to think a lift home when you are coming that way shouldnt cause angst.

[slartybartfast]

i have no car, dh is out at work, dd does an after school event with her bestest friend , if i dont know it is going to happen i can't organise a lift via my dm. this happens regularly, she stays after school without a lift organised.
but her bestfriend does too and gets a lift home and twice gthey have brought dd home but apparentyly they dont like to without it being reciprocated.
i mean - they have been bestfirneds since about 2007, why are the parents so mean.? they are coming this way anyway.

[slartybartfast]

well exactly seeker.
the first time their dd rung her parents. my dd rung me and i said you will have to take bus. but she got a lift.

[slartybartfast]

yes, i shal say, dont get a lift with your bf if it causes resentment, dm will pick you up and if it is too short notice, you either cant go or you could walk,

[slartybartfast]

thanks all

[kakapo]

from their pov, both girls need picking up and it is always them doing it. so saying you should do it sometimes seems fair, why should it always be them?

If you can't pick her up, tell your DD she can't just stay late without notice.

[shesariver]

Overcome what? Think youve missed something out.

[RyleDup]

Or you could just ring the parents, say thank you and explain the situation. And try and work out a plan about what to do in the future. Obviously I would give a child a lift home if they had no lift arranged. But to do it constantly with no communication from the parent about reciprocating would piss me off. You are coming across as rude and entitled.

[Jins]

Aargh I hate giving lifts. I do it but I hate it

It's the most selfish thing about me.

[slartybartfast]

and i hate not having a car

[RyleDup]

Just because you hate not having a car doesn't give you an excuse to be rude and entitled to those who do.

[Jins]

I'm sure you do hate it slarty, I would too.

My problem is that I have to spend ££££ to keep my car on the road so I can work. Others can make cost cutting exercises and lose the car. I wish I could when I see the bills.

[Viviennemary]

I think lifts should be reciprocated. I don't think favours should be taken for granted. It is polite to ask. A quick phone call can you bring my DD home is probably all they want not just taken for doormats.

[daytoday]

I was a non driver for many many years and would never 'expect' anyone to give my kids a lift home. My kids - my organisation problem. However, many parents did offer.

In fact, for most of us there is a lovely to and fro of help. But there are always a couple of parents who

1. will take your hand and bite it off if you offer anything and proceed to take the piss.
   
   
2. Get angsty that other parents 'who don't work/are going anyway' can't provide a taxi service for their kids. I find this attitude quite rude.
   
   
3. Never say thank you.
   
   This family are either mean - or there is more to this. Have you actually called them to ask if its OK? Arranged some way to repay the favour?

[slartybartfast]

thanks artex

i think people dont read everything i have written, or something.

[HullyEastergully]

The point surely is that those people are sorry-arsed meanies.

Why on earth not give someone a lift when you're going that way?

And things have a way of being reciprocated in other ways, a sleepover, an outing etc.

They are mean and nasty.

[Spatsky]

Or disagree

[Jins]

I'm not kicking you slarty and what you say is logical and makes sense. The non-drivers are in the moral highground on the lift issue because it IS no trouble to bring another child home when they are passing. It doesn't use any more fuel and it keeps another car off the road.

This puts me as a driver and car owner in an even more unpleasant position :) I just hate giving lifts. No real reason. I don't expect petrol money and I don't want to car share I just don't want to be responsible for someone else getting home. It is selfish as I said before but I pay an awful lot of money for the privilege of being selfish and it doesn't always work the way I like either as I do frequently give lifts.

[mirry2]

I wouldn't mind giving a lift a couple of times without any contact from the parents but after that I would think it very rude of them not to pick up the phone to thank me.

I have been in situations on the past where I've been the only one of my friends with a car and so I've operated like a local taxi service. I never minded doing it when it was my choice but with one friend I actually cooled the friendship when she started instructing me what time to pick up and drop, including taking her and her child to hospital for routine appointments, especially when she gleefully told me (while travelling home in my car)that she had been able to claim the bus fares (but didn't think to had them over to me - her chauffeur )

Sometimes it takes a while for me to realised I'm being taken advantage of.

[threesocksmorgan]

how do we know that this is not "out of their way"
what I mean is what if they had other plans, but had to cancel them to take your dd home?
or they needed alone time with their dd.
there could be loads of reasons.
at least they were nice a gave your dd a lift

[Spatsky]

I think calling them mean is harsh because the fact is they are actually doing the favour nod bringing the daughter home. Their crime seems to be not doing it as cheerily as op would like which, given the apparent complete lack of a basic thank you, is not entirely unreasonable.

[HullyEastergully]

They are being mean to even THINK of saying we don't want to give your dd, our dd's best friend since 2007, a lift home.

How would that thought even pop in your head? (Apart from horrid old Jins)

[prettybird]

I'm with seeker - I must live in a parallel universe.

I don't see what the problem is - or rather, it appears to be is the friends' parents who have a problem. Why the fk are they getting arsey about giving a list a whole two times

The OP can't be expected to pre-arrange a list if she doesn't know about it. The OP didn't expect nor ask for a lift. Her dd could make her own way home. In those circumstance, if you offer a lift, it should be with genuine altruistic reasons.

Or in this parallel universe, have we become mind readers?

And yes, I am a car driver. And yes, I have often given lifts to kids without expecting anything in return. And other parents (not necessarily of same kids) have given lifts to ds on occasion - and not got the hump because I haven't reciprocated.

Maybe they have but because I've just not noticed

When we have away games for the kids' rugby, we ask that people go via the club so that those that don't have transport can get lifts. Everyone is always happy to oblige and no-one expects it to be reciprocated. Think I'll stay in my nice happy parallel universe

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

what Hully said. And I am not even arselicking, honest

[Jins]

:(

I do give lifts though even though I hate it.