to think a lift home when you are coming that way shouldnt cause angst.

[slartybartfast]

i have no car, dh is out at work, dd does an after school event with her bestest friend , if i dont know it is going to happen i can't organise a lift via my dm. this happens regularly, she stays after school without a lift organised.
but her bestfriend does too and gets a lift home and twice gthey have brought dd home but apparentyly they dont like to without it being reciprocated.
i mean - they have been bestfirneds since about 2007, why are the parents so mean.? they are coming this way anyway.

[slartybartfast]

well, the fact that our dds are best friends, and twice the parents have unexpectedly bought our dd home but dont like to unless it is reciprocated. and i dont have a car, i cant unexpectedly pick up.
its like their friendship counts for nothing.
thats all
and as soon as i posted i realised my mistake, aibu is a pit, turns out i am very very unpleasant. who knew?

[seeker]

"cause its normally a non driver saying this sort of thing.

i have a friend this week who want me yo come to hers its 1.5 hour drive and would cost about 20pounds in petrol. she thinks this is nothing as i drive, "its not like im catching the bus or train is it" "

there is a difference between 1.5 hours out of your way and NOT OUT OF YOUR WAY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!

And no, it's not usually non drivers- it's sensible, non uptight people who occasionally think about the future of the planet. And people who are not always looking for "issues".

In the situation in the op, I would actually be thinking I was doing a favour for dd's friend rather than her parents- we're talking 16 year old's here! Presumably she says thank you?

[shesariver]

Its a bit unfair to suddenly turn round now because some people think YABU and talk about this being a "pit" simply because some people dont agree with you - I dont think anyone here has been rude yet you are coming across with a very entitled attiutde and calling the other parents mean when - and this is the important bit - you have never actually spoken to them about organising lifts for your DD!

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

But how do you know that don't like to if its not reciprocated?

And what's wrong with them expecting a favour to be reciprocated anyway, especially if they know that you do arrange lifts sometimes?

You are taking it too far by saying its like their friendship counts for nothing. If the friendship counted for nothing they would not even have done it twice if they didn't want to.

Couldn't it be that they understandably don't want it to turn it into a regular thing, especially as you haven't a tally asked for their help. Or could it be that your dd is embarrassed that she is accepting the lift when she knows you won't offer to return the favour, so she was encouraging you to try and sort something else out with her?

[valiumredhead]

I give ds's mates lifts all the time - as do his mates' friends, don't give it a second thought

[DowntonTrout]

But how is their DD managing to arrange her own lift home?

Surely there must be some notice given to the after school activity if she is able to notify her parents she needs collecting. Is it something that just happens on the day? Maybe they just feel it is expected of them and if their DD can plan accordingly why can't yours?

I think I would be a bit put out to turn up to collect my DD, when she had let me know, to find someone else's DD just expecting a lift as well. Of course I would always offer, but if it kept happening and I had had no contact or thanks from the parents I would feel a bit used.

I think your expectations that they should just be happy to do this are a bit high, and I think you need to tell your DD that she needs to be a bit more organised. She is not their responsibility.

[missnevermind]

Jumping in with both feet.

They are 15/16, why is a lift needed at all?

[shinyblackgrape]

I think the problem is that there has been a total lack of communication here.

Can you phone the friend's parents? Firstly to thank them but also to discuss lifts in an ongoing basis? I would have something to offer in return. So can DM be tee-ed up to do some lifts? Ideally alternate shots. Once you explain the position, they may very well offer to do all if they are passing you. However, I have to say, I would think it a bit rude that you hadnt contacted me or nipped out to say thank you.

Even if I were passing, it's still a favour (not a right) that your DD is given a lift and I would expect to be thanked and for there to be some offer of reciprocity or an explanation as to why that wasn't possible.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

This thread is weird.

I don't have any problem dropping kids home. I would never leave a teenager to walk in the dark, or alone at night anywhere. Even if it means going out of my way.

But if I thought the child's parents disliked me intensely, thought I was mean, wasn't at all appreciative of me driving their children and had no intention ever of reciprocating, I might start getting a bit miffed.

ds has one friend whose mum never drives children anywhere, despite the huge number of times I and other parents have taken her son. And I must say, I'm getting a bit sick of him, even though he is a nice child. He is always waiting, assuming I or someone else will drive him.

[slartybartfast]

well, thanks for whoever suggested i get on a bus to meet her, which next time there is an unexpected after school i might do that, the first time they gave her a lift, and this is twice remember, i had said, go to the bus.

[slartybartfast]

i dont think they know my feelings.

[threesocksmorgan]

yabu they are not mean , who should they be put out because you don't drive?

[tabbytolst]

they're coming this way anyway

Only because they're picking up their DD. If the lift was reciprocated they wouldn't have to get the car out to start with.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

Well they wouldn't would they? You have bothered to contact them.

[slartybartfast]

my dm wouldnt mind doing it every time, she lieks to pick up, she likes an oporutnity to help. and i am sure she wouldnt mind picking up their dd but it was unexpected. and couldnt be helped and the club happened. i am blaming my dd and will be having words, not to rely on people and agree perhaps my expectations were too high.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I think they sound mean-spirited. YANBU

[slartybartfast]

frankly i am scared of parents , other parents I would say thanks and offer reciprocity

[nokidshere]

I can never help out with after school lifts but I would never collect my child and leave another waiting if I was going the same way as them - that seems very unfriendly to me.

Last time one of my boys wanted to do an after s chool club I simply posted on fb asking if anyone elses children were doing the club and was someone willing to bring my child home for me. I had lots of offers in minutes - none of them grudging!

[seeker]

yabu they are not mean , who should they be put out because you don't drive?"

becasue they are jot being put out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slartybartfast]

i must overcome and ring them, if it happens again.

[slartybartfast]

facebook, good idea.

[seeker]

Usually when I give my 16 year old's friends lifts, the parents aren't involved at all.

[BegoniaBampot]

If it's unplanned and you know nothing of the activity then how do these parents know to pick up their daughter? Are they mind readers? I think you have a cheek expecting them to do you favour when you obviously don't like them and are here slagging them off.

[MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember]

How come their dd knew that the after-school thing was on, and contacted her parents for a lift.

But your dd didn't know?

I think a word with your dd would be a good start. And if it is going to be a regular occurrence, then maybe your mum could bring their dd home sometimes.

But it sounds to me that you really don't like them at all. In which case, don't let your dd go in their car. That means they don't feel resentful, and you don't feel resentful that they feel resentful.

Of course, your dd might either have to walk a long way or not go to her club, but that's ultimately your choice.