to think a lift home when you are coming that way shouldnt cause angst.

[slartybartfast]

i have no car, dh is out at work, dd does an after school event with her bestest friend , if i dont know it is going to happen i can't organise a lift via my dm. this happens regularly, she stays after school without a lift organised.
but her bestfriend does too and gets a lift home and twice gthey have brought dd home but apparentyly they dont like to without it being reciprocated.
i mean - they have been bestfirneds since about 2007, why are the parents so mean.? they are coming this way anyway.

[seeker]

Yes. Why?

[Quadrangle]

When you do know about after school activities in advance and can arrange with your mum, see if your mum would give their daughter a lift to reciprocate.

[HipHopOpotomus]

Seems like there is a bit of attitude between you?

However I would never pick my child up, and leave her friend to catch the bus when I am going her way. That would be mean & unnecessary & petty too. Apart from doing a favour for YOU, I would be doing something easy and nice for my DD and her friend by offering the lift.

If it's not out of their way they do sound mean yes.

[frantic51]

I'm living with seeker in the same parallel universe! I really don't see the problem if they are travelling your way and it seems a totally pointless waste of the world's energy/resources to have two cars making roughly the same journey. However, if you are without a car atm and can't do your share of the lifts, I would definitely offer them some petrol money, even if it's only the bus fares your dd is saving by getting a lift.

[Fakebook]

I don't know. If it was an adult, I'd be a bit about why they couldn't get home themselves. For example, I used to work with a man who lived quite close to our workplace and could walk to work. Once he started asking me for regular lifts home as I "was going that way" anyway. I was ok at first, but stopping the car and finding a place to park so he could get out safely would put 3 mins on my travelling time and it made a big difference on how quickly I could pick up dd from nursery. I had to end up telling him that I wouldn't do it anymore.

You can't rely on people just because they drive, but once a week for a child I wouldn't think twice as I wouldn't want my dd walking home alone at night either. Maybe you should go and pick her up walking instead?

[Chopstheduck]

Even if I WAS going that way anyway for my own child, I would prefer to find someone that would reciprocate, so that we could both share the lifts. I have four kids to run around, so feel like a taxi service most of the time anyway.

I have two agreements with other mums where we lift share for our dc on a regular basis and it works out nicely cutting down on the running around for BOTH of us. I only have to do one school run a day


I'd be happy to occasionally pick up a child for a non driver too (and have done so), but it isn't something I'd really want to do on a regular basis, because I'd rather make reciprocal driving arrangements. Which may be where they are coming from.

[Spatsky]

I misunderstood and thought you were not able to reciprocate. If you are in a position do reciprocate you do need to offer to do so, and that you haven't until now is probably the cause of the grumpiness.

[MrsBucketxx]

cause its normally a non driver saying this sort of thing.

i have a friend this week who want me yo come to hers its 1.5 hour drive and would cost about 20pounds in petrol. she thinks this is nothing as i drive, "its not like im catching the bus or train is it" aaarrrrgghh

[winterhill]

I have no problems with giving lifts to and the same venues to other children if their parents haven't got cars and we are all fairly local.
No skin off my nose tbh.

When the kids were smaller it was fun listening to their conversations!
This issue isn't really something I would sweat over.

[HipHopOpotomus]

Do you show them your appreciation?

I wouldn't think offering petrol money would be appropriate if they aren't going out of their way, but do let them know how much you & DD appreciate the lift (esp as you no longer have car) and perhaps get them a bottle of something around Xmas time with a car saying "thanks so much for giving DD a lift home from club"?

[avivabeaver]

ha! you could be speaking about some parents of one of dd1's friends.

i happily give lifts to all and sundry- don't count up (except the 11.30pm ones on a saturday), never leave a teenager behind unless i know they have a lift. would rather go out of my way than risk being on a crimewatch reconstruction "avivabeaver was the last person to see her alive."

however, her friend lives 7 doors away from us. they have been friends since they were 4, they are 17 now. they will never, under any circumstances offer a lift anywhere. they will drive past our house. i can only assume that at some point in about 2001, i missed "a turn" at something or other.

i will give regular lifts to those without cars if it is the same direction etc. The odd thank you keeps me sweet.

[StanleyLambchop]

The question is, do you reciprocate in any way? Or offer petrol money? Most people would probably not accept it under the circumstances but still like the offer to be made. You could also offer a bottle of wine or some flowers, just to show your gratitude.

Do you have your DD's friend over to yours a lot? Perhaps invite her over for the day mentioning that you wish to do something in return for their kind favour of bringing your DD home. Something like that. It will show you appreciate what they are doing and are attempting to even things out.

I am often called for lifts, I don't mind if I am going that way anyway, but would certainly be resentful if it were 'expected' of me with no word of thanks or occasional reciprocal arrangements.

[StanleyLambchop]

Sorry, took so long to type that I x-posted with loads of people! graet minds and all that!

[slartybartfast]

they do drop and run, so i dont know about it, i woudl have to run out, and i can only reciprocate if i know the day before, i cant even pick up if i dont know in advance

[TheReturnOfBridezilla]

I drive but remember what a pita it was when I didn't so am happy to give lifts to anyone who needs one tbh. Especially children!

[squeakytoy]

if you havent spoken to them, how do you know they are unhappy about it?

[slartybartfast]

i know becasuse their dd told my dd. this is despite the fact that their dd offered - i know i know they are within their rights as it were to begrudge, but the fact that the girls are bestfriends and have been for a long time i would have thought the parents wwould be kinder

[fluffyraggies]

They may not realise that your daughter does not actually tell you when she is going to stay late at school until it is late for you to ask them in advance.

^^ this.

I bet this is 90% of the problem at least! Plus the fact that you haven't reciprocated yet OP.

I understand though. I drive, and in the past during some of the 3 DCs different friendships i've ended up being the 'do'er' mum. The one who takes the friend out with us allot, drives DC and friend to clubs, has all the sleepovers, etc. In other friendships i've felt like the 'taker' mum. The other mum has seemed to always been taking the initiative and organising fun stuff for DC and friend. Or having them over for BBQs etc. Making me feel a bit guilty somehow.

We have one of the later on the go at the mo. My youngest's best friend's mum always seems to jump in and do the driving! I'm doing my damndest to get the friend into our car and give her a bloomin lift somewhere at the mo before the other mum gets in there first again! Arrrgggghhh.

Think i may have cracked it with upcoming netball classes for the pair of them after school. Conversation about the getting a home situation yesterday, between me and DD ended with me shouting firmly saying NO, I WILL DO THE LIFTS, OK?!

Competitive reciprocation ...

[slartybartfast]

and i do have history with them, can we borrow this > and this and this,

meanness is obviously in their nature.

[dreamingofsun]

perhaps they feel the kindness is only going one way. have you done things over the years when you did have a car?

[DragonMamma]

I really think that you need to show some gratitude to them for bringing your DD home, so if that means standing in the window, waiting to break in to sprint with bottle of wine in hand, then so be it.

There seems to be a lot of reasons why you can't do things.

I'd be peeved if it was just assumed that I would be giving somebody's teenage child a lift home regularly. I'm assuming you either have their number or could get it? What's stopping you calling them to express your thanks at saving your DD a bus journey?

[DeWe]

Why don't you phone the parents up, explain the situation and offer petrol money?