Moaning mn career mums.Yes you...

[Jenna2012]

Been reading various threads on mn with interest for several weeks now.why do u ladies feel do pessimistic about ur work life balance and compete with the ' oh poor me title'. If you want a better quality of life, surely u can downsize and have less financial Responsibilty and then look after ur dc yourself instead of paying others to look after them. I just don't get why you have kids unless you wanna love And look them yourself. This doesnt apply to single parents.is the financial gain worth it?

now jenna! you have had more than your fair share of answers from MNers. no more until you answer some of my our questions.

I don't understand why men have children if they are going to give them to other people to raise and only focus on their careers. Why have children at all?

That was me.

I brought up their race because I was listing all of the 'advantages' they have in the western world which are not in anyway affected by having a working mother. Note, I do not agree that being white men should be an advantage but it is.

My point was that if there is a privilege/advantage to have, my boys have it and so do not require any of your sympathy because I work.

There are plenty of children around who do deserve help and sympathy, my two are not among them. One of the reasons for that is because I work.

You do seem to wear your parenting as a hair shirt Jenna2012. Did you realise that?

On the first page someone sounded a klaxon. There are no spots, abscesses or boils on here.

T'is simple I work because I like it, because they pay me vast sums of money, because you never know what will happen in the future (divorce, illness, death) and because I believe it's a good role model for my kids.

So I answered your question now do the courtesy of answering ours

• how old is your dc
• what was your career/job before you stopped
• what will you do in the future once you dc goes to school or should life throw you a curve ball and you have to work

Optimistically looking forward to the discussion you keep wanting to have but not engaging with

Does anyone wanting a 'discussion' post something like the OP?

OP the poster you need to speak to is called Xenia. she'll answer your questions

What Jinsei said

Narked - as I said I was being optimistic

Husbands don't have to cheat and leave for long term SAHMs to be up shit creek either.

My dad didn't, he and my mum had a fantastic marriage, he worked all hours god sent and she looked after us and home. While it lasted it was wonderful. And then he got cancer and died.

I have very vivid memories of my older brother trying to get mum to tell him what she had eaten that day to ensure she had eaten that day when we were sitting down to dinner. I can remember the times when even her going without wasn't enough for us to have enough to eat. I can remember that same older brother desperately trying to keep it all together and be the 'man' when he was still really just a child.

My mum is a tough woman, but she found it damned near impossible to find paid work after being out of the work force for so long with us.

One of the things I learned was that you couldn't rely on somebody else totally - no matter how much they may want to look after you, shit happens.

If DH died tomorrow, we would be OK. Obviously devestated but OK. We would not need to move and we would not go hungry. We think about it like 'hedging our bets' and creating a buffer. Same goes for me.

While the money I make is not necessary for our day to day lives, it could end up being so. It could pay for DH to have a long time off with his sons if their mother died, it could mean that if their dad died their mum hadn't been unemployed for 9 years and had no relevant up to date experience.

I think with some mums, and I'm not naming names here, it would be a kindness for them to work full time to get them away from their poor children with their poor impressionable minds

You know like mums who are smug, offensive and thick as mince

But no abuse please Jenna I'm allowed my opinion aren't I?

Dude maybe the OP is Xenia, who had one glass of wine too many last night, and is being very norty and winding us all up

can't be true as our Xenia only drinks tapwater

I like these threads though, it was one of these a few years ago that got me off my arse and back to work.

We had had a lovely time with me being a SAHM (and a lady who lunched) and having another baby and just generally doing to whole old fashioned nuclear family thing and then I read a thread that reminded me of how vulnerable that position could be, not just for me but for DH and the boys.

Got to be able to look after myself and my boys and my DH if necessary myself.

seriously, though - the thing that really riles me about statements like the OP's, is the idea that you can't love your DCs if you work...or you can't have a clean house and a nice meal on the table? I mean, WTF?

DH and I are a team so the cleaning and cooking are done by both of us.

and my children feel very loved even though they are rather unloveable teens at the moment

I have always worked and always impress upon both my DS and DD that they must NEVER depend long-term on anyone financially except themselves

Short term, I would be happy to support my DH (and have done, while he changed careers)

Hehe one of the reasons I work is to pay a cleaner.

I am a lazy slattern as a housewife, I just can't be arsed with it.

You know, Dobby, you've really got me thinking, now.

Your intelligent and thought provoking comments deserve some quality reflection and consideration. I will have the time to search my heart on the issues you raise after next weekend, when we head out to the Caribbean for a month. To the house that I bought myself as a treat from the money I earned have been blessed with. I will try in the meantime not to feel too sorry for my poor children who do of course suffer for all of this. They ask me time and again why I bothered having them, you know.

no. just no. Xenia couldn't bring herself to do this. the words would cramp her fingers as she typed.

I am working tonight with alot of other working mothers: nurses, emergency call handlers, ambulance despatchers, paramedics, doctors...

These women make a valuable contribution to our society - imagine if they all stopped work.

Because I am clever and I really think you and your child will suffer in the future as a direct result of me not working.
If you can't work out why op then yes you did the right thing by staying at home!

I work full time. I also go to college. I also look after my DC. I am there in the holidays, I am there if they are sick.

I live in a HA house, so could not downsize very easily. My rent is as low as it gets. I could not afford to pay more, even with working full time.

It doesn't matter because I am here for my children anyway.

Next year, I shall be less so, because I am going to university.

I won't judge you for your choices. Please butt out of mine.

ah. The old 'you have a vagina therefore your entire existence should be spent serving your children and husband' thread.

Haven't had one of these for at least a week. Time to dig out the sackcloth and ashes and start ringing my bell.

If my husband gives up his job, may I work please?

Is it A parent who must stay at home

Or the one with the tits?

From my own perspective I will always make sure that I can financially support myself and my child.

I would feel in an awfully vulnerable position if someone else was wholly responsible for putting food on the table.

In this current job market redundancy can happen in the blink of an eye and I speak from direct experience when saying I have never been more grateful for having a job myself. Dp earns a lot when working which means that I could easily stay at home. He has also been made redundant twice in a year. If I hadn't got my job we would be fucked. How would you go on in that situation op? I wouldn't like to be you if your DH lost his job or worse.