to think a lift home when you are coming that way shouldnt cause angst.

[slartybartfast]

i have no car, dh is out at work, dd does an after school event with her bestest friend , if i dont know it is going to happen i can't organise a lift via my dm. this happens regularly, she stays after school without a lift organised.
but her bestfriend does too and gets a lift home and twice gthey have brought dd home but apparentyly they dont like to without it being reciprocated.
i mean - they have been bestfirneds since about 2007, why are the parents so mean.? they are coming this way anyway.

[HullyEastergully]

oh oh declutterbug. Where are you now? I'll come and offer you lifts.

I EVEN OFFER STRANGERS LIFTS. Old ladies waiting at bus stops i the rain.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

See, my problem with this thread isn't anything to do with the lifts.

It's the fact that Slarty obviously dislikes the other parents intensely, and has been pretty rude about them throughout the thread, but still complains that they might not give her dd a lift.

It seems that they have never not given her a lift, but she still says they are mean, nasty, frightening, unhelpful moaners.

[baffled]

[HullyEastergully]

Actually tho, what is really true is that you never know about the parents. Some people are really weird (no one in the OP necessarily) and the child may not want to say so. So should always just try and be kind to the child.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

See, Hully, from reading this thread it seems that the other parents have given Slarty's dd a lift home. They have never just left her there, and they have never complained to Slarty about it.

So maybe they are nice and helpful. Maybe their dd is just generally moaning about her parents (as teenagers tend to do).

Maybe the conversation went:

Other parents to their dd: "We are sick of you not organising things in advance and having to drop everything and collect you at the last minute. Sort it out"
Their dd: "Well slarty's dd is allowed to stay without notice"
Parents: "In that case why don't slarty's dd's parents collect you".
Translated by other dd as "my parents are so mean, they are always complaining about your parents not collecting us".

That's the type of conversation I can imagine dd having. Everything is my fault atm.

[HullyEastergully]

We need to speak to the other parents and GET THIS CLEAR.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

Exactly.

We need to find out exactly what is going on so we can JUDGE CORRECTLY

ffs

[HullyEastergully]

Slarty?

I'm afraid you are going to have to contact them and find out just what is going on.

Me and Mary need to know. We are invested in this now.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

I blame the teenagers, myself.

I have to, since everyone else blames the parents .

Anyway, I'm off to do taxi duty for one of mine. I wonder how many others will jump in the car while I'm not looking?

[HullyEastergully]

[slartybartfast]

ha ha, come back to this, and had a chuckle.


i think the scenario where my dd's friend heard her parents moan about my dd getting a lift, might be the case. sigh. i dont know.
but atually i can't ring to thank them n ow that would be silly bit late. i have texted to ask dd if she has after school but she hasnt replied. in the meantime other dd wants me to go up to school to bring something for her after school club

[mam29]

I think to say to op-I know what its like when school clubs change at last min friday was meant to be after school art club was canelled at short notice cue sprint to school 1.2miles with 2younger siblings in tow as I dont know anyone at school we ne, have no family nearby, freinds were in workm and tbh I have would never ask my freinds without kids to pick dd up and dh was in work.

I am dare I say it a non driver.

so sterotypically according to this thread and other parents I know im selfsh and always after lifts.

However in last 2years since dd been at school I have never asked for lifts and also have turned down many offers if

felt the preson was going out their way
would resent it, bitch aboit it or expect a favour back.

Only recenlty have i agreed to one mum giving dd the occasional lift as rainbows changed to 6-7 its dark i have 3year old and 18month old and its dark, it used to be mon 4.45-5.45 and uusally i do drop off and dh picks up but sometimes hes away or has to work lomg day.

There 3diffrent offers i reguarly turned down as

dident know them that well
dident really like the way mum spoke to her dd and knew she expect somesort of thjing in return.
One dident like very much -cant say why just made me feel uncomfortble

so yes i do walk a lot.

last year its seemed competition whon could chose most obscure rural locations for parties mostly on weekend when dh works

some i took 3buses each way to if dd really wanted to go

when expecting 3rd baby accepted couple of offers in late stage pf pregancy but because they offered not because i asked.

My freind whos no driver thinks I have a complex about what people think of non drivers and parents dont begrudge helping a child now and then but shes seems to ask for lifts all time and takes taxi i wont let mine in car without a carseat.

If its arranged in advance like one rainbow mum i know since dd was baby her best freinds mum gives her lifts to trips i always say thanks, text in advance time and place, sometimes make batch of cakes and biscuits to say really appreciate it.

Lasts week close freind at gym offered dd lift home which was fab but often my dh who does drive picks hers up too so swings in roundabouts.

In old school I have

waited with kids who were late in playground whos parents were late.

looked after kids of parents dont like or even children dont like that much

these things have mosty been one offs and not taken advantage of week in week out.

At last min got dh to pick up dd freind or have one over for tea walking another persons child home can be more challenging especially if whiney and not used to wallking the shoirt 15min trip we had back then.

Of course mines primary so its different but dont like being indebted to people but always do a good deed and don t expect things in return.

Yes the childs 15-I would hate my dd to be made to feel uncomfortable on lift home so in future would say no or take bus.
Its not worth the hassle.

I sometimes think phonecalls can be scary when dont know parents taht well could you text to clarify?

Its winter now dark early , weather bad I wouldent begrudge taking a child home if they lived close to me-cant see why this huge issue for people.

If its not convieniant and they going somewhere else then just say thats different.

Lastly from a non driver rant I dont expect lifts but sometimes when its tipping down and im crossinga very busy road by school with 3little ones I do think is it too much to expect some of the selfish parents in dds old school to let us cross but no they so busy with their own lives to let me cross the blooming road.

There are many reasons why people dont drive medical reasons, lots families cant run 2cars. Some parents have other kids to consider, some dont have any family or freinds locally to fall back on.I think in rural areas its even worse as buses less frequent .

I do 2 diffrent school runs, have no family nearby and hubby who works lots of hours I get by and resent the implication that im selfish and out for lift.

Ask yourselves if you were late stuck in trafffic, you were ill, family emergancy and your dd needed pocking up from school or a club who would you call? how would you resolve it? You be blooming lucky if you have support or be at the mercey of another parents generosity.

Im believer in karma what goes around comes around.

I cant imagine being so selfish and heartless about another childs safety or well being or always expecting something in return for every good deed I did its quite sad.

[Jins]

Two giving lifts threads going on the same day!

[HullyEastergully]

You wait ages for one...

[OatyBeatie]

Honestly, you'd think one of the lift-giving threads could have let the other one hop onboard, since they were both going the same way. Sheesh.

[mam29]

lol hullygully made me chuckle.

They are very different cases

the other threads about 1 lady clearly taking the piss.

This ones about a parent offering lift not being asked then resenting it.

fair enough if they going opposite direction or have something on.

but if live round corner and going same way and childs left at dark cold bustop then think its different.

Yes there are some people who will clearly take the piss

thats same about other things if life I have freind whos puts on me more so than I would like.

But ocassional favour-most people be greatful and wouldent take advantage .

[KellyEllyChristmasBelly]

They are mean. Tell them they are doing their bit for the planet by car sharing [grins]

[KellyEllyChristmasBelly]

or

[Spatsky]

On the offering lifte then resrenting it point, it isn't clear to me whether it is the parent or the friend that is offering the lift. It may be that the friend offers the lift without checking with parents and that parents bollocked her for not checking leading to the chinese whisper that said parents don't like giving other child lifts.

Also Oatybeatie

[Jins]

Tell them they are doing their bit for the planet by car sharing

Better still get rid of their car and walk with you.

mam29 I get what you're saying and I do agree. My personal preference not to have other people in my car doesn't extend to actually driving past people or leaving them unable to get to places.

[mirry2]

Once I picked up one of my dd's teenage friends who was waiting at the bus stop going to school. Her mother later phoned up absolutely furious with me as she said she had not given consent for me to give her a lift and if her dd had been injured in a accident while i was driving she would sue me! After that I was always very circumspect about giving lifts unless I had permission. (I have a clean driving licence btw so it couldn't have been because she was concerned about my driving skills).

[Latara]

The mean other parents could easily give the OP's DD a lift.

I think i'm in Seeker's parallel universe obviously.

I don't drive (epilepsy) but always offer to pay petrol money / buy coffees (not cheap round here) if i'm given a lift.

I have some friends who often plan outings based at another friend's place.

For me to reach her home involves in 2 long connecting bus journeys plus walks to stops & waits in usually cold & rainy weather all totalling at least 2 hours (one way!) of travel sickness, needing the loo, & getting paranoid if people laugh on the bus plus the stress if the connecting bus was too early or is too late!! Oh yes, & me on my own coping with partial seizures caused if it's sunny.*
For them to reach my home involves a 20min drive (maximum) which i offer to pay for in full. But no, i ''should be able to make the effort.'' Btw i rarely tell them about the seizures & paranoia because they don't understand.

My 'social' life is shite, really.

[jellybeans]

We have this issue on occasion because DH and I share a car at the moment (I am considering getting my own for this reason mainly-it can be restricting). I can get the car while DH gets a lift/bus if I know in advance otherwise she will try get a lift with a friend (they offer/don't mind) or get the bus/walk. I think it is good to teach them independence and making their own way to places sometimes-some kids are ferried everywhere. DD also has a friend whose parents don't have a car and we often give her lifts and don't mind at all, we never expect it to be reciprocated because they don't have a car at all. But it does grate when it is someone with a car who doesn't do their share out of sheer laziness and they try to tell you you are taking their kid and don't thank you at all. Do they know you don't have a car all the time?

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

They did give her a lift.

That's the whole fucking point.

Twice

[sigh]

slarty just doesn't want to be appreciative, say thank-you, reciprocate or talk to them about it though. So in fact would prefer it if they had just left her at the side of the road.

Then she would definitely not be unreasonable. As it is, well, erm, I think she is.

[MargoLeadbettersfrock]

Enid your stroppy teen- FML ! made me laugh

I think the DD friend told her parents that slartys DD had no way to get home -"pleeeese Mum can we give slartys DD a lift she has no way to get home "
They are peed off because they THINK you have not arranged anything .
I would ring and thank them, dropping into the conversation that its kind of them to drop your DD home so she didnt have to get the bus.
Having said that I dont mind giving lifts as I would rather they got home safe .

[KatieScarlett2833]

I drive all of Fife's teenagers around constantly EVERY DAY. Never reciprocated as am control freak who can't trust anyone to deliver my precious babies safely (sad but true).

I never bitch within earshot of DC or their hundreds of abandoned friends. Only to DH as I sometimes enjoy being a martyr to my self-made cause

But the bitching is still necessary. I really enjoy it.