Moaning mn career mums.Yes you...

[Jenna2012]

Been reading various threads on mn with interest for several weeks now.why do u ladies feel do pessimistic about ur work life balance and compete with the ' oh poor me title'. If you want a better quality of life, surely u can downsize and have less financial Responsibilty and then look after ur dc yourself instead of paying others to look after them. I just don't get why you have kids unless you wanna love And look them yourself. This doesnt apply to single parents.is the financial gain worth it?

Most people who put a career above having children don't actually have children.
Most, not all obviously.

Anyway- you sound incredibly unhappy- I hope life becomes better for you- I'm sure you can make your child's experience of life very different from yours.

Murder.

I genuinely hope this thread my start the op to address a few things. I can think of nothing worse than growing up with a parent that sees there staying at home as a sacrafice and necessity.

It taints a child's successes when the parent thinks its all down to their decisions.

Unless they are a little girl Elaine in which case they will be taught housework, embroidery and how to pretty themselves up before the menfolk get home

i'm going take a guess and say OP's DD is less than a year old. i'm also going to say that 18 years of HE is a looooong time

IAmSo- OP never claimed both her parents worked, just that they were wealthy.

I think you're probably right, FuckingRock. There is that stage, isn't there, when you feel it would be like amputating a limb to leave them.

It passes

Lets reflect, I have no issue with mothers who ' have' to work. I just don't agree with mothers who ' choose to work ' then constantly moan Apposed to look after their children and see them grow. It's an invaluable time which is wasted on nannies and childcare. See the difference?

Why do I work? My best friend father died when we were teenagers. Her mother had been a SAHM, she hadn't worked for years and has struggled financially ever since in low paid jobs. Never underestimate the value of financial independence.

And in a more goading mode, why only the one child OP? Surely if you are such a wonderful mother and housewife you should have lots and lots of children to prove how good you are at it? I'm really not impressed with someone who thinks they are some kind of domestic goddess because they keep a house clean that only has one child in it. My house is clean, I work and I have three children. Oh, and we eat home cooked organic food that we grow in our own garden. Get me, i'm a domestic Goddess and a bill payer.

I hope your dad didn't spend too much on that education.

I don't agree with mothers who are so insecure about their own choices that they seek to validate them by claiming that people who do it differently are wrong.

"I just don't agree with mothers who ' choose to work ' then constantly moan Apposed to look after their children and see them grow. It's an invaluable time which is wasted on nannies and childcare. See the difference?"

Nope, you're still talking in a manner which could often be referred to as coming from a different orifice to usual.

So is your problem with mothers who choose to work, when they don't have to? Or to mothers who moan about their freely-chosen lifestyles?

Don't you ever moan about your day? Never?

OP, in answer to your question:

I work FT, always have done. I don't use childcare because DH and I work flexibly and share the care between us. (dd is at school all day anyway). The financial rewards are definitely worth having. I earn more than twice what DH earns. My salary therefore gives us financial security and affords dd the opportunity to pursue her more expensive interests that would have to be restricted or stopped if we depended on DH's income alone. We have nearly paid off our mortgage (15 years before it's due) and we have savings in the bank for a rainy day. We also have money set aside for dd's future - I'm sure she will be glad of it when the time comes.

But I don't only work because of the money. I work because I have plenty to give outside the home as well as in it. I work because I want my daughter to have aspirations for her life beyond the domestic sphere. I work because I want her to have a role model to whom she can look for guidance and inspiration on how to combine a fulfilling career with a happy family life. I work because I want her to see me using my skills and talents to make a positive difference to the world. And I work because I don't want my daughter to grow up, as I did, carrying the burden of guilt for a life of wasted potential and my mother's abandoned dreams.

I work because it makes me happy, and I know that I need to be happy if I want my family to be happy. Is that ok?

jenna what is it that makes you think mothers who choose to work, want or need you to agree with them? do you think they agree with you? a mother chooses not to work? do you care? why?

What about those who choose to SAHM with a full time nanny for the children?

tweasels sorry for the long delay - had to stop for home-made cottage pie, and discussions on how ww2 started and what atoms were made of. It ended with a very poor joke about atoms and being positive.

anyway - I KickAss, I don't receive said kicking. But I do it angellicly. Give me a call any time you need a good kick up the butt.

The thing is, this is all perspective. I posted all the positive things about my life earlier, cos the op seemd to focus on her achievements. I could post an equally long list about the negatives. But here's the thing - it really has naff all to do with anyone why/how I made my decisions. How the op has been wording her questions is very incendiary and rude.

I am loving some of the comments from people, and amazingly, there appears to be a large number of sahm and wohm AGREEING. Perhaps the op is an angel sent to us in disguise to mend the Great Rift of Mumsnet?

I'm a single mum with a single regret in life: stop working to take care of my family and support my husband's high flying career.

I didn't do this voluntarily, I was forced into it. The outcome of it was:

-That after a few years my ex had turned so clever in his job he became a patronising twat who forgot he initially fell in love with me because I was as clever as him and a woman ambitious with her career. After a few years he realised that I had turned into the wife he always wanted to avoid: one that could only talk of home and kids related issues.

• I had to stay in a "blessed married" (oh yes, we were everyone's idea of the perfect couple) for years for a very simple reason: I couldn't afford to leave him

• And now that he is finally gone, I see the fruits of putting my career to the side to do the baking cupcakes and take DS to the park: I cannot give DS the life that he deserves because I simple cannot pay for it. Had I continued working I would have a pension, and a good salary which would have allowed me to provide for him in a better way that I do now.

Some husbands stay, some leave, and some other die. It is plainly irresponsible and unfair to your child to not provide for him/her as well.

I Fully support student mums if that's a choice u make to better your life.

I'd quit work, but my master plan of turning my DCs into evil megalomaniacs through neglecting to stay at home will be thwarted.

You'll be sorry when they're ruling the world and your dd is one of their red-shirted minions, crushed beneath their boots of oppression.

Also, someone mentioned they have 'two white boys' in a post. Why was the colour relevant?

BTW op, shouldn't you be in bed? You can hardly tend to your child's educational needs if you're half cut through lack of sleep.

Perhaps they're ghosts, op.

Athendof, I'm so sorry to hear that. xx I hope u find happiness in time.