Awful situation over inheritance-who is BU?

[whoisright]

I have namechanged as this is such a volatile subject in my family....despite the fact that nobody has even died yet

It is a long story and it is bothering me every day because I do not know what to do or say and it is causing no end of upset and stress within the family.

I am the eldest of 3, our parents divorced years ago. My mum lives in family home (big-ish house in good area) with my younger sister who is planning on moving out soon with her dp so they can live together.

HOWEVER dsis has some health issues (epilepsy) and our mum wants to provide for her so the house will (when our parents have died) go to her, if she has moved out she will just move straight back in again and take it over (no mortgage so she wont have to worry about paying as she has no job).

I have accepted this, but my brother is livid. absolutely livid and has said there is no way he will accept this, he wants the house sold and the money split 3 ways. He has said that yes, she is ill but that we all have problems in our lives and it shouldnt be just one child that is provided for.
He himself has a good job, 2 children but a lot of debt and is renting so sees the money as possibly a deposit for a house and he has mentioned to me that my circumstances are not great (we live in a council house, have 4 dcs with a genetic condition and debts too) but really after living with my sister and seeing her every day I know she will never really be able to work so will not get a chance to get a house like that-she is currently waiting for a council flat to move in with her dp temporarily untill time comes that hey get the family home.

I think my brother should really give this up now, stop going on about it and just accept it like I have. The last thing I want in a few years time is to be caught up in a horrible battle over a house. Yes, that amount of money would be life changing but at the end of the day it is my mums house and it is her choice which of her children she leaves it to.

It is causing a lot of tension between my brother and sister they are both gearing up towards a huge fight over this at some point and I dont know what to say. What do i do?

Why on earth are you protecting your sister?

Dont you see you owe her nothing? Her epilepsy has nothing to do with this IMO. Its a red herring, an excuse your mother uses to let your sister rule.

You need to tell your dad. This isnt RIGHT. It's also illegal. Or tell your brother. He is completely in the right about this.

but for the last ten years i have been told it s ALL to do with her epilepsy and provision has to be made for her

whos you have been manipulated and abused by two very toxic people: your sister and her enabler, your mother, who colludes with her entirely.

FUCK them both - their lies, her epilepsy and their sheer awfulness at how they've treated you and your children. Your children do not need these people in their lives; they seem to do nothing but damage.

I'm very on your behalf and your children's.

Show this to your brother at the very least.

And try to find a way to get some support and counselling for these toxic relatives whom you really need to get out of your life and that of your children.

We don't live in the olden days were people with epilepsy had to have 'provisions' made for them. Most are capable of taking care of themselves and they do it brilliantly! Your sister sounds more than capable, and the fact she wants kids again instils this. Theyve given you a bullshit excuse OP :(

she's had too much mothering and been thoroughly spoilt.

If it was all to do with her support needs would your dad have a problem with it?

Sounds like that is an ideal opportunity to talk to him about it, if its true and above board he will confirm that.

if anything print this outband hand a copy to all parties involved.

out and not outband

I think that at the least you owe it to your Dad to say something-even if via your brother.

Does she sleep downstairs, is there a downstairs bathroom, has her epilepsy suddenly worsened?

If not, she´s managed 11yrs there & suddenly can´t anymore!

I cannot believe that she called the police & that your mum sided with her.

I wouldn´t want anything from them-they sound disgusting, but I´d have to do/say something for father´s sake & I´m afraid to stop the sister getting the house.

she has 1-2 absence seizures a week, no 'big' ones for 6.5 years. she is on a lot of med and gets really tired. my mum has said there is no way dsis wil ever be able to work so she has to be provided for. my grandma (mums side) agrees with this too.

Me and db have always come second. the way my mum and sister see it we are healthy she says she could have a huge fit and die any day.

If she has been given a council home on the basis of her illness, there will be proof that she has nit always lived at home.

she sleeps upstairs house open plan so she told council she couldnt sleep downstairs and also as there is no d stairs loo.

but she is not dead is she, spoilt totally spoilt.

"the way my mum and sister see it we are healthy she says she could have a huge fit and die any day."

Best not to be planning a family then...

Haven't read the whole thread but if your sister is well enough to consider having babies she is well enough to get a job . Yes she could have a massive fit and die but equally you or your brother could have a massive heart attack and die . Your mother is being grossly unfair .

yes she has always been 'favourite' but since her diagnosis it got out of hand I think my mum truly thought she would lose her she was so ill initially .

does your sister know she is being a brat.

I think she really believes she is entitled to 'extra' because of having epilepsy. She can sometimes be really nice and in those moments I do actually feel sorry for her as I have seen how ill she has been.

She is spoilt though and can be selfish harsh and abrupt. She seems to think the world owes her and that allowances should be made because of her illness. Usually i can ignore things but the constant talking about her getting the house is getting to me.

Has your dm physically told you to your face what she wants done when she's gone or is all the info you are receiving from dsis? All sounds a bit odd to me! I wonder if you are being told the whole truth! If your dad owns a % is it not up to him what happens to it?

yes my mum wants dsis to be able to have the house but is worried db will force the sale to get his 'share'.

Your mum needs to get a grip and stop coddling your sister.

I have the same type of epilepsy as your sister. Except I have maybe 5 or so abscences a day, rather than a week. No big ones for 5 years now. She is not going to have a huge fit and die. With the kind of epilepsy we both share, I know for a fact that (with the exception of very extreme circumstances) it would be INCREDIBLY unlikely.

Yes, its hard to work. Epilepsy in general is bloody hard work! I also take a lot of medications and sometimes I am so tired and in so much pain that I feel like my body might literally disintergrate. I can barely haul myself to work. But I do. Every day.

My mum has put a little money away for me, knowing that one day my health MAY worsen and I might be in trouble (I've told her to go on holiday with it if not!) in the way I imagine most people with a child with disabilities will have thought about providing for their future if the worst should happen. However, the most important thing she has given to me is a sense of self reliance, and that I should be the one to provide for myself.

Split the house, it's time your sister stood on her own two feet.

they are presuming our dad will die before our mum therefore his share goes to her then its all hers to give to who she wants.

he said when dsis got dx he would not push for the sale. he moved away last year to devon as could no longer afford to live in london. I miss him. he presumes when they are both gone house will be divided equally.

he should, he is well within his rights to do this,

your father will have a say too hopefully he will force a sale so it will be fair on all sides. your brother and yourself have children that more need than your sister anyday.

your dad needs to enforce a sale now, sooner rather than later.

your dad NEEDS to be told what is happening, the majority of his children will be excluded.

Your dad ought to be informed. It is crazy that he owns a third, you are all his children and this might be happening without his knowledge.