Awful situation over inheritance-who is BU?

[whoisright]

I have namechanged as this is such a volatile subject in my family....despite the fact that nobody has even died yet

It is a long story and it is bothering me every day because I do not know what to do or say and it is causing no end of upset and stress within the family.

I am the eldest of 3, our parents divorced years ago. My mum lives in family home (big-ish house in good area) with my younger sister who is planning on moving out soon with her dp so they can live together.

HOWEVER dsis has some health issues (epilepsy) and our mum wants to provide for her so the house will (when our parents have died) go to her, if she has moved out she will just move straight back in again and take it over (no mortgage so she wont have to worry about paying as she has no job).

I have accepted this, but my brother is livid. absolutely livid and has said there is no way he will accept this, he wants the house sold and the money split 3 ways. He has said that yes, she is ill but that we all have problems in our lives and it shouldnt be just one child that is provided for.
He himself has a good job, 2 children but a lot of debt and is renting so sees the money as possibly a deposit for a house and he has mentioned to me that my circumstances are not great (we live in a council house, have 4 dcs with a genetic condition and debts too) but really after living with my sister and seeing her every day I know she will never really be able to work so will not get a chance to get a house like that-she is currently waiting for a council flat to move in with her dp temporarily untill time comes that hey get the family home.

I think my brother should really give this up now, stop going on about it and just accept it like I have. The last thing I want in a few years time is to be caught up in a horrible battle over a house. Yes, that amount of money would be life changing but at the end of the day it is my mums house and it is her choice which of her children she leaves it to.

It is causing a lot of tension between my brother and sister they are both gearing up towards a huge fight over this at some point and I dont know what to say. What do i do?

There is always another side to it!

Come on!

then move them all-apparently that will be on the very day my mum dies to stop our brother getting into the house first and 'claiming' it.I ave been told they do not want my dad or brothr finding out when she moves out then on day when my mum dies it will be as if she never lived anywhere else-apparently this will help her case

If your Dad owns 33% then no one can legally own the house without his say so. Speak to a lawyer or put this in the legal thread. Your sis seems to be imagining some fantasy.

legal thread

The issue is though that the OP's dad is older and in poor health so it is assumed that the mother will outlive him, inherit his portion and then pass it to toxic sister (TS).

This is why I think that the dad needs to know what is planned so he can decide what he wants to do now while he still can. Presumably he knows more of the story than we do (nod to Amber).

Not read all of thread, can see its a tricky one. Could your mum not leave the house to be used by your sister in her lifetime but upon her death the house be sold and the proceeds split between all grandchildren. That way it's much fairer in you and your bro as well as looking after your dsis.

NOT everybody's epilepsy is easily controlled. 30% of people do not gain any meaningful sort of seizure control.

The list of drugs I have been on in the almost 9 years since my diagnosis?

Lamotrigine - gained no seizure control whatsoever.
Tegretol - gained some (not full) control of my seizures, but caused my liver to go into early liver failure, so had to be taken off them.
Epilim - I was allergic to it, quite severely.
Gabapentin - I am currently on an enormous dose of this. I have far from anything approaching seizure control, I have 3 different types of seizures, and all the Gabapentin is doing is lessening the frequency of the focal seizures from 3 times a day to 1-7 a week. My myoclonic and absence seizures have been treated with different adjuncts, none of which have helped much.

As an adjunct to Gabapentin, I have been on :

Topamax - permanently damaged my eyesight, I now have no peripheral vision, and am classed as permenantly sighted. It also caused worrying behaviour changes similar to Bipolar, which stopped when the medication was ceased.

Zarontin - helped my absence seizures, but worsened my myoclonic seizures to the point that I was basically in myo status. I had to discontinue the medication.

They are currently debating between Keppra and acetazolomide as last ditch adjunct therapies. Neither of which combination will control all 3 of my seizure types.

I have not worked in 4 years, and that was only part time for 6 months until the shop suddenly closed down. I had been out of work (and seeking work) for two years before landing THAT job.

I was medically retired twice before I was 27. It's NOT a nice position to be in.

I am explaining this for the poster who so dismissively said that epilepsy is easy to control and anyone can work with epilepsy. That just ISN'T true. 30% of people with epilepsy gain no meaningful control of it. It's great for that poster that all the people with epilepsy (hate the term 'epileptic', it reduces you to being your disability first, rather than a person first) that they know are in the other 70%. I'm glad for them. Because I wouldn't wish being like this on my worst enemy.

HOWEVER, that said...

To me, the mother is being unfair. Yes, the OP's sister has epilepsy. The OP and her brother aren't exactly sitting in piles of roses though, are they? The OP might be ok with it, for her own sanity, but her brother isn't. Because it IS unfair. The house should be sold, a smaller property should be bought for the OP's sister, and the OP and her brother should split the rest. The OP's mum has been exceedingly unfair and divisive.

OP, I'm with your brother. Of course parents can do what they like but good parents don't have favourites! My IL's have done a similar thing and it has caused a huge amount of upset among dh and his siblings.

FWIW, I am one of four and my sister has SNs. She does work but it's through a work scheme for people with SNs
What is happening in our family is that my mother is splitting everything four ways but giving my sister with SNs a bit more than the rest of us.

The other thing I would say is, what about your dc's and your brother's dc's? If your dc's have a genetic condition, presumably there are things that money would help with? Your sister might not be able to have dc's for all you know and why does she have the right to raise her theoretical children in the home that is denied to your children.

Also, if your dsis can't work, how does she think she will look after children? Looking after small children is more challenging that most jobs and I say that as a working mum.

I think your Mum is being very unfair and I think you're so downtrodden by the pair of them that you just accept it.

Why did your parents split ?

Was DSis an issue then ?

If Dad has no will, when he dies won't a third go to the children. So they are each entitled to a third of a third (mother gets 2/3). Or is that a third of a third of a third(33%) of house value.

Anyway, that should scupper the Dsis's plans.

Have just looked online and I think wife gets first 250,000 so it depends on the value of the house.
But OP still recommend asking on legal thread.

Oh my god OP. This is SO not about a house or money. This is about how family members treat other family members and the inheritance of the house is a bit of a red herring in all of this, although it has helped bring the issues into sharp focus. I really think that you should talk to your brother and show him this thread as the 2 of you really are being very hard done by in this situation. Your mother and sister sound, I am afraid, absolutely awful, and I am quite sure they are hatching a plan for your sister to live the life of Riley in the house while everyone else may as well be out on the street (in fact, we know that they are quite happy for your children to be put out on the street at night and kicked out of their home). Please, talk to the people in your family who have seen right through this awful pair. You have a responsibility to make sure your children are safe and secure and provided-for. You have no such responsibly towards an adult sister (who, notwithstanding the epilepsy, does have other means of survival without taking up all the family resources). Of course this may not work as your mother may, frankly, be using the epilepsy as an excuse not to have to fight with your sister about it, but a will made under duress from your sister will be on difficult ground to begin with. I know you don't want a fight about this because a fight would be awful. Unfortunately, the alternative of taking it on the chin seems far worse.

After reading the whole story, OP, if I were you I would happily tell both your mum and your DSis where they could stick the house, wish them luck and never ever talk to them or see them again. All the money in the world could not make up for having to share those two women's misery and bitterness. You have a beautiful family of your own, plus a brother who seems to love you. Your mum and sister do not deserve anything from you.

It is your mother's house, not your brother's. What she does with it is entirely her choice. What she says in her will is what matters.

Has your father got a will that states his third will go to your mother? If not as they are divorced surely his third will split between the three of you. I would also wonder about your mothers financial situation. Should she live for another 30-40 years she will need a very good pension when she retires to maintain a big house by herself. If this goes ahead your sister could end up losing the house along the line anyway should she marry then divorce her dp.

Are your mum and dad considered joint tenants or tenants in common regarding the ownership of the house?

If the latter, he can leave his share to whoever he wishes, it doesn't have to automatically go to your mum to them be passed on to your sister.

It's not difficult to sever a joint tenancy if he's not already in that position.

JustSpidero I thought you had to be tenants in common to have a non 50/50 split.

I would discuss this with your father . I don't see epilepsy as a major illness needing favouritism, Couthy's epilepsy sounds severe but many people with epilepsy are well controlled on meds and able to work. Your sister is planning to become a mother and get married and live independantly, she isn't a mentally handicapped person who will struggle through life.
"/3 of the house is your mother's to do with as she sees fit, it seems rather bizarre that if your parents are divorced your dad still has a share in the house as you are all grown up now. I would discuss with him the fact that you and your brother feel this is favouritism. Your sister may choose not to work but I presume her future husband is working if they are planning a family soon.
I would also tell your mum that you feel her plans for her will are an extension of the favouritism she has shown towards your sister throughout her life, although it sounds as though you want to avoid that discussion.

OP
The will is the least of your problems, in my humble opinion.
You need to move away from being involved in this is any way, shape or form. You need to tell your brother that you will not discuss it any further with him or anyone.
This is not something that you can sort out, and there seems to be no desire to sort it out by the people that can.
Your mum may well live for another 25 years. She could change her will at any moment. Your dad could wake up and ask for his share back. Anything could happen, none of it can you control.
do you suffer from anxiety?

Get rid of this toxic so-called mother and horrid excuse for a sister.

OP has your mum seen a solicitor or independent financial advisor about the house and will?

www.lawsociety.org.uk/

They will be able to go through all the possible options and outcomes depending on what your DM wants. There are ways to put house/assets in trust or to gift them, but they also have implications regarding being able to live in the property and HMRC.

Without proper advise your DM might do something which has unforeseen negative consequences. Future care has to be paid for somehow - it could leave your DM very vulnerable with a lack of choice further down the line.

Try and persuade your DM to go and get advice - the best money she will spend. Knowing the possible consequences for her might make her change or revise her ideas.

Your DF - I think it's only fair to inform him of what's going on. He might know all this any way and be happy with it. But what if he isn't? He has a right to decide.

Only read the first page but I agree with your brother.

Health shouldn't come into it. Your sister has a DP, why can't he provide?

Her attitude is awful as well
"my sister has stated she wants the house she grew up in-will never sell it she wants to move straight back in and then have a family. her and dp are currently waiting for a 1 bed council flat which they will give up when my mums house becomes available" She sounds very entitled tbh.

It should be split 3 ways. I am shocked that your mum thinks you and your brother should just accept this.

something similar happened with dh and his sister

mum died, sister told dh mums house had been put into sisters name 6 months previously

sister got house and everything in it and all monies, then told dh he was only interested in his mums money when he asked if there was anything for our kids (eh no)

it takes all sorts doesn't it

op look after yourself and your family, no one else will

OK.If she has any compassion(your sister)...she can sell the house and move into a more modest one and share the rest with you and your brother.If she can live in a new place with her dp,she can do that.

It's threads like this that make me glad that my mum has nothing to leave me but bills.

Yes I was surprised myself that she could go on council list esp as they have a 3 bed between them. got it on medical grounds to do with the stairs being dangerous if she has a fit. I struggled to get a council place but she was accepted with a high priority straight away.

I do suffer with anxiety and this doesnt help, my mum is in good health so it is upsetting to have to think about it now.

You need to tell your father about this asap.

One third of this house is not your mother's to dispose of as she pleases. It belongs to your father.

If your father's share goes to the three children equally after both your parents pass away (disclaimer - this might not be what would happen, depending on wills/ownership etc) then you are going to have a right fight at some point because your sister is going to want to live in the house as though no-one else has a claim, and your brother is presumably going to demand, quite understandably, that it is sold.

It could drag on for years, and everyone will be on at you because you will be a party by dint of owning a third of your father's share. You won't be able to just say "I'm not interested."

Sort it out now and save yourself a lot of grief in the long run.