on mn with interest for several weeks now.why do u ladies feel do pessimistic about ur work life balance and compete with the ' oh poor me title'. If you want a better quality of life, surely u can downsize and have less financial Responsibilty and then look after ur dc yourself instead of paying others to look after them. I just don't get why you have kids unless you wanna love And look them yourself. This doesnt apply to single parents.is the financial gain worth it?

I went back to work when DD was 6 months old. I was contracted to do so, and not doing so would have meant that my family would have lost out on a great deal of money when my contract ends.

I work because I am not JUST a mum. I don't feel like that is all I have to give. Some women are suited to the role, my neice is a SAHM and very happy to be one, I wouldn't be.

By working I am able to give DD more than I could if I didn't work. I'm also able to give something back to the country that allowed me to grow up safe and happy.

I work because my mother worked and my sisters worked. They were my role models. My brother didn't work, and never had a bean to his name. I saw how unhappy he was and didn't want that for me. DH was bought up in severe poverty, he wanted more for his children, and got it.

My DD is well adjusted, happy in school, intelligent, supported, fed and clothed. She knows that if she wants a good life she will have to work to get it. She knows we have 'more' than some of her friends, and she knows why. She knows she is lucky to have the luxuries I am able to pay for, the things she doesn't need, but has because I work. She is grateful.

OP, you were bought up in wealth, and have married into wealth. You have no idea what it is like outside of that. It's easy to be smug and judgemental when you want for nothing. Come back and ask the same question when the money is gone.

It has really only been the norm for women to combine careers with motherhood since the 1970's, so many of the women here find themselves struggling with work environment, legislation & attitudes that are only a generation old.

We complain on MN as often this is the only space for us to vocalise the utter despair that comes with juggling everything & excelling at nothing.

Your opinions are your right, but I think your attitude is naive.

Am back, slept wonderfully, thanks for asking - just checking, your issue is with mothers that "choose" to work, then moan they don't see their children? Is it ok if I "choose" to work and don't moan that I don't see my children?

Oh yes, the moaning thing. I forgot that.

I moan because my job is getting harder and busier, for the same money. I think most of us 'workers' probably feel the same. Hardly any jobs are secure now, most have 'cuts' or 'savings' to be made. Moaning, whether on here or to my DH, saves my sanity and allows me a reality check - a lot of people have got it a LOT worse than me.

Probably because there isn't one 'right' way for bringing up children, every family (of whatever shape and size) is different. None of it is easy and there are difficulties in life.

It is healthy to moan about difficulties, especially in a place where many are in the same boat and can both relate and possibly offer advice and some solutions.

Moaning about moaning however is very much less helpful.

By staying on the career ladder when the children were small, and sacrificing large amounts of salary for child care, I have now reached a stage where I have better work life balance (largely because I have a team of people who do the grunt stuff) and more time to spend with the children, if they want it. And more money to pay for holidays, extra curricula activities etc etc.

In my experience/opinion, children seem to need you more the older they get. When they are little, a nanny/childminder/nursery can provide care perfectly adequately. But when they are older, it's you they need to discuss school option choices with, to come and cheer them on when they are playing footie on a cold and wet Saturday morning, to go up to the school and intervene when they are having problems with the school bully etc etc. Or, of course, their father.

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM when I was pregnant with DD (pfb).

After I'd had her, I soon realised that I'd be a risk to her if I stayed at home F/T - I'd have been depressed, resentful and unhappy. My marriage would have failed and I'd have needed a lot of support from the state.

So, I placed DD in the care of people who I trusted and returned to the job that I liked/disliked in equal measure, and occasionally moaned about work, just like my DH did.

10 years later - I'm now a WFHM, and love the chance to spend time with my DD.

Does THAT answer your slightly sanctimonious question, OP?

FernandoIsFaster, looking forward to seeing the OP saying that on the relasionship boards in the future will be my main reason for staying on MN when threads like this start to get to me!!

Or does it just piss you off to hear from women who enjoy their work, and whose children are fine?

^^ this

Relationship*

Ok. Why do I work? Well because I want to. Because I like my job, the people I work with, the money. I am proud of the fact that I started as a call centre operator and now, I have worked up to a senior position.

Is the financial gain worth it?
Yes. Quite simply yes.

Do I worry I have somehow damaged my children?
OP, let me tell you about my children. They are 14,13 and 8 and have been in childcare since 6 months old.
My daughter wants to be a barrister. She is taking 3 GCSE a year early. She is taking a further 2 in year 11 as twilight options.
She is happy, fun, hardworking. She is independent, she can cook, use the washing machine and all that. She's doing good.
My son is top set everything at a super selective.
He plays football at a premiership academy. He has a little part time business. He is also funny, and kind. And can cook etc
The youngest is my creative artistic child who makes me laugh every day. He works hard at school and does his jobs in the house.

I have no worries about my children beyond the normal teenage stuff.

I am trying to teach my children, especially my daughter that she can do anything with her life.

I know SAHM, and WOHM, in RL and here.

People who are happy with the decisions they made tend to just do it.
They don't feel the need to start threads shouting about how their choice is the best and trying to imply anyone who doesn't do it their way are bad parents.
IME the only people who do this are the ones who are not happy with their choices and putting down other people makes them feel better.

FWIW, I think SAHM are amazing, generally.
I would not be able or willing to do it. I know my limitations as a parent. It would never be something I would be happy doing so anyone who chooses to SAH, and is happy doing so is amazing in my mind.
But that doesn't make you a better parent than me.
It just makes us different.

There are SAHM who do not interact with their children all day, there are WOHM who do not interact with their children.

Being a SAHM. doesn't make you a perfect parent.
And being a WOHM doesn't make you a terrible parent.

I can't believe I just read this whole thread. That was time well wasted. I could have embroidering flowers on tea towels for Xmas presents. But I am on mat leave, so not a true SAHM.

Jenna - I hope your daughter has access to some strong female role models. And please tell me that you will not home school her.

Op, its called reality love. Sooner or later, you've gotta work. Like it or lump it.

Well said tantrums and please (note spelling) OP leave it out. Life's too short to waste time on narrow minded opinions such as yours. Glad I went to last page. Some people!

And these career mums are keeping me in my job!!! I need them to work in order for me to work and get paid. Its a cycle and a bloody vicious one when fees are put up but its life.

I agree with you f/wonderwoman that kids need you more when they get older.

babydude pathetic imbicile

Said Jenna2012

Nice PA that I'll let stand. But you got it slightly wrong.

I'm a pathetic imbecile (dreadful choice of word that) who earns 3 x what her DH does and is just highly amused by you.

I work. I think your superior attitude is deeply, deeply misguided. Good luck.

Did you all rise to this ? Really ?

how old are you and dh?
how much does dh earn per annum?
how much do you have in savings and was any gifted to you?
do you own your home? do you have a mortgage? was any of your deposit/equity gifted to you?
what career did you have pre dc?
have you cut back to afford being a sahm and if so how?

How old is your child OP?

Why was Op starting a thread at 1.30 in the morning?

I was asleep then. Now i am up, have already got the children dressed. Ds1 is going on a school trip and i have already made him a packet lunch.
Quite frankly, i am brilliant !!

Unlike Op, I am superwoman.
I can hold down a part time job and be a great mum aswell. Yesterday, I dropped ds1 at school, dropped ds2 at nursery (he is 4, so is supposed to be at nursery and starts school next year), I go towork, and then I finish work, and go back to school and nursery to pick up the kids.
I work 'school hours'.
So whats your GRIPE with that scenarion OP?
I work part time, so today I am off. Ds2 is spending the day with me. We are going down to Brighton to have lunch with my brother. Is that a problem OP?

Has OP disappeared yet? Lets hope so.

Mind you I do enjoy these threads. they are corkers, aren't they.

PSML @ Worra's 23.27 post yesterday . I really want to do that now.