To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

[TangoPurple]

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

OwlLady - which post?

The lady in the wheelchair would not be waiting out in the cold, she had options open to her: sit on a bench in the supermarket, sit in cafe and have a coffee. I really don't think tat Flatbread understands about the debilitating nature of Autism, and that op dd needs take precedence over anybody else's. Flatbread, do you have a chid with sn or disability. If not I cannot expect you to understand fully what it s like. If you did I am sure that you would put your chids needs in front of anybody else's, I am sure that you would act in the same way was the op. your are sitting typing your posts without any knowledge of sn so f course you will say those things, if you had a child with sn than you would not!

I agree. I'm talking like a complete cow. Not sure how else i could have worded it though.

Why is it okay for Flatbread to suggest my dd simply get the YY bus, but ridiculous for me to suggest the lady in the wheelchair get the YY bus?

I realise it would have been near on impossible and hugely uncomfortable for the lady in the wheelchair to do so - my point is it would also have been near on impossible and hugely uncomfortable for my dd.

Apologies for any offence caused.

The op had to take her Autistic dd to school so was in a hurry, it did not seem the other lady was. It seems tat she was using her fact she is in a wheelchair to try ad get ahead. The op had just as much need for that bus as she had. The lady had options too as I've highlighted above

oh I see, I wasn't sure whether you meant that post or Flatbread's post Owl :)

The lady seemed quite entitled, rising her eyebrows to people and making faces.

Just because your in a wheelchair does not make you a saint

Tangopurple, that's fine, but I don't know why you are justifying yourself. Even if you had a neuro typical child it would have made no difference, what you did was perfectly acceptable. If people are running late they need to plan their time better (says the always running late owl:o) but to suggest the lady's dignity is compromised by someone carrying her onto the bus isn't very helpful!

The trouble is public transport is not accessible enough, it's not individuals fault that their life is made even more difficult than it already is iykwim

Reading back 'that' post, i can see why Owl was shocked.

I'm in no way saying that the driver should fold up the lady's chair. It was all hypothetical. My stupid way of trying to show Flatbread that my dd's ASD makes getting the YY bus just as difficult as the lady's disability.

It would be completely unethical to make that lady get the YY bus, but Flatbread doesn't think the same when it comes to making my dd get that bus.

Why?

Flatbread, I think you're basing your knowledge of ASD on your friend's husband. One person.

Yes, my dd is high-functioning. She can walk, talk (albeit with a huge stammer and dysfluency), and can do lots of other things NT kids can. But she still struggles with aspects of everyday life.

Today for example.

It was raining - again - and dd was taking forever to get to school (it's a two minute walk). Consequently, we didn't get in the yard until after 9am. By that time, her class had already gone in. I told her to quickly join on at the back of Primary two's line. She wouldn't. She stood still, said she's waiting on her own class coming back out so she could go in the proper line.

It took myself and the head teacher to come out before she went in. She was soaked from the rain, screaming, and I now have a cut nose.

Sorry for the novel; just trying to point out that even the high functioning end of autism has its own wide spectrum.

Sorry, Owlady, cross posted.

Forgot to say in that post, it was completely hypothetical. No way would i ever expect anyone in a wheelchair to have to put themselves through that. But what I'm trying (failing) to convey to Flatbread is that my dd's own health and dignity would be compromised just as much if I hade made her go onto the YY bus.

The only difference is my dd's legs work. Doesn't mean she'd use them though. She can become a dead weight in the rain, and I really wouldn't have been able to carry/drag her for ten minutes when I also have shopping bags.

That's fair enough :)

I still haven't cleaned my chickens out

this thread is getting odder and odder

This thread needs to go to bed now.

Even if OPs daughter had no disability it doesn't mean that the lady with the wheelchair should have preference. The OP had a valid reason why she needed to get that bus.

Personally I applaud the OP for being able to do grocery shopping before school. Getting my kid to be ready in time to get to school is a feat, let alone with time to spare to get groceries. That would be a superhuman effort in our house!

YANBU OP.

Autism is a huge spectrum. My DH has Aspergers syndrome, DS1 has some autistic symptoms but the paed thinks he is just a bit quirky. DS2 is a wheelchair user and has sensory issues. All 3 of them are high functioning, all 3 are very different.

BegoniaBampot Wed 28-Nov-12 11:34:06
This thread needs to go to bed now.

Did I miss the memo where you crowned Thread Boss?

Yes you did, but I'm not really replying as this thread really needs to go to sleep now. Shhhhhhsh!

Congratulations on your appointment, sorry I missed the memo

But FWIW I think the thread is fine :)

Saw this in NYT and was reminded of this thread. I found it really interesting.

www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/magazine/the-autism-advantage.html?pagewanted=1&_r=0&hp

I hate articles like that..they are wonderful if you have a high functioning child but when your child can't speak, is in nappies and needs 24/7 and probably always will it is hard to think of autism as being an "advantage".

Not sure why that reminded you of this thread, unless it is linked to your minimising of autism earlier?

Articles like that just fuel the "Rainman" stereotypes IMO.

YADNBU ! She should have made more time for her outing if she was so worried about being freezing if she missed the bus !