To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

[TangoPurple]

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

its ridiculous, just don't look at them as being any different and if you wouldn't have given an able bodied person your place then don't give a disabled person it. You totally did the right thing, well done.

Nice bondig. Its reassuring to know that most people, judging by this thread, don't take the same attitude as you. Theres no harm in helping people out either, if you are in a position to do so.

She could have got their earlier or asked management to open a other till? I think we should help where we can when it comes to disabled people but your situation is not clear cut so yanbu

Out of 275 posts flatbread is te only one to disagree on flimsy grounds. That tells you something flatbread.

You're not a teacher bondig!?

Yes i help out were I can, but I will put dd needs first before others like op has done. If I had been on my own without my ASD dd than I would let the lady go first

bondigidum wow another gem

In the circs, ywnbu.

Chipping, not changing anything I was saying.

Only OP, it appears, is torn about her actions. Others seem very comfortable putting themselves and their children first, autistic or not.

There is a range in autism, and from what OP describes, the main issue was holding her dd's hand for safety. And later that perhaps dd would not be pleased with getting wet.

People have gone hysterical and said her dd would suffer great pain (WTF?) and that the woman on the wheelchair was irresponsible and entitled.

I am completely bemused at this thread. I have not said anything derogatory to OP or her child. What should I apologise for?

(And the dinner was a great success, four hours of company is just about right. I am in a different time zone than you, and as much as I enjoy fellow mner's company, I would not post in the middle of hosting guests)

Flatbread. You can suffer severe pain through faulty sensory processing in autism. So your " WTF" is thoroughly pig ignorant

'and said her dd would suffer great pain (WTF?)'

Yes, I know you don't get that but for some it is true. My DS can't cope with small things like labels in clothing, but doesn't feel deep slashes requiring stitches or major crush injuries. Not wired like an NT. Yes, it is difficult for some people to understand.

Oh, I think the pig-ignorance is blatant Fanjo.
Deliberate?

Child in DD's class screams and beats her head off the floor in pain due to normal traffic noise.

Nebulous, am starting to wonder!

There is a range in autism, and from what OP describes, the main issue was holding her dd's hand for safety. And later that perhaps dd would not be pleased with getting wet.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha - you're determined not to get it aren't you. but if you go through to 8:25 ish you get a realistic picture of an autistic meltdown, which unfortunately can be triggered by things like having to catch buses at the 'wrong' stop or getting wet etc.

(Great film btw)

Had a child in my class who needed to wear headphones to cope with normal classroom levels of noise.

Flatbread. You can suffer severe pain through faulty sensory processing in autism. So your " WTF" is thoroughly pig ignorant

Summed up rather nicely there.

Tricky situation. And so unbelievably unlucky!

I don't know about the area you are in but near me:
The chances of there being a queue at all at 8am are low
The chances of there being two consecutive customers who have both travelled by bus (let alone the same bus) are very low
The chances of there being two disabled customers in a row are very low

So the chances of all three happening are infinitesimally low :( I can imagine how torn and guilty you must have felt and I suspect I might have let the woman go first due to that guilt but YWNBU, an autistic meltdown is no joke.

Flatbread - you've had your fun and probably been giggling your socks off but it's really in poor taste to wind up mums who are dealing with kids who have disabilities like those described here. You're being deliberately provocative for some reason as I doubt you are really as thick as you are coming across.

In your case, YANBU - your daughter had to be somewhere at a certain time an is disabled, too. If my elsdest ended up at risk of being late somewhere, he'd not even go because it's TOOOOO LAAAAAATE. If i got him there, his entired day would be shit because his routine had been disrupted.

I have mobility problems (use a walking frame) and find queueing or possibly waiting having missed a bus incredibly painful. If someone were to offer to let me go ahead I would be incredibly grateful and relieved but never in a million years would I ask let alone make a fuss if refused. I think the woman was being incredibly cheeky and playing on her disability. OP I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.

"Flatbread, it's really not that simple. I can't believe i'm having to do this for the second time today, but dd doesn't just dislike rain - she hates it. She says it's sore when it lands on her skin. She says the noise of it makes her ears sore too. She thinks that if she gets wet, she can't breathe. And god help us if she gets even a drop of it on her glasses.

No matter how much i force rain onto her, she'll never just get used to it.

We've established some coping strategies so that she no longer freaks out as much. She can just about tolerate light rain now, but when it's as heavy as it was today, it causes her great upset and - according to her - pain."

Flatbread - you know fine well how the OP described her daughters feelings and reactions no matter how much you continue to conveniently overlook this.

Flatbread I think you are either completely clueless about ASD and what it means, or you are being deliberately inflammatory.

OP, you have most people saying YANBU. I would definitely be getting on that bus rather than your child be late or school, ASD or not. Of course, if I were just heading back from town during the day and could manage waitig around another 40 minutes, I might agree. But if I had DD with me (who has ASD) and especially if the rain/walking is an issue, I would put her first, especially as it would mean such disruption for her already difficult life.

'You're being deliberately provocative for some reason as I doubt you are really as thick as you are coming across.'

Actually, I've encountered a lot of people with attitudes and beliefs like this, and I'd put money on any parent of a child on the spectrum being able to say the same thing.

Why are you all projecting? Your children might suffer great pain by getting a bit wet. But OP hasn't said that about her child. If it was such a major issue, she would have put it in her OP, but she only mentioned the safety aspect of holding her dd's hand.

We can agree to disagree, but why are all of you getting so offended? If OP came back and said she was upset by my posts, I would be the first to apologise (and OP if you have and I missed it, my sincere apologies to you).

But to the rest, don't see why you are offended. We are all third parties to this. I can just as much get offended by you not being sympathetic enough to the lady in the wheelchair. Just like you imagine yourself and your children in the OPs situation, I can imagine my mum asking for help (and it would take a lot of courage to do that) and feeling absolutely mortified afterwards.

My child doesn't suffer pain from rain, so not projecting. Sorry to disappoint