to be frightened, firm and fucking furious?

[SomeoneElseHere]

NC as identifiable.

We live abroad in a residence where all the families go to the bar on a Friday night for drinks. The kids all run around together unsupervised. I expect people think I'm a bit paranoid and helicoptery for supervising DD but there is a swimming pool, a lake and other dangers. Parents seem to think that the bigger kids will look out for the little ones. I don't like to go there very often to be honest, because it annoys me that everyone else is chatting and drinking and I'm running round after a bunch of kids. DH thinks I'm OTT, and so is very half-hearted in his supervision.

DD is 3. She has a friend who is also 3, and another who is 4. The other kids are all older.

DH took DD alone tonight as I was feeling ill. They came back. She was wet. She had sat on the edge of the pool and dunked her legs in. Her 4 year old friend was with her. No-one else.

I am now saying that we will not go unless she is with one of us (or another adult) AT ALL TIMES. DH thinks she 'deserves another chance'. IMO it's not a case of 'another chance. It's not like she spilt juice when she wasn't sitting at the table. She got in the fricking swimming pool in the dar with no-one around (pool is hidden by wall and trees).

AIBU? This is mostly a rant, as I know I'm not BU and even if you say I am I'm not backing down.

Furious, I tell you.

[fallingsun]

Yanbu. It sounds very dangerous - does a child need to have a serious accident for this to be taken seriously?

[harrietspy]

YANBU. I know a couple whose ds fell into the pool. They thought he was with his slightly older siblings but he'd fallen in and they hadn't heard. He was resuscitated and survived but has severe brain damage.

In the olden days (pre-municipal swimming pools & arm bands, I guess) parents used to scare children about horrible creatures who lived in pools and rivers (Jenny Greenteeth, etc) to keep them away from water. There never was a time when mothers were relaxed about water and children. For a reason.

YANBU at all.

[cees]

Yanbu, tell him next time she might not get out.

[SomeoneElseHere]

no they are all Aussie!

[HRH008]

Your DH is wrong, just wrong.
Aged 4, a child must be supervised around water.

If my DH had left my DD like that, had been inside and she had been in a pool, I would have hit the fucking roof. He would have done the same if I had been so completely stupid and irresponsible.

We have (access to) an inside pool. The door is locked, always. The key is too high for the kids to reach. Anyone leaving the door unlocked gets a bollocking. It´s just too dangerous to mess about.

[HRH008]

BTW, am so very glad she is ok.

[Some0ne]

I'm verging on saying 'leave the bastard' and actually meaning it.

YANBU (and that's a huge understatement).

[LouisWalshsChristmasCloset]

Fucking hell. Don't know how you didn't rip your DH head off. I'd be fucking furious to say the least

[Wheredidmyyouthgo]

YANBU, not one bit. I would feel the same as you.

And as for DD 'deserves another chance', what is he thinking? It's his behaviour that is in issue here. Is he missing the point entirely?

Am 100% with you on this, as per every other poster!

[Chandon]

yanbu, I have been an expat and lived like this and I could not get used to it, even after 6 years!

Kids can drown in less than 2 minutes, there is no time for the other 4 year old to even get help (if she would).

At least in my case, my husband agreed with me! Cannot believe your is so casual.

Can't you leave kids with babysitter at home and go with DH? (always the pragmatic)

[FobblyWoof]

Oh wow. I think I seriously would have snapped his neck. What an absolute idiot.

He wants to "give her another chance" to what, exactly? Another chance to die. You are definitely, definitely not being unreasonable.

DH is an complete and utter twunt. And to be honest, so are the rest of the parents in that group

[Moominsarescary]

Yanbu

My cousins ds drowned in the swimming pool in their back garden. His older brother took him into the house and in the time it took his mum to get the baby twins out the pool into the house he had ran round to the side door and got back into the pool.

Couple of minutes at the most, they took him off life support a few days later, he was nearly 3.

I'd be really pissed off if it was my dh

[valiumredhead]

It's not about chances as it's not her behaviour that is wrong it's HIS.

[AdoraJingleBells]

YANBU

It's not DD who should or shouldn't have another chance. She isn't the one who neglected to supervise a 3 yr old. I would say DD doesn't go unless you are there, because he can't be trusted. Make these Friday evenings your fun time with DD, or do fun time with her at home on Friday evenings, leave DH to get pissed and sort himself out.

[SuzySheepSmellsNice]

Moomins that's horrible :(

[Turniphead1]

Am relaxed about child safety compared to most. But this terrifies me. This is an actual real danger. Every year a significant number of kids die this way. You are SO not being unreasonable. Glad you Dd safe.

[drivingmisspotty]

Oops, please excuse my national stereotyping.

[WitchesTit]

YANBU. It's exactly those sort of situations that lead to 'accidents'

[Startail]

YANBU
My DDs are fish, but they couldn't have swum well enough at 3 to get out of trouble. DD2 by 4.5-5 yes. She did huge water chutes and centre parks rapids in the dark.

But a 3 and a 4y old by a pool on their own no way.

[earthpixie]

I would actually be wondering if I could forgive DH if he did that. Very nearly a dealbreaker.

[Soapysuds64]

I used to live abroad, where the new year eve party was held by the side of the swimming pool. Adults were drinking, kids were playing. One 4 year old girl drowned. It sounds pretty much the same. Kind of place / atmosphere that you describe. Drowning does happen.

[Lavenderhoney]

Yanbu. Your dd could have died. You are not over reacting. Does he mean he wants a 2nd chance? I would say not on a Friday night- when he is inside at the bar and someone says I'll watch her for you, them pops off to the loo, starts chatting etc, this time you might not be lucky. And what if other dc are playing near the pool and start pushing? She could easily go in and not be noticed.

Stick to your guns, I know I would.

[CinnabarRed]

My DH has a colleague whose 3 year old drowned in a pool in Spain. DH is now absolutely uncompromising about water safety, and rightly so.

[worldgonecrazy]

YA so definitely not being U. His behaviour is unbelievable. I really don't understand the reference to "another chance". Your child is 3 years old and has no concept of danger, so she has done nothing wrong as she cannot understand why she has to keep away from water.

I would be absolutely fuming at my DH if he put my daughter in that amount of danger. Drowning is silent and quick.