To be hurt that DP would rather spend Christmas with his family than me?

[Lucyrobinson99]

DP and I recently moved house. Moved in round the corner from his parents, mainly because nice area and good location for work but I know DP also likes being close to his family. I get on fine with his family and also DP said it would be good for help with child care when we have kids so I was happy to go along with it.

I suggested this Xmas it would be nice to invite my parents to stay (they live a few hundred miles away and we hardly ever see them). DP said that was a great idea. However, he also said he would be spending Christmas day round the corner with his parents and grown up siblings (all of whom he sees all the time). He did not extend the invitation to me.

So as things currently stand we have me having Christmas day at mine and Dp's house with my folks and DP round the corner at his parents. This is the first time we I have hosted Christmas Day and first Christmas in our new home so gutted DP has chosen his family (who he sees on a weekly basis) over me.

AIBU to be a bit gutted?

Should also mention that my parents have not met DP's parents yet (wasn't planning to introduce them until we get engaged)

Also if it's relevant last Christmas I spent on my own at my parents house and DP spent with his parents. This was before we moved close to his parents though.

Does he know that you are planning marriage and children?

Is he IN on this idea? Or is it just your idea?

Or could it be that he's a lazy sod who wants to avoid having to "help" with any of the Xmas day work so is sloping off to Mummy where he'll be spoilt rotten without having to lift a finger ? If so - extremely childish.

Its sounding a bit 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other to me...

Yanbu. What did he say to your suggestion that he goes to say hello etc?

What did he say to your suggestion of popping round etc.?

You're waiting for the commitment of an engagement. It sounds like you don't feel you're in a committed relationship at the moment then, as it stands. I can't blame you, if you live together but don't even spend Christmas together.

Like others have said, I'd be thinking about whether this man is what I would want long-term.

What did you do last year? It would be strange for the sets of potiential inlaws not to meet, and I know what mine would said! To go all that way and your dp is out and you and they are not invited!

Personally I would cancel my parents and go to Barbados with a friend. but I am old and therefore not very tolerant:)

lucy, fgs dont commit to this man, he's a child really

Yes I am concerned that this might be evidence that he is not as serious about me as I would like to think. That's why I'm feeling so sad about it.

We have bought the house.

DP is 30, not a teenager!!

YANBU

I know you're living together, but he doesn't really sound all that committed to the relationship. Why on earth do you put up with it? His behaviour is absolutely not normal.

I cannot believe that you're not invited to go his parents along with him. That's simply wrong. It's also wrong that he is even contemplating going to his parents knowing that you're not invited. He really should be standing by your side and showing them that you're the future mother of his children and his future wife. That's if he does have the same intentions as you of course.

I would be having serious words with him. He is totally out of order.

You have joint mortgage?? And yet you.want to wait for a ring before your parents meet?

We have talked about marriage and kids and both want them so not not just my idea that I have never voiced

Did he assume when you suggested your parents were to be invited that they would go round to his parents too? It sounds like a lack in communication as well to me.

But does he want marriage and children with you?

He does not seem committed to you at all!

Do you work?

My sister and her DP have lived together for 5 years and just bought a flat together, but have never spent Christmas together yet. However, her DP's family live in Ireland and he doesn't get home very often to see his extended family (youngest of 6, so Christmas is one time when a number of his siblings are at home). Plus his parents are in their 80s and speak mainly Irish, so my sister hardly understands a word. She would be welcome to go, though, and he would be welcome at my parents'. I don't like the idea that you aren't invited to your DP's parents' house!

30

I'd run a mile if I were you, sorry

also you don't need a ring to show commitment, that's mills and boon nonsense, commitment comes naturally if you love each other

a ring proves nothing, nothing at all

Hi yes I work full time, as does DP

Hmmm ignore the words, look at his actions! Would he really leave you alone on Xmas to spend time with his family? Very very strange after 6 years and a house together.

I would think very carefully about having kids with this man, or you will up on here with the toxic mil situ.

Isn't your mil embarrassed that she hasn't invited you? Is there a cultural / religious reason?

Can you imagine how upsetting Christmas will be, with you hosting for your parents, around the corner from your "inlaws". And your inlaws are hosting Christmas for their adult children and YOU and your parents are not invited?

How are you going to explain this to your parents? It is going to be the snub of the century!

It is also, I think, a red flag that you dont want your parents to meet...
So, from his perspective, maybe he sees it as you orchestrating this situation, by inviting them down, but at the same time you wont let them meet his parents until he has put a ring on your finger I actually find that as shocking as him spending Christmas without you.

Also, you two dont seem to communicate well, by the looks of things.

Very odd re his behaviour on Xmas day but your blackmailing him isn't great either.......

30 years old and he would rather spend christmas with his mummy than in your new home with you. I really think you need to sit down and talk about your level of commitment.

For what it is worth a joint mortgage is more of a commitment in my opinion than an engagement ring.

I don't think DP's mother has actually spoken to DP about Christmas yet. I think he just assumes she assumes he will be spending it with them. So it's not as though his mother has actively not invited me or anything

He sounds very odd, not wanting to spend Christmas day with his partner.

And really do you want your in laws who don't like you enough to invite you for christmas to look after your future babies?