to think a lift home when you are coming that way shouldnt cause angst.

[slartybartfast]

i have no car, dh is out at work, dd does an after school event with her bestest friend , if i dont know it is going to happen i can't organise a lift via my dm. this happens regularly, she stays after school without a lift organised.
but her bestfriend does too and gets a lift home and twice gthey have brought dd home but apparentyly they dont like to without it being reciprocated.
i mean - they have been bestfirneds since about 2007, why are the parents so mean.? they are coming this way anyway.

[slartybartfast]

yes, when i had a car we had arrangements with various parents and whatnot, but now when it goes to pot, when it is unexpected, i am not imrpessed with their attitude.

[slartybartfast]

i will perhaps ring them, and explain.

[DragonMamma]

They aren't being mean, ffs. They are bringing YOUR child home, whether it's on their way or not, it's not their job to do it (it's yours). The least you could do is not be so bloody grabby and expecting and actually show some thanks.

So far all I have gleaned is you don't drive, you dont know in advance when this club is, you can't run out to thank them etc. Is there anything you CAN do?

[slartybartfast]

ouch

[AnnIonicIsoTronic]

This would bug me for the potential to segue into 'but we assumed you'd be bringing her' - e.g. If they had other plans, or their dd was unwell , or if the girls were bickering.

I think you need to have your own plans in place & trowel on the gratitude so it is clear that every lift has the status of 'favour' not 'duty'

[Helltotheno]

I'd always give a lift in this scenario and wouldn't expect reciprocation, just the odd thanks. Makes no difference to me filling the seats up in my car if we're all going the same way.

Separately to that, OP it's obvious there's no love lost on either side so I'd prefer keep my independence in that case. If you don't have any regard for them, no point in using them for lifts.

Separately to that again, I have a found, with a couple of exceptions, that people you offer lifts to who don't drive get a bit presumptuous about that over time... just sayin'

[shesariver]

I find it a bit annoying that you keep going on about them being mean really and I agree with dragonmamma.

[BeatTheClock]

The point with any regular activities my dc do is that if we don't have a plan A in place for getting there and back set in stone, they don't do it.

An offered lift is nice, but I wouldn't be counting on it unless it was previously discussed and part of the 'plan A, set in stone' arrangements.

That's the key here. If it's regular it needs to be acknowledged first. You need to talk to them or say thank you.

Dh used to help at scouts. There were two dc there to whom he would regularly give lifts all over the place. He didn't mind even though it was out of his way. If he hadn't they wouldn't have been able to go. But not one word of thanks did he ever get from two sets of parents

[slartybartfast]

particularly now its winter and dark earlier, i think i will say, if dm is not picking you up you are not staying on. problem easiest solved.

[slartybartfast]

when i had a car i wouldnt think twice about giving lifts to and from school to those that didnt.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

You are unimpressed with their attitude?

You mean attitude that they don't like having to give unexpected lifts at the last minute on a regular basis to someone who has never bothered to offer to reciprocate even though they could?

You are right. How could they possibly be so awful.

Perhaps they are as unimpressed with your attitude as I am.

[slartybartfast]

they are coming this way anyway,

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

You are spectacularly missing the point.

[slartybartfast]

it is a help for their dds bestfriend, who forgot to organise a lift, who could walk. but they dont like to be kind.

[slartybartfast]

they do it begrudgingly

[MrsBucketxx]

thats the problem assuming everyone else is like you, when clearly the're not

[slartybartfast]

no, they are not, they probably think my dd shouldnt do after school activities

[MrsBucketxx]

if you cant pick her up then no she shouldnt, your dd is your responsibility.

[maddiemostmerry]

You sound like you hate this family, wonder if they pick up on that?

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

No, they don't think your dd shouldn't do after school activities. They think she should do after school activities and that you, as her parent, should pre arrange how she is going to get home instead of relying on them when you haven't even had the courtesy to ask or offer to reciprocate. There is a big difference.

[DragonMamma]

Wow, OP, you sound very very dim indeed. If you can't grasp the fact that just because they drive past your house that giving YOUR DD a lift is doing YOU a favour, then you need a reality check.

I would do it bloody begrudgingly if I knew you had your attitude - it stinks.

YOUR daughter, YOUR responsibility. THEIR daughter, THEIR responsibility. Forget the fact that their DD is your DD's best friend. They are ensuring YOUR daughter gets home safely, as you are failing to do so.

You sound very very unpleasant.

I think you should tell your DD she's no longer going to the club without a prearranged lift and call them to thank them for the lifts so far.

Failing that, take responsibility for your own daughter and get a bloody bus to meet her from the group.

[DragonMamma]

'they don't like to be kind'

Well, neither do you.

Saying 'thank you' to somebody, is being kind.

[shesariver]

they are coming this way anyway

Do you mean to sound so entitled? You really arent coming across here well at all.

[slartybartfast]

erm it is not on a regular basis. it is unarranged twice. but still live and learn. and perhaps because of the history -

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

So what actually brought you to starting this thread? What happened to make you think they are mean?