to think a lift home when you are coming that way shouldnt cause angst.

[slartybartfast]

i have no car, dh is out at work, dd does an after school event with her bestest friend , if i dont know it is going to happen i can't organise a lift via my dm. this happens regularly, she stays after school without a lift organised.
but her bestfriend does too and gets a lift home and twice gthey have brought dd home but apparentyly they dont like to without it being reciprocated.
i mean - they have been bestfirneds since about 2007, why are the parents so mean.? they are coming this way anyway.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Bahh yourself Begonia (is that possible???)

[BegoniaBampot]

I give folk lifts all the time going out my way - I don't mind and we can afford it. But, with the price of petrol and folk having to make cuts left, right and centre then it can be expensive business being the taxi and all those little extra miles and journeys are putting pressure on a lot of folks pockets, something those who aren't driving aren't having to deal with if someone else is saving them the journey. If someone is kind enough to save you the bother and the money then don't slag them off or think of them uncharitably.

[Hulababy]

If I was going that way it really wouldn't bother me to take another one at all. Not in the slightest. If it was inconvenient because we were going elsewhere I would say so but rest of time - hey, I'm there, why not? I don't need it reciprocating. Besides imo, esp with good friends, the other parents will do other stuff for my child too anyway - not necessarily the same thing, but maybe something else.

[freddiefrog]

YANBU

I have no problem with giving lifts if I'm going in the same direction. I'll even help friends out with lifts if I'm going the other way.

DD1's friend's mum doesn't drive, it's always me doing the Scout run, the swimming lesson run. Sometimes she buys me a bottle of wine, sometimes she invites my DD round for tea, it's nice of her, but it isn't necessary, I'm happy tI do it.

I'd feel quite selfish to leave someone to walk home on their own when I'm driving past their house

[BegoniaBampot]

These parents are being branded all manner of stuff on this forum over some dodgy teenage third hand information. Slarty obviously has some beef with them, result - she's managed to get a bunch of strangers on side to slag off these folk who kindly dropped off her daughter several times on some tenuous info. Sheep - bahhhhh!

[gettingeasier]

I wouldnt worry about such third hand information

If you live somewhere rural though I dont think you can wing it with lifts etc for your DD to get home although 16 is quite old I suppose

I live in the town and still seem to ferry various DC around , what goes around etc.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

Oh, yes, stupid me.

And get someone to come in and do the ironing. The washing/housework/washing up etc gets done automatically by the house fairy, apparently.

[AllDirections]

YANBU Another one here that doesn't mind giving lifts at all if I'm going that way or even if it means going out of my way to drop the DC's friends off. In fact when I go to collect one of my DCs and I see them coming towards me with friends in tow I automatically start sorting out the car so I can get them all in. I wouldn't ever expect parents to get involved once children get to about year 8. A thank you from the kids when I drop them off is enough.

My DD (12) has a friend whose parents have been a bit funny about lifts. I'm happy for my older DDs to walk or get the bus or train but these parents want to ferry their kids around like they're 5 years old. They won't even let my DD walk home from their house because it's 'too far' so they just have to bring her home. It's a mile for FFS. It's just like the walk to school. The parents made some comments to their DD and my DD a few weeks ago. I'm not going to phone and thank them because I'd rather my DD got the exercise by walking and that she becomes independent by using public transport.

[KatieScarlett2833]

And your Amazon password.......

[DameEnidsOrange]

Mary - you forgot to leave your cash card and PIN number for them

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

I just mutter at my children occasionally Katie.

Along the lines of "you wouldn't notice if I disappeared off the fact of the earth as long as I organised a Tesco deliver and a fucking 24 hour taxi "

[KatieScarlett2833]

You really should Jins

DH and I have a routine. It's almost competitive re the lift giving.

DH comes home from work;

"You'll never believe the day I've had, I've just spent 63 minutes in the car dropping off DD's friends. All of their parents have cars, why is it always meeeeeeeeee????"

"Welcome to my world KatieScarlett, At football on Sunday I had to collect 3 of the team before I could even set off, and drive 4 home!!! How DO these people expect their sons to participate in team sports if I weren't there? Hmm, Hmm????? AND one of their fathers was made redundant last week so it's not like he's to busy, (HUMPF)"

"I know, have any of their parents actually seen them play this season? I bet not. And while you were out on Sunday I had to take DD friend to A&E as her mum was out at work. What if I hadn't been there? She could have DIIIIEEED!!!! Well, not really died, but you get my point"

"I know what you mean, still at least our DC will never have to worry about having to walk anywhere home alone (SMUG)"

"Yes dear, they are soooo lucky to have such supportive parents (SMUGGER)"

Conclusion

DH and I agree between us how wonderful and selfless we are. And how we are much better parents than yeeeeooowh"

[Jins]

Maybe I should offer more lifts and use it as a source of moaning KatieScarlett. It's not something I've moaned about so far but I can see the potential.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Oh no, the parents are like me and just love to moan. You did them a service by providing the cause, OP.

[CinnabarRed]

OP - why are you scared of the parents? That might well be the key to explaining this whole thing.

And, yes, Hully and MaryZ are right - you have to talk to them to get to the bottom of this. After all, maybe they don't begrudge your DD a lift, in which case problem solved.

[KatieScarlett2833]

I drive all of Fife's teenagers around constantly EVERY DAY. Never reciprocated as am control freak who can't trust anyone to deliver my precious babies safely (sad but true).

I never bitch within earshot of DC or their hundreds of abandoned friends. Only to DH as I sometimes enjoy being a martyr to my self-made cause

But the bitching is still necessary. I really enjoy it.

[MargoLeadbettersfrock]

Enid your stroppy teen- FML ! made me laugh

I think the DD friend told her parents that slartys DD had no way to get home -"pleeeese Mum can we give slartys DD a lift she has no way to get home "
They are peed off because they THINK you have not arranged anything .
I would ring and thank them, dropping into the conversation that its kind of them to drop your DD home so she didnt have to get the bus.
Having said that I dont mind giving lifts as I would rather they got home safe .

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

They did give her a lift.

That's the whole fucking point.

Twice

[sigh]

slarty just doesn't want to be appreciative, say thank-you, reciprocate or talk to them about it though. So in fact would prefer it if they had just left her at the side of the road.

Then she would definitely not be unreasonable. As it is, well, erm, I think she is.

[jellybeans]

We have this issue on occasion because DH and I share a car at the moment (I am considering getting my own for this reason mainly-it can be restricting). I can get the car while DH gets a lift/bus if I know in advance otherwise she will try get a lift with a friend (they offer/don't mind) or get the bus/walk. I think it is good to teach them independence and making their own way to places sometimes-some kids are ferried everywhere. DD also has a friend whose parents don't have a car and we often give her lifts and don't mind at all, we never expect it to be reciprocated because they don't have a car at all. But it does grate when it is someone with a car who doesn't do their share out of sheer laziness and they try to tell you you are taking their kid and don't thank you at all. Do they know you don't have a car all the time?

[Latara]

The mean other parents could easily give the OP's DD a lift.

I think i'm in Seeker's parallel universe obviously.

I don't drive (epilepsy) but always offer to pay petrol money / buy coffees (not cheap round here) if i'm given a lift.

I have some friends who often plan outings based at another friend's place.

For me to reach her home involves in 2 long connecting bus journeys plus walks to stops & waits in usually cold & rainy weather all totalling at least 2 hours (one way!) of travel sickness, needing the loo, & getting paranoid if people laugh on the bus plus the stress if the connecting bus was too early or is too late!! Oh yes, & me on my own coping with partial seizures caused if it's sunny.*
For them to reach my home involves a 20min drive (maximum) which i offer to pay for in full. But no, i ''should be able to make the effort.'' Btw i rarely tell them about the seizures & paranoia because they don't understand.

My 'social' life is shite, really.

[mirry2]

Once I picked up one of my dd's teenage friends who was waiting at the bus stop going to school. Her mother later phoned up absolutely furious with me as she said she had not given consent for me to give her a lift and if her dd had been injured in a accident while i was driving she would sue me! After that I was always very circumspect about giving lifts unless I had permission. (I have a clean driving licence btw so it couldn't have been because she was concerned about my driving skills).

[Jins]

Tell them they are doing their bit for the planet by car sharing

Better still get rid of their car and walk with you.

mam29 I get what you're saying and I do agree. My personal preference not to have other people in my car doesn't extend to actually driving past people or leaving them unable to get to places.

[Spatsky]

On the offering lifte then resrenting it point, it isn't clear to me whether it is the parent or the friend that is offering the lift. It may be that the friend offers the lift without checking with parents and that parents bollocked her for not checking leading to the chinese whisper that said parents don't like giving other child lifts.

Also Oatybeatie

[KellyEllyChristmasBelly]

or