to be frightened, firm and fucking furious?

[SomeoneElseHere]

NC as identifiable.

We live abroad in a residence where all the families go to the bar on a Friday night for drinks. The kids all run around together unsupervised. I expect people think I'm a bit paranoid and helicoptery for supervising DD but there is a swimming pool, a lake and other dangers. Parents seem to think that the bigger kids will look out for the little ones. I don't like to go there very often to be honest, because it annoys me that everyone else is chatting and drinking and I'm running round after a bunch of kids. DH thinks I'm OTT, and so is very half-hearted in his supervision.

DD is 3. She has a friend who is also 3, and another who is 4. The other kids are all older.

DH took DD alone tonight as I was feeling ill. They came back. She was wet. She had sat on the edge of the pool and dunked her legs in. Her 4 year old friend was with her. No-one else.

I am now saying that we will not go unless she is with one of us (or another adult) AT ALL TIMES. DH thinks she 'deserves another chance'. IMO it's not a case of 'another chance. It's not like she spilt juice when she wasn't sitting at the table. She got in the fricking swimming pool in the dar with no-one around (pool is hidden by wall and trees).

AIBU? This is mostly a rant, as I know I'm not BU and even if you say I am I'm not backing down.

Furious, I tell you.

[ALMOSTMRSG]

YANBU
We were on holiday in Majorca earlier this year. In the evening most families would gather round the bar which opened up on to the hotel pool area. One evening DH, DD and I were having a drink at the bar. I glanced over to the pool and saw two little girls playing with a beach ball that had been left by the side of the pool. I turned away to talk to DH and then glanced back and noticed only one little girl, who was staring over the edge of the pool. I instantly realised what had happen, rushed over to find the other little girl sinking, she was right under the water. I reached over the edge and grabed her under arm and managed to pull her far enough up to get her head out the water. By this time another guest had realised what was happening and helped me get her out. It was very frightening and upsetting. The bar area was busy and I was the only one who noticed. I will never forget the panic and fear on the little girl's face when I looked over the edge of the pool.

[wonderstuff]

YANBU in anyway - I'm pretty chilled out but this thread makes my blood run cold. Agree with others, so dangerous, don't understand why your dh or the other parents think this is in anyway OK.

[CecilyP]

YA absolutely NBU. As if leaving small children unsupervised by water is not bad enough, that they are also adding drink into the mix is beyond belief.

You are right to be furious.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

There is a chapter in the book Freakonomics that shows that in the USA swimming pools kill more children than guns but you wouldn't leave your children alone with a loaded gun would you.

www.freakonomics.com/books/freakonomics/chapter-excerpts/chapter-5/

[Astelia]

YADNBU water and children is such a dangerous combination, drowning takes only seconds and is silent. I can't believe your DH took his eyes off her when there was a pool and a lake nearby. What was he thinking?

[wineandroses]

Op what are you going to do? I feel very worried for your DD and her little friends.

[foslady]

So does your dh fancy a spell in a foreign prison cell for neglect leading to death?
YANBU

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

I'm no doubt going to be called unreasonable for this but I have to ask why the 3 year old isn't safely tucked up in bed instead of having to stay out, supervised or not, whilst the adults drink.

You see, I feel that's unreasonable

[schobe]

AGED 3!! I thought you were going to say she was 8 and I was still going to say YANBU.

Like all the others, the very idea of this has given me the parent shudders. Your DH's comment 'she deserves another chance' is awful. Does he often abdicate all responsibility for stuff?

[blueballoon79]

I agree with kitty. I cannot understand how anyone would stay out late drinking with a 3 year old running around in the dark unsupervised when she could be tucked up safely in bed.

I would never EVER trust someone again with my DD (also aged 3) if they were as irresponsible and stupid as this whilst she was in their care.

You're both very luckt that she is safe and well as there could have been a tragic outcome to this.

So irresposible on many levels. The drinking, the lack of supervision. Even without the danger of the swimming pool a 3 year old should not just be left without adult supervision, in the dark whilst her parent who is supposed to be caring for her is busy getting drunk out of ear shot.

I'm horrified frankly and it makes my blood run cold just thinking about it.

[Whoknowswhocares]

Your OH is clearly not a fit and proper person to be left in charge of a small child.

He says she deserves a second chance. He is right. She deserves the chance to live a long and happy life. Which is something she is quite likely not to get if he is left in charge.

Do not let her go there again, especially with her completely fucking NEGLIGENT father

[Northernlurker]

In fairness to the OP she doesn't say they are out late does she? It's dark in the Uk at 5pm atm. 3 yr olds aren't in bed then. She said Friday 'night' - which could be anytime between about 5.30 and midnight imo.

[Whoknowswhocares]

Quite........although you can just as easily drown at 10am.
I would imagine the outrage is at the lack of supervision, not the time of day!

[MunchkinsMumof2]

She does not deserve another chance ffs, she didn't do anything wrong! She is only 3 whereas dh and the other neglectful parents are adults and it is their responsibility to supervise the children especially around water. I would be so cross and hurt that dh's beer was more important than his dd's welfare. Grrrr on your behalf Op, give him hell over this.

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

I feel sick reading your OP, I cannot understand what your DH is thinking of. Another chance? What? To die a completely preventable death? He sounds like a moron. Is he always this useless?

I'd be having a word with the venue, they could be sued or charged with manslaughter if anything happened (depends on the laws where you are I suppose).

[ohmeohmy]

YANBU. can't find the link but someone posted a video here once of a child almost drowning when others were close by but didn't notice. Drowning children don't scream, they can't. He would never know until it was too late. E bar really should do something, eventually someone's child will die.

[Whatnowffs]

This is the thread that i would award the "totally most NOT unreasonable" EVER award! I think id be so mad i'd leave the bastard - im only half joking

[Marrow]

There's an empty space in DD's class. Her classmate drowned. He was on holiday and went to the toilet. They think he slipped on his way back and fell into the pool. Nobody noticed until it was too late

Your DH is being completely irresponsible. Your DD is relying on him to keep her safe and I feel sick thinking of everything that could go wrong.

[eagerbeagle]

Me aged 11 left in charge of sister aged 6 in a private pool.. She slipped out of her rubber ring and went under. By chance only I saw. We were both out of our depth. I swam to her and pulled her up and then she grabbed me round the neck and we both went under. I swam underwater dragging her with me until I could get my feet to the bottom. If it had been more than a few feet I dread to think what would have happened to us both.

YANBU

[BeatTheClock]

Oh god Marrow that is so so sad

I would seriously be reassessing dh's judgement. You clearly have a completely different threashold as to what is ok regarding your child. It would worry me. A lot

[madmomma]

absolutely horrendous. One family near us have a lot of children + extended family + they held a similar 'safe in a pack' mentality. They went on holiday and came home with one child less than they went with She drowned in a pool while the rest of the family were splashing about around her. Everyone thought someone else was watching her.

[Badvocsanta]

Your dh is a moron.

[TheCatInTheHairnet]

That's just shocking!

We have our own pool and I also like to be the host. However, it never ceases to amaze me that, when offered a Friday night glass of wine, how many parents seem to lose all cares about their children's safety in the water. And they are the ones that don't get invited back, as I'm buggered if I'm going to spend my Friday evenings lifeguarding their children. But, I have to as it's my pool and my responsibility to make sure nobody gets hurt in it.

[kerala]

My friend asked me to watch her 3 year old while she popped to the loo at our lovely outside heated local pool. I turned literally for one second to do up DDs life jacket and my friends daughter (a lovely good little girl) leapt into the pool in the deep end and sank to the bottom. I still have the image of her floating to the bottom of the pool in my head. Obviously I dived in and fished her out immediately but was so shocked that an otherwise usually sensible child could be so daft. An adult has to be there 100% of the time at arms length from a child at that age no compromise and I am not a helicopter parent type.