to be frightened, firm and fucking furious?

[SomeoneElseHere]

NC as identifiable.

We live abroad in a residence where all the families go to the bar on a Friday night for drinks. The kids all run around together unsupervised. I expect people think I'm a bit paranoid and helicoptery for supervising DD but there is a swimming pool, a lake and other dangers. Parents seem to think that the bigger kids will look out for the little ones. I don't like to go there very often to be honest, because it annoys me that everyone else is chatting and drinking and I'm running round after a bunch of kids. DH thinks I'm OTT, and so is very half-hearted in his supervision.

DD is 3. She has a friend who is also 3, and another who is 4. The other kids are all older.

DH took DD alone tonight as I was feeling ill. They came back. She was wet. She had sat on the edge of the pool and dunked her legs in. Her 4 year old friend was with her. No-one else.

I am now saying that we will not go unless she is with one of us (or another adult) AT ALL TIMES. DH thinks she 'deserves another chance'. IMO it's not a case of 'another chance. It's not like she spilt juice when she wasn't sitting at the table. She got in the fricking swimming pool in the dar with no-one around (pool is hidden by wall and trees).

AIBU? This is mostly a rant, as I know I'm not BU and even if you say I am I'm not backing down.

Furious, I tell you.

I have a friend who lost her 5 yo cousin some years back. She fell in the swimming pool which was around another side of the house to where the family were all gathered for a party. No-one heard her.

YANBU.

The op is not in the UK. She said night. I took it to mean night rather than early evening. 5.00 is not 'night'.

Perhaps the op could clarify what time they are regularly out drinking at night with their 3 year old.

YANBU. As others have pointed out, drowning can happen silently and very very quickly.

And it's not about whether your DD deserves another chance. It's about whether you can trust your DH, or another adult, to properly supervise her near the pool. Given that your DH doesn't seem to understand why you're upset, I wouldn't be inclined to trust him to supervise your DD on future Friday nights.

Another one saying YANBU at all

YANBU

It's an tragedy waiting to happen.

We were on holiday a couple of years ago in Menorca in an apartment complex which had a bar area which opened out to a swimming pool. We had been out for dinner and walking back to our apartment, past the bar, there were a bunch of kids playing at the edge of the pool splashing each other, as we approached one slipped on the wet paving, straight into the pool. DH fished him straight out, but it took a couple of minutes for his parents to realise what was going on.

I'm quite laid back, and would be happy for the kids to go off playing, but not anywhere near an unfenced pool.

I had the pleasure if watching a fellow holiday maker resuscitating an eight year old who got into difficulty whilst playing with his older brother in an unguarded hotel pool in Mexico.

Half an hour later after he had been revived and was recovering, I then saw the hotel staff go table to table around the hotel restaurant until they found his parents eating their lunch.

That was 7 years ago and the memory of it still makes me shudder.

I would have bent your DH over and torn him a new arsehole, you sound remarkably restrained.

OP - there are so many examples of what could/can happen, it should scare your DH silly and ensure it never happens again

YANBU

A little boy drowned in my Uncles pool in Portugal. When I was on holiday a few years ago a toddler fell into the pool, luckily exactly where I was treading water and so I was able to pull him up but I was amazed at how quickly he sank.

YANBU

my cousins cousin died aged 3..... in the family pool, when the adults were having a party.....
the "older" children were supposed to be looking after him..... he wandered off to find his parents (so older children assumed he found them, they were ONLY CHILDREN after all) and he was found dead / drowned in their swimming pool.

this is why you NEVER leave children / toddlers un-supervised near a pool

God YANBU, this thread is giving me goosebumps. I grew up in Zimbabwe where most people had swimming pools, I cannot count the amount of families local and expat that we know who had lost a toddler to drowning. And most of the time the adults were socialising right beside the pool and no one noticed until it was too late. Children unsupervised near water makes my blood run cold

we have a pool and my daughter is a strong swimmer. invited her friend and mother, who'd been saying her daughter had lessons and implied she could swim (she's a bit competitive, i've since found).

were dealing with the babies and turned to see only my daughter, her girl had fallen in and sunk. i had to swim and rescue her, subsuming my panic so as not to give this girl a complex.

but i still panic (and reading some of these dreadful stories brings it back) about that moment.

three adults, three children, daylight, no alcohol ...

i'm very laidback about things but if you have a pool children will drown unless closely watched

You are 100% in the right.

the more people there are around, the less supervision is taking place. people just assume someone else is watching

I have been at two events where kids have got lost (one was found throwing stones into a nearby river) because everyone assumed someone else was watching

this should have been a wake up call to your DH

Fucking Hell.

It was always drummed in to us that a child can drown in a few inches of water,never mind a fucking pool

You are the most not unreasonable op ever. . .ever. . .ever. . . ever

YANBU I was an expat - similar club every Friday night, next to the sea, two year olds wandering about unsupervised. Do what I did, go early with the kids and let them play, then take them home get a babysitter and go back on your own and have a great time.

Maytheodds It is always the excpetion that proves the rule.

yanbu Three year olds give the impression of being able to play unsupervised but they are really not able to. They get up to all sorts of mischief.

It's also not fair to expect older dc to supervise them.

One of you needs to be with her or at least have sight of her at all times in that situation I'd say.

He cannot be trusted with your child. Selfish bastard.

He was there 6-9pm. That's not really the point. Most kids here go to bed at about 10 - long nap in the day.

Don't forget, though, that the biggest killer of children is road accidents. (Next biggest, in terms of non-natural ie excluding illnesses, is domestic violence) People think it won't happen to them or their DC so happily carry on driving cars. Also, 3/4 is the age when you can actually let your kids go, a little bit, at a social event that's a mix of adults and children, and if people are used to doing so in places without serious hazards like an open fire or a pool/pond they might be in the mindset of 'Kids are safe because we're among friends' rather than total negligence.

So while this sounds like a risky situation, a great deal of responsibility is down to the owner of the premises - if you know that your venue is regularly used by families with young children for social events, then you need to take a lot more care WRT making it safe. And having an accessible but unsupervised pool is not safe.

This thread is just getting a bit 'waa, waa, parents should NEVER expect to have a social life, they've got to follow their DC around, flapping and squawking, till DC are old enough to vote and anyone who doesn't is a CHILD MURDERER'.

'kinnell not often you see a virtual unanimous YANBU.
Does he realise now that he was in the wrong?

Wow, this is crazy. I completely understand your point of view. We used to live as ex pats in South Africa where there was a similar care free attitude towards health and safety. The number of lovely sensible people that would drink drive was incredible? DC's never wore bike helmets. Pool safety was very low on the list of priorities. Domestic pools did not have to be fenced.

It was all great fun but I was always a little wary of safety issues.

Off topic....
Welovecouscous. I loved that book too.

and in Oz, where there are pools everywhere, they are extremely conscious about supervising garden pools, keeping kids locked out and fitting alarms

Believe me, Aussies can be as slack as the best of them! I cringe at what I see here sometimes (am a Brit in Oz).